You can listen to this weeks special and spontaneous conversation with Rob on the WROAR Radio broadcast of “What If Mom Said…”.
What If Mom Said:
Imagine being five years old, you’re sitting on the couch with mom, and here is what she tells you:
“Honey, I am always here to help you. And sometimes you will hear mommy say “NO”. The NO is always spoken out of my love for you and my admiration for the wonderful, wonderful person you are becoming right before my eyes. When I say, “NO” it is always meant to be a guiding light, even if it doesn’t sound that way.
Sometimes, honey, the NO will sound scary or stern. I am sorry when that happens. What it really means is that I am giving all of myself to help you use all of yourself to become even more wonderful than you are right now.
My thoughts always are about how proud I am of you and how much I love you. I hope that when I say “NO” that you will never let into your mind any thoughts, or believe any opinion, that makes you feel less than wonderful – because you really are a wonderful, wonderful child who’s growing to be a very successful adult.
Remember this, honey: no matter who may seem to say something bad about you, no matter how stern someone may sound when they say, “NO” – when a thought of being flawed, or broken, or something is wrong with you tries to get into your mind, you can take a moment to remember this wonderful conversation you and I are having right now. Okay?
Perhaps the NO is telling you that you need to correct your behavior, but never consider it a word that is saying something bad about you personally. Perhaps what you did was wrong, but the real you, with that beautiful smile, is right and perfect to help you correct what you did wrong. Okay?
I hope you carry this conversation with you everywhere you go for a long, long time. You will have many chances to prove to yourself and to the world that you are wonderful, and some people may say things that will convince you that you are not. What is most important is that you trust me right now when I tell you that you are wonderful, and that you trust yourself when you remind yourself that this is true – especially when someone says or does something to you that makes you feel nervous.
I promise that I will l help you keep your heart and your mind clean of untrue thoughts about you. Untrue thoughts are the thoughts that make you want to cry. Please come to me whenever you feel bad about yourself, so that I may once again help you fill your mind with wonderful thoughts about you. When we work together we can see where you may have made a mistake, and we can lift you out of any mood that makes you feel like you are broken. And soon you will be able to do this by yourself.
When you feel confident about yourself, honey, you will do wonderfully well in all of those things that are important to you. You will do the things it takes to make your dreams come true, and you will know that I am always by your side guiding you even when I am somewhere else.
There is so much good out in the world that is waiting to meet you, Honey. This means that you must pay attention to thoughts that make you smile, and the whole world will smile with you. Try to realize the great moment we are having right now. How can you do this? By remembering what I am telling you, remember it over and over again until it is easy for you to remember. Okay?
I love you, honey. I care so much for you. The world is waiting to give you good things if you think the thoughts that we have shared right now, and if you do the things that naturally come to you after thinking these thoughts.”
Student: What is character?
Ralph Waldo Emerson: Character is the habit of action from the permanent vision of truth. It carries a superiority to all of the accidents of life. It compels right relations to every other man – domesticates itself with strangers and enemies.
Dear friend, I hope you can feel the wonderful truth this mom is sharing with her child. I hope you feel the truth so clearly that the truth will live with you, and will motivate you with every thought, every word and every act that flows through you.
If you take Emerson’s advice and make these words a positive vision of truth for you, they will mold a habit of action that will express the incredible human being you are here to experience.
Make your permanent vision of truth: “I am wonderful.” Attune your mind to it, and watch the world that unfolds for you.
Blessings
“Best Comment of the Week.” This weeks best comments come from Brian Driggs of dr1665 and John. Thank you for your heartfelt sharing. See their comments here. Illustrations by nick
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/wroar/
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Ho ho Boy I’ll tell you a thing or two about those mothers Rob!
… You can’t take a mother on that’s for sure. I wish I had that conversation when I was eight years old. Or 14. Or 15 or 43… Ha ha but yeah my point is that that conversation is in an essential thing that everybody leaves out of their lives. I know my mom did her best. If She had that kind of understanding I would be the President of the United States for sure… Ha ha. This is really a beautiful article for me. There is no reason I can’t imbue these feelings within my children. I don’t think it’s ever too late for this type of conversation. You taught me that. I’m an old dog changing and learning new tricks. If I can change myself now there is no reason why I can’t start helping my children change now. They are already light years ahead of me. I wish I had known all this at their age. but that’s okay better late than never right?
Hi Roger. Everyone lives inside of a conversation that they are continually having with themselves about themselves. If we were taught an empowering conversation as children, life would truly be a dream much more often than not. Life is solved by seeing it with an inspiring conversation that we learn about ourselves – yes indeed. Nice catch! Thank you
Good day Rob,
“I am wonderful!!” INDEED!!
What a powerful show and lesson, my friend. I can truly appreciate this lesson. Life has allowed me to realize that it has only been sending me what I was requesting, a lot of the time, totally unknowingly. However, I really allowed myself to listen to this episode, and then read this post in the voice of my own mother; and in doing so, it reminded me of the good times and the good lessons my mother shared with me, through her life.
I now believe, I use to allow myself only to remember the bad things that had occurred in my life. I have no idea why I chose to do such a thing, but I am extremely grateful that I am no longer the ‘victim’ that I used to be. Being that we recently celebrated 4th of July, I have a new appreciation for freedom, liberation, and independence. I know what it means now, as well as how it feels.
The relationship I had with my mother was extremely turbulent, but I don’t allow that to no longer be the story I tell myself. The one I hold and cherish today, is one where I had the opportunity to spend two weeks with her in the hospital, just 3 months before she passed away. It was there we had a much needed conversation, where we both forgave one another and ourselves for not giving the relationship what it needed most… an open conversation; which allowed both of us to speak and listen to the other without interruption.
The title of being a ‘mistake’ was replaced with her telling me I was her angel. This is exactly what many of us miss in our relationships – we simply don’t communicate like we need too. I totally agree with Roger Pascal here, it’s never too late for these type of conversations to take place. All parties involved have to be willing and open to not only speak their truths, but they must also be willing and open to listen to the truth of others, as well. You have helped me in so many ways, my friend. Through you and WROAR, I have learned how to communicate more effectively with others – but most importantly with myself. I’ve also become even more of an awesome listener, than I was before! For this and so much more, I truly thank you. Many Blessings to you, Rob.
Hi Deeone. When we learn to communicate powerfully with ourselves, there is nothing out there that can permanently harm us, is there Deeone. You have learned this. Authentic knowledge of yourself and knowledge of life, truth, reality are the same thing – how glorious is that! You are spreading your wings and beginning to soar. How’s it feel? Blessings
It feels OUTSTANDING, Rob!
I didn’t think this feeling was possible for me, but each day I discover, not only is it possible, but it’s actually happening day by day. It has been nothing less than an adventure! I’m super excited to see what’s next and to experience everything it will bring to me in the future. Now that I’m learning how to communicate better with myself and others, the sky is the limit, and my wings are definitely allowing the wind to take me wherever it is I’m meant to go. Thank you for assisting me with discovering my soaring abilities. Blessings, my friend. 
My mom was pretty good about that stuff. I think it made my life so much easier especially in High School. i know High School can be traumatic for a lot people or whatever. But fully believe that I had fun and was popular simply because my mom made me feel good about myself. There were so many kids who were just angry and depressed all the time and I never understood why they would want to live their lives that way. I was naive then, but I’m sure lots of kids just had bad home situations. I’m soooo grateful for my parents. They weren’t perfect, but just by encouraging me and giving good self-esteem I got a good head start in life. I wish they had told me “I am marvelously made…” but thats cool because they don’t really think that big. That part is up to me. I figure they got me this far and it is my responsibility to keep taking it to the next step. Not only will they be proud and happy to see me keep growing, but I get to develop beyond their wildest dreams of what they thought I could be. They never would think I could become a marketing exec, they kind of think in terms of me getting married and raising a family. But that OK, because I know I have so much more to show the world!
Hi Kara. You have a certainty about your message that makes it clear that ‘you already know that your original nature is perfect’ – having no strains or contradictions when it comes to knowing right from wrong action. Your parents helped you in the best way they could, and now – if it is to be it is up to thee. Isn’t it. NICE! Blessings
Hi Rob, as a mother I always worry if i did a good job. I hope beyond hope that I was able to communicate some of that to my children. I think I did pretty good. It seems to me that my boys are fine upstanding citizens and seem to be doing well. I always worry that I passed on some bad habits, but I think I gave them a good foundation. I would never have been able to articulate a conversation in that way, but by constantly giving support and love I believe the essence of what you are saying stuck with them. Parents have to figure out a lot of things as they go. There sure is no one right way or manual to being a good mother. Parents have to let their kids make mistakes. And then let them know its OK to make mistakes just as long as you keep plugging along. You can only verbalize life lessons so much. By letting our childrens lives play out and not get too involved I believe kids will naturally and eventually do what is right and best. Once parents start controlling and interfering is when kids act out and respond to life in all kinds of whacky ways.
Hi Carol Anne. You should write a book on proper parenting. I love your sound, practical advice. What a curious and healthy and pleasant experience it must have been for your children to be raised by you. Thank you
Hey Brother man. The earth is my mother and she always tells me the right thing to do
. My real mother was pretty harsh so I’ve had to teach myself to forget her teachings and just look within. If I had a conversation like that with my mother it would have saved me a lot of soul searching and confusion. But thats just the journey, No? I wouldn’t trade that experience in for anything because it helped me shape my character and choose my own beliefs. Having a tough mother made me into the free spirit I am today. Maybe I overcompensated because I love loving everyone else, and I love spreading that love. Everyone has to have that honest conversation some time in their life or else they will be living in the fog. I don’t think you need your maternal mother to find it… I think the answer is out there in nature and within us all. I suggest to others that there is no time for lamenting about tough childhoods or whatever. If your childhood was a tough one use it as motivation to look within and find your own way. Thats the one nice thing about having a tough childhood… I dont feel tied down and beholden to the beliefs of my parents. Just the opposite in fact. And because I can look at all my parents beliefs skeptically I can be free to choose my own beliefs. I think that was the great yet unintended gift my mother gave to me.
Hi Rus. Yes, all answers are out there in nature if we care to look, and all mothers do not offer wise advice. T’is one of the plights of life – finding the right advice from nature and from deep within. If we sincerely look, we find it no matter how misguided we may have been. A wise seeker firmly informs all ill-advice that it is no longer needed. That’s what it seems you’ve done. Good job. Thank you
If you think I’m a salty character you should have met my mother. She was womens lib before there was womens lib. She certainly was not as gentle as the mother above but she had her way of letting me know that I was special. Sweet and kind was not her way but she definitely taught me self reliance and how to not give a damn about what the world thinks. She was a woman who marched to the beat of her own drummer and by living her life that way she instilled some invaluable qualities of character within me. Whenever I got down and threw myself a pitty party she was quick to snap me out of it. Sometimes kindness and compassion is the way, but I find that most people just need a good swift kick in the pants and an opportunity to pull themselves up by their own boot straps. If a person can learn self reliance then they can be free to be and do whatever they want with their lives. To not care what others think is the ultimate freedom my mum granted me with her rearing.
Hi Salty. You are a free man, and I like what you’ve shared about your mother’s contribution to the freedom that you enjoy. It is a happy day when a person realizes that he cannot afford to stall any longer when seeking self-liberty. Your mom taught you that – great gift. Thank you
Thanks for this Rob. I think it would be useful for children to know that their mothers, like them, are fundamentally human, and have moods, make mistakes, and so on. They’re not omniscient goddesses who make or enforce the rules of the universe. It might be hard to convey that concept to a child, even if the mother explicitly said it, but it would be interesting if parents tried that approach.
Hi Chris. I remember when I thought my mother was an omniscient goddess, and I assumed all of her moods were valid and appropriate to the moment. Hmmm. Hindsight offers such clear vision. Understanding that comes with wisdom is the only kind of understanding that never fails us, isn’t it. Thank you for your thoughts.
Hi Rob. I would have killed for a conversation like that with my mom. I hate to sound like a victim, but she passed down some god awful beliefs and habits that I’m only now finally seeing are totally soul-sucking. From her I only learned to be co-dependent and needy. Her own vanity required everyones constant attention. If she was not in the middle of everything she felt neglected and acted out like a little child. Her behavior is the source of my feelings of emptiness when I’m not in a relationship or surrounded by people. i’m trying to picture my mother even understanding that conversation, let alone tell me something like that. But I really try not to harp on the past so much these days. I hate putting so much energy into it, but sometimes I don’t see a way around it. I have to make peace with her and understand she did her best. These days, most of the time I feel sorry for her instead of angry. Being on my own has been a great test for me lately. I’m actually enjoying a sense of freedom that I did not know existed. I always saw single people as sad, lonely and probably defective. Now I cant figure who’s more messed up; the chronically single or the serial daters!
More and more I’m starting to see the truth that your mother lays out in the blog. The truth is out there for all of us equally, so I’ll try not to do anymore mother bashing for a while. 
Hi Joan. Yes, the truth is out there for each of us equally. Thank you for sharing a piece of your past so that we may further understand the challenges of the sins of our parents of seven generations ago that have been passed down to us. those sins are co-dependency and neediness in your case. Things begin going right as soon as we begin realizing we are not the co-dependent and needy individuals we thought we were. Thank you
Hey Rob. That could be a good name for a song… What if Mom Said…. well we already know John Lennon sang “nobody told you there’d be days like these…” To me thats all about how when we are young and naive children we have no idea how life can throw us for a loop. That’s why we have to learn this stuff. If we have a solid foundation we can deal with anything. It’s the unexpected pitfalls and challenges that are the real test of our character. Luckily my mom succeeded in teaching me to keep my head up and keep muddling through when the going gets tough. She did let me know that life out in the world can be tough and cruel. People want everything to be cake and icing all the time. My generation is being fed ice cream thoughts about how you can achieve whatever you set your mind to… that’s all good stuff and true to some degree… but don’t think you are going to make it there without having some big challenges along the way. That’s where people are soft. And thats why most people give up. My mom was a realist. She let me know I was special and talented but she made it abundantly clear your going to have to work your butt off. Thanks MOM!
Hi John. Your mom was wise teaching you that ‘ice cream thoughts’ alone will not give you the life you dream of experiencing. When your mom raised your level of understanding what it takes to succeed, she also raised your value to yourself. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Rob,
This was an absolutely amazing post and the words that mom was speaking almost brought tears to my eyes. If only every mom in the world could repeat such words to her kids again and again.
When I have kids I’m going to talk to them just like you have written in your post. Thank you so much, Rob!
Hi Hiten. The only way to win in this deluded world is to live above the hysteria of the 60,000 NO’s that we hear between age two and five. This is what a message like the one I’ve written in this blog would help us do. You will do your children a tremendous service if you offer them this message like this, Hiten. Blessings
Hey Rob, I gotta say, I think you have more mother issues than I do! Seriously, that old rag bag did a number on me. Little wonder I can’t relate to women on any level. And I mean ANY… when I’m trying for a one night stand they just want to be facebook friends…. on the rare occasion they just want to hook up I just tell them I’ll friend them on FB! I think thats all M-O-M. I think if any mother told her kid all that stuff he’d run off to a monastery to preach the word of God or something. No mother is talking to their son that way in todays world. My grandma was pretty wise. She had her own weird zen like way of imparting that wisdom, but I don’t think it is fair to think any mother could speak that way. As I get older I look where I am in my life and where my mother was when she had me.She was just trying to make ends meet and survive. Forget about eternal knowledge or whatever. She left that part to my Grandparents. Fortunately for me we all lived together until they passed. I think the real wisdom comes from people who have lived it. To think a 28 or even 38 year old mother has life figured out is too much to ask for. If your mom was that smart you wouldn’t be wasting your time chatting with me.
Hi Alan. You seem to be struggling with a few things in this comment. New insights begin the moment you suspect that the human condition is not as bad as you imagine – right, Alan? Blessings
I wish I had a mother who talked to me in this way. I did not have the privilege of having a close bond with her. It’s not her fault, she was not brought up in a loving environment herself and she was just not a very aware person. Which is why I resolve to do things differently with my kids.
Still, I have also found that despite saying these to my kids sometimes, they can still perceive things differently. (Don’t get me wrong, I believe that I am far from perfect. I have said the wrong things to them and also reacted in anger at times.) However, my finding is that they are also here to learn and discover the truth about themselves in many ways. A lot still depends on how they interpret things individually and what their souls have intended to learn.
Notwithstanding, it still does not take away the fact that as a mother, I need to continue to affirm messages of unconditional love to my kids. You have written an excellent script as inspiration for us all! Thanks, Rob.
Hi Evelyn. A great gift you can give your children is to teach them what it means to hold up the lamp of their consciousness to old NO’s that are howling from the past. And then help them to see that these NO’s have no power over them. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Rob. you touched me so deeply with your honesty on the WROAR show. I loved hearing you just go on and on about how we get “stung” by life. I’ve listened to it a couple of times this week. It’s true. Life stings us in our bottom. We have to be willing to be humble and be meek. Defeat is the greatest thing we can experience. With out that defeat we would all have had a perfect mother who ushered us into some kind of martyrdom… and as you say there only 44 or so of those enlightened beings around today. I’ve decided I’m not trying to be totally enlightened anymore. I just want to be that human being with unlimited potential as best as I can. My mother & father gave me 600,000 nos! I’d like to hear more about your relationship with your parents. If the ROAR team could share their own histories I think you would have an incredible show. Just reading Deeones comment, I would love to hear more. If you ever want me on the panel I could on and on about my mother and especially my father! yeeesh!
I love my father, but I have more than a few talking points there. 
“Marvelously made” was not in his vocabulary to say the least! 
Hi Alicia. You are on the verge of a breakthrough. Real humility helps us to honestly see that our usual ideas are taking us nowhere. You are experiencing this real humility. Blessings
Yo ROBO>… all my Moms ever told me was to eat eAT EAT!!! I was like damn moms thats it… I’m full up back off already!!! HAAHah. Then my Pops would be like “you want to be big and strong you eat and do what your mother said!” So that’s all I ever got from them! HAHHAHHAH… yo check it.. cuz I think thats enuff cuz I turned out like a gdamn dream! Maybe all these new age parents go overboard with telling their kids that they are all geniuses and can be whatever they want to be!! I think that just messes people up. My Moms and Pops are old school I-TI and they aint talkin bout NO feel good majestic BS… THey told me straight up…. your own your own.. just dont make us look like MOOLIES…. HHAHAH … aint kiddn eithter. I aint racist but thats just their old school thinkn. I get what they are sayin. They just sayin you got to REPRESENT! REPRESENT your family SON. My Parents worked GODDAMN hard to give me and my bro a good life….. and their parents work 2X hard just to pay the damn RENT… AND their PARENTS worked 3x hard just to haul their sTAVIN’ Guinee asses ovah to the USA!!!!
HAHHAHAH Yo so thats my job on this f-uped world… I’m gonna work 4x x 4x Hard to bring the MAGIC to whole damn world!!! And I tell you what! THat shiz aint no hoity toity, lovey dovey conversation I gots to have with My MOMS… Its just what I Gots to do to REPRESENT… YA son YEAh… you feel Me! Its all about REPRESENTIN… whether Yo makn Gabagool or transformin Uself into an artiste!!! You just got to make YO relatives proud and EAT UP THE WORLLLLLD!!!!!! HAHHAHAHHAHH 
PAX OUUUTTTT ROBOOBOBOBO!!!
Hi Magic. Truth alone is truhful toward your growth and development. There is a strong thread of truth in what you have written here. The truth can only help you – it never harms you, Magic, does it. Thank you
Hi Mr. Rob. You bring me tears of joy today. My mom was so meek and kind. She taught me how to be compassionate, loving and kind. When she comes to visit us in the USA she is ready to take on the world and experience everything. I am in awe of her spirit a decade and half since my father has passed on. Her endruing spirit teaches me all the things you so ably write here. I feel blessed that she is still in my life and I am still learning from her. I dread the day that she will leave this world, but I have so much peace knowing that her lessons will live on for generations and generations. Loving kindness to you and your famiiy – Padma
You are a loving person, Padma. I can feel it. When you feel that you are not where you should be, follow that feeling all the way to where you ought to be. It will never fail you, will it Padma. Thank you
Hi Rob. One of my biggest regrets in life is not letting my mother know what a good job she did. She was a tough nut and ruled with an iron fist. But I kind of think she went to her grave never knowing how much I appreciated her. Indeed, it was her hard way of doing things that got through to me. It created a lot of tension, but it got the job done. I was driven to be a success because I could always hear her voice pushing me on. She did have that conversation with me but it was just her own hard, gruff style. I think we could have had that conversation at the end of her life and we both would have fully understood.
Hi Georgie. Thank you for sharing your gratitude toward your mother with us. An angel is never deceived by a demon, but a demon is constatnly deceived by other demons – your mom was an angel. Blessings
Kind of reminds me of what I learned to do with parenting that I have even begun to use with all my relationships when I get upset. Even a couple of weeks ago when I got into it with my manager at my “day” job, as I came down from my anger, I moved quickly to this. It’s not the person that I am mad or upset with. It’s the actions or events that happened.
Thanks for the great post!
Hi Grady. Nice tip! Move this conversation to all domains of life – business, community, social, as well as family. Truth alone can heal, and we alone can create internal conversations that allow us to heal from old NO’s. This is what we are helping one another to do – create empowering internal conversations. Thank you
Hi There Rob. I love my mother to death but she ever started talking like that I would “head for zi hills!” That would flat out freak me out. No offense, but nobody is talking like that where I came from. Keep a clean nose and wash your clean clothes was about as spiritual as that battle axe got!
She did teach me punctuality. For my misgivings and hangups I am on time to the second! Thanks Mom! If you were late for dinner you had better not show up at all. For all my struggles in the job search, not getting the position has never been for want of being on time. At least I got that going for me. That out gal did well for her family. My brothers and I got raised right. We may not be senators and we all may have a little need for some Anger Management… but from where I grew up, if thats all you need to work on you are ahead of the pack.
Hi Ramone. I like how you can see the great gift of punctuality that your mom gave you. The moment we stop thinking in meaningless ways, we begin to see the meaningful – don’t we. Thank you
Hello Rob,
This was a fantastic blog post. It really setup a scenario that I assume must people haven’t experienced, and provided a blueprint for others to potentially follow. My parenting has changed since learning about the philosophy you teach regarding the 60,000 nos we experience from the ages 2-6. I still tell my kids no all the time. I have to. I have to tell my 3 year old daughter no when she walks towards the street, or my 7 year old son no when he puts my 8 year old daughter in a headlock. But one thing that has changed, that I’ve made a conscious effort to change is not just leaving it at no and assume they fully understand the lesson. I explain what “no” means, and I’m telling them. I assign the no to something specific, and not make it a word used in a general sense.
Beyond the word no; the reaction, rejection and implication that spells no is more obvious to me now than ever before. So I also massage the way I reject and imply something that counters their thought or want. I don’t want my non-acceptance to impact them negatively for a lifespan. So I explain myself a lot more, without anger or agitation, which can sometimes be a challenge. But I want my kids to know beyond the no. There’s more to a no; it’s not about stifling their confidence or rejection. It’s a difficult task. But that I hopefully have man years to continue to practice.
Thank you, Rob
Hi Jk. This is a beautiful lesson for all parents who want to improve their parenting skills. Thank you for sharing with specifics. A compassionate glance from a parent saying, “NO,” helps the child. The child senses the commanding rightness of the NO, and the loving way it is being spoken (even when it may sound harsh). Thank you.