September 9th, 2011 by rob white
Please note: Part 3 of Conversations with rob with Jk Allen of The Hustler’s Notebook is now up. Be sure to check out this empowering dialogue.
What Bothers You?
Most folks don’t assume there is anything good about things that bother them.
Think of something that bothers you.
Do you know why it bothers you?
What lesson is that bothersome thing trying to teach you?
I love to go on nature hikes. I take my parrot friend of 29 years with me (Shakespeare is his name). He rides along on my shoulder. I follow a trail that takes us through three miles of woods where I enjoy the tranquility of babbling brooks and small frog ponds.
One day, a week ago, after a tropical storm had passed through, I noticed that something was bothering me. There were several large trees down. They had fallen across the path, which made it difficult to walk the trail, and there were unfamiliar gaps where I could now see the open sky. It was too bright!
I realized that the destruction from the storm was very natural, but it bothered me. Nature had weeded her forest, but the results felt unnatural to me. What was this bothersome experience teaching me?
The entire purpose of creating mental pictures is to make changes in oneself so we can make changes in our world. Yet, I had taken a mental snapshot of my wooded walk, and insisted that it remain the same as years pass by. Of course, nature would have no part of it.
This was a great lesson for me. I was being too rigid. I was being inflexible. I was letting the changes of reality bother me. While pondering this lesson, I realized that new visions are born in my mind when I am willing to stop clinging. I love hungering and thirsting for dynamic changes. In such moments, my desire grows vigorously, and I get to create myself and my world anew. Nature loves to do this, too. YET, I don’t like it if the changes aren’t according to my mental pictures. Wow, I didn’t realize how demanding I can be.
What bothers you?
Now, take a moment to look at what bothers you differently.
See that it is beckoning you to see how fluid reality can be.
Notice that if you let what bothers you bother you, you create a painful condition of bothersome boredom. This dreadful condition robs your life of its richness.
There is a way out! There was an elderly woman who sat at a piano tapping endlessly on a single key. She would sit down, day after day, tapping the same key. Everyone in the rest home was bothered by this tap, tap, tapping of the same note. When asked why she did it, she said, “I don’t know why. It bothers me that I continually tap the same piano key. I wish someone would help me to tap another key.”
This elderly woman did not know that she needed only to have a desire to tap another key. Ask yourself, “What does this have to do with me?” How, in my life am I tapping the same key? Ask it again.
Student: I wish a great teacher from the past, like Socrates, would come back and teach me. How different I would be.
Teacher: If Socrates asked you to learn from all bothersome feelings you hold about things in your life, would you do it?
Student: Most certainly!
Teacher: Then why don’t you do just that, right now?
This blog is written to slip beyond your rational mind and sink into your subconscious. Simply allow its contents to settle in. It will illuminate an insight that is trying to reach you.
Please share your experience of reading this blog. What might you offer to enhance it? What personal experience helps clarify it for you?
blessings
“Best Comment of the Week.” This weeks best comment comes from Dia of 2achieveyourgoals.com. The runner up is Rus. Thank you both for your honest, heartfelt sharing. See their comments here.
Illustrations by nick
Ha ha, ironically one of the things that bothers me most is my boyfriend’s parrot, which is insanely needy and likes to sit on the corner of the cage and peep incessantly at me for attention. To an introvert this is roughly equivalent to Chinese water torture. But I assume that I was sent this little bothersomeness to see if I could learn more compassion and tolerance, so I take it as such.
And my boyfriend freaking LOVES him, so naturally I’m happy that he’s happy, and it’s worth putting up with just for that. Of course the bird seems to love ME best, though, probably because he’s bothered that I don’t love him as much as he loves me.
Oh well. Life is just a big classroom, and I try hard to pass all these little tests, since that is obviously what they are. At least my ghost is quiet.
Hi Anna. You are revealing your humor in this comment. I love it. Noisy minds tend to get bothered by everything. I know. I can have a noisy mind. Even my parrot can get to me when my mind is too noisy. And then I remember, “Oh that’s me that is making all of the noise (not my parrot).” blessings
Are you kidding me Rob? This is the type of post I was thinking about today! People assume that stuff that bothers them is bad. That’s totally wrong. Stuff that bothers us is supposed to tell us of a new challenge, experience, adventure. This is because we fear is there to CHALLENGE us to push through it and experience that new thing.
If it bothers me, I’ll walk ahead instead of recoiling back in fear of uncomfort.
Thanks Rob
Hi Matt. I wish I always walked ahead instead of recoiling back. I do walk ahead more often than not, but not always. Here’s a tip that works for me: I find that I put a wall between me and my growth when my words get too smooth and slick. I start sounding better than I am. I prefer to stumble with my words so I can look deeper into myself. I learned this from a very successful business man who eventually became a self-made billionaire. We can all use this tip in some domain of our lives. blessings
Oh yes, we are still cleaning up from Irene around here! But thats not really the point, I know. I like what you say about clinging to “mental snap shots”. I’m a bit of a perfectionist so when things don’t turn out exactly as I picture them my day goes to hell in a hand-basket! That kind of perfectionism can be the source of a TON of bothersome emotions. I’m learning to carry more of a chalk board rather than a photo. Learning to be flexible in work and family life has been absolutely key to my change in attitude.
Hi Roger. I love your insight into mental snapshots. Why is their so much grief in human relationships? we cling to mental snapshots, and don’t let people change unless they fit the mental photo we are holding of them. blessings
Hi Rob,
There is so much that can bother us if we let it, and yet your point is well taken. There is a lesson to be learned here. I’m working on having no expectations, so I will not be disappointed or let things bother me. When I’m in a plane, it bothers me when there is loud noises, like those darling little babies screaming away. I try and let the noise float in one ear and out the other so it does not stay and bother me. And I guess if I have grandchildren one day, and fly with them, I’ll just have to deal with it. There is a lesson there – be prepared. Love your images.
Hi Cathy.
thank you for bringing a slice of your life into the conversation. It adds so much to the topic.
Student: I feel drained by life
Teacher: That’s because you insist life unfold as your mental snapshots have it
How does this pertain to you, Cathy?
blessings
I tend to find large crowds and noise bothers me most. Take any mall in America, for example. People walking aimlessly, not looking where they’re going, impulsively succumbing to the media’s demand they consume.
Taking a stab at seeing the opportunity in this, how can I help give people a sense of direction – of purpose? How can I bring clarity to their lives? Then again, the only thing I can truly control is how I let things affect me.
Thanks, Rob.
Hi Brian. I wonder what bothers you about people acting like sheep (baa, baa, baaing in a mall)? Before you truly know, you must learn all things about yourself. Thanks for that. that’s a good one. blessings. rob
Hi Rob, great message. Funny how we can all get caught up in thinking that the Laws of Nature are against us. What big Ego’s we have!
I’ve come to realize that there is no use getting angry at the weather. This used to be a big source of anxiety and agitation for me, really! It’s too hot, it’s too cold. I finally woke up to the fact that I was just find something to justify mood swings and crabbiness. How can nature be wrong? There are things in life we can control and I think smart, successful people put all their attention on these things. For all the other stuff they have learned to be flexible flyers.
I love this one, Carol Anne. How many folks get angry at the weather? how many folks are so bothered by a rainy or snowy day that they let it ruin their day?
That’s great! There’s absolutely no benefit to giving one’s attitude over to the weather, and so many (me too) can do that. Thank you
Direct questions I love Rob. What bothers me is the pure speed people live their life at – breakneck and breakdown pace. I don’t get that living has to be the permanent supersonic rate that more and more people are existing at. We truly are the human race flying here and there. I love to push boats out and work well but that has to be balanced by reflective replenishing of energies and sensible down town. It bothers me most that lots of folks thing I’m wrong with this.
Hi john. what you’ve added is a big one. I agree. Yes, I agree. Supersonic living ‘twenty-four seven’ will certainly cause madness, and madness is badness. Thank you for adding that. blessings
Hi Rob,
Your article really made me think today. What does bother me and why do I let it bother me? I try not to dwell on things for very long. I allow them to recede back to “nothingness” where I am free of being caught up emotionally.
However, there are some issues I still wrestle with. Having a background in financial planning, I find it extremely upsetting when I see people I love get into hot water financially, especially when they seek my advice and then don’t follow it. I don’t have the means to “fix it.” How do I not keep “tapping on the same key” in this situation? I don’t think about it 24/7 but, it’s a worry and concern. I’m afraid there is nothing I can do about this situation that is unraveling quickly.
I love how you’ve grabbed onto ‘tapping onto the same key’ metaphor, Angela. You demonstrated it well (how you can do this in your own life). thank you for sharing that. I learn from you. Your first duty in life is toward your own spiritual health, and we miss the mark when we keep tapping on the same key. blessings
What an excellent observation Rob!
It is so true that we struggle to accept change and the things that “bother” us even though it is really silly not to.
This week, I launched my new website and blog, and though it went up on time, it did not work as well as planned.
I realized, that this is just the way life goes.
I had a choice: I could focus on the disappointment of all that did not go well, or the triumph over the fact that I did it! Problems can be fixed later.
I recognized that I don’t always get to be in control of the plan, whether it is a tropical storm that gets in my way or broken HTML. It probably doesn’t make that much difference.
I am more likely to be able to cope well and come to the best solutions when I stop fighting the reality.
Thank you as always Rob!
Hi Jenny Ann. An big insanity of humanity is resisting reality (which we all learn to do so well). Nice catch, Jenny. All you need to know that you want to know the truth … the rest gets easier and easier. blessings.
Hi Rob
I agree with Brian that large crowds bother me. I can become overwhelmed. Same thing with constricted scheduling.. I find that I can stay focused for many hours, but work better when I can stop and go into nature for awhile. When my schedule doesn’t allow for such breaks, I become “bothered”. I appreciate your invitation to step more deeply into the true meaning behind these ‘bothersome’ feelings. Cheers!
hi Antonia. I like your comment tone. it says a lot about you. Stay with that tone; it will serve you like an internal compass that will guide you to the right answers. Answers that will open the door to the world you dream of experiencing. blessings
Hi Rob. I don’t think I want to be flexible with the mental picture I have of myself in the future. I know exactly what I want. But I do have to be flexible in how I get there. If I wasn’t I would have quit by now anyway!
That was hard for me to understand. When I started on my goal and vision of the future, I wanted it to happen right away. I had watched the Secret like a million times on DVD and was sooo convinced my life was going to suddenly change tomorrow. I am still plugging along at my goal, but I am being patient and realistic about how I get there. I guess I’m just one who needs to take baby steps to get where I am going… It’s OK I have time.
Nice distinction, Kara. Keep the mental picture of your outcomes steady, and let go of your mental pictures of how you get there. NICE. thank you.
Rob,
I could certainly afford to be more flexible at times. It is funny how easily I forget that all of my beliefs, expectations, and ideals are simply developed from patterns over time. We want things to be familiar and are comfortable when things meet our expectations. There is so much freedom to be gained when we learn to overcome the thinking traps that keep us stringent and boxed-in. Flexibility is a major key to healthy relationships and effective living.
hi Joe. Patterns box us in, that’s for sure. Do you think that habitual habit-patterns will tolerate our attempt to replace them with flexible new behavior? The old patterns will kick and scream and resist with all of their might. Let this insight into their pushy nature allow you to conquer them. Thanks for the tip
Hey Rob,
We have an old railroad trail that was converted into a nature trail about one mile from my home. A lot of people walk and ride their bikes on the NCR trail.
I find that I am more bothered when I have spent too much time being mental. When I allow myself to be completely whole, mind, body and spirit not much bothers me.
Being tired bothers me.
Hi Justin. When we come from a strict work ethic, being tired does bother us. We believe we should be able to keep going (like the Duracell rabbit). Of course, the tortoise wasn’t bothered, and in the end – he beat the hare. How can we reply to such a demanding work ethic that turns us into workaholics? Your answer is perfect: give more value to ‘the whole of oneself’(mind, body and spirit). Thank you for that
Hey brother. I think learning to be flexible and go with the flow is everything. It’s a bit of cliche but some cliches are cliches because they are just so dang true. What bothers me most is when other people are not flexible! It’s like my biggest pet peeve… I just want to shout DUDE take it easy! I really don’t understand people who get all worked up when things don’t go exactly as planned. That’s when the really adventure happen anyway. In fact, when I set out to do something I like not having a specific outcome in mind. I really enjoy all the spontaneous surprises and different people and experiences I have along the way. If I was totally committed to one way and one way only I would miss out on a lot of life.
Hi Rus. Being totally committed to one way only is definitely the formula for a lot of frustration and resentment. One of our liberties is to be flexible. Thank you.
Hi Rob,
Excellent post my friend. A long time ago, when undesirable things used to happen to me, I used to get upset and angry constantly. Nothing changed until I decided to take responsibility for the way I think and feel and to look for the lesson that every situation has to offer me. When something bothers me now, I ask myself “why does “this thing” bother me?” Then, I start digging deep into my subconscious mind for the reasons. I take responsibility for the way I feel and I must say that when I started doing this, I stopped getting bothered by many issues that used to bother me. The more I practice, the more I get better. Thanks for sharing Rob, great post my friend
Hi Dia. That’s a big one – taking responsibility for how we feel. so few are willing to do this. We learn from mom and dad not to take responsibility for how we feel. When dad says, “you make me angry” … or mom says, “you disappoint me” … what does this teach the child? Answer: Others are responsible for how we feel. Hmmm. Again, that’s a big one. blessings
hi rob, great post, thought provoking.
Lately I have noticed that when something bothers me, I re-trace and breakdown events, then bingo!. They do leave me with an uncomfortable feeling, something inside say’s, ‘this is not a feeling I harbour so find out why and deal with it’.
A little story…Few days ago I found myself feeling sombre, so re-traced, found the cause. I overheard a conversation I wasn’t suppose to hear, which could have jeopardise a business venture I was pursuing (at the time I was listening, it was what I thought: ego, how dare they!). Anyway I was sitting comfortably in a large room eating my lunch and they walked in talking and obviously they didn’t see me or realise I was in the room, thinking back, I wasn’t invisible, pephaps I was.
I needed to hear it, it wasn’t going to jeopardise anything, as you rightly said, ‘Simply allow its contents to settle in. It will illuminate an insight that is trying to reach you.
Thank you thank you
Hi Tinu.
Imagine exploring a cave, and suddenly realizing that you are lost. Your very awareness of your situation ‘can illuminate an insight that is trying to reach you’ (an insight that will give you the bright sight you need to find your way out).
perhaps you notice I took a line from your comment. You have all the answers you need right inside of you, and I sense that you are realizing this more and more. What dark cave is it time for you to exit? You are getting real good at this.
blessings
Hi Rob. You really got me thinking about the things that bother me. The biggest thing that bothers me is when things come too easy for other people. I never understand how one Musician can rocket to the top while seemingly more talented musicians can toil in obscurity their whole lives. I think it is because I am scared to death of being one who just never makes it. It’s easy to get angry and call them lucky, but I do realize that if I give those emotions too much power I am going to build up some negative karma or something. A big lesson I am taking from this is that I have to learn how to be happy for people who make it. Whether its Lady Gaga (who I hate) or Josh Ritter (who I like) I have to learn how to feel genuinely happy for them.
Hi John. Wow, I love what bothers you (how some folks seem to get it so easy). I think that bothers most of us at times. Of course the insight is obvious with this one = after being disenchanted, weary and dismayed with our personal efforts to succeed, we realize that we must change the way we see things. blessings
First, why doesn’t Shakespeare surprise me?! Love it! Second, a profound post as usual Rob – you make me think like no other!
I use to let a lot bother me, but not anymore. I realized as I gripped and felt all twisted inside, it was just me feeling that way, most other people didn’t care of have clue what I was feeling or why. So … now I only really get bothered or upset if it affects my child – I choose more carefully now. I have my convictions and passions, but they’re just that, mine and I’m true to them, but, like you, less rigid. Interesting that you acknowledged you were bothered and how you assessed it. I tend to do this to as well. I stop and acknowledge this feeling(s) first and that sometimes just is all you need to do and it dissipates. It’s like seeing a weed and just pulling it out. If you don’t get to the root and pull it out, well … it will still bother you or give you false peace.
Thank you for this post Rob, thank you for being wonderful, meaningful you!!
Warmly,
Elena
Hi Elena. I love that you choose what bothers you more carefully. WOW, that is powerful! Keep it up, and one day you will look out at the neurotic world and notice something magnificent; you will notice that you have nothing to say. Now you are absolutely free. blessings
Hi Robert. You are right. Over the years I’ve learned a ton about myself by looking at the things that bother me. A big one for me is politics. I wont get into the specifics here but certain ideologies can really get my blood boiling. In my youth they were the “enemy” and I would truly disdain them and their view points. At a certain point I learned to listen and ask myself why it bothered me so much. It made me more peaceful because it clarified my moral principals and even my family history. I needed to make peace with the past to really understand why I felt the way I felt. Now I still hold the same view points, but I am more willing to listen and understand where other people are coming from (even though I still passionately disagree!).
Hi Salty. Your willingness to listen, even when you know you disagree, is a great way to notice what once bothered you and now no longer does. The more you seek to free yourself of a bothersome attitude, the less things are able to bother you. blessings
I’ve gotten pretty good lately about digging down to figure out what’s bothering me, what I need to learn from it, and releasing it as it comes up. The one thing that stuck in my mind when I posed your questions to myself, is that some people in my life have noticed and embraced the changes I’ve been going through, but some of my nearest and dearest expect me to keep being the old me acting in the old ways that I have released. That’s annoying! Their expectations.
Hi Julie. It is called ‘reductionism’ when old friends or family members reduce you to ‘who you used to be’. I tell folks, “That ‘me’ doesn’t live here any more.” Thank you for reminding me of this one. blessings
Rob,
This article is extremely timely for me. As I type this, there are several things bothering me. I woke up this morning feeling like something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. So I decided to just start writing down my thoughts to help me identify my thorns. What I came up with was a list of things in my life that need tidying up (my finances, better organization, clearing my inbox). Basically getting my life back under control. I had been sick for the past week and a half and as a result, have a lot of loose ends. I never feel good when I have loose ends. Thanks for the article.
Thank you for the distinction, Lisa. YES, sometimes what is bothering us is that we are procrastinating. This is a great signal to tell us to get off our duffs and get moving. Thank you. I know that one well. blessings
I always find your posts at the right moment. This weekend my friend was telling me how he had been upset about a story someone shared on Facebook. He didn’t think it made any sense and that the writer was wrong. He brought up his problem with the post to a roomate of his, to which the roommate responded, “Why are you so upset?”
He said he was so glad someone asked that question. He realized he was upset because he has a similar problem with being wrong. It helped him get over the nonsense he was feeling and to reconsider future relapses.
Thanks for sharing,
Bryce
hi Bryce. Don’t you love it when something bothers you, and someone else isn’t bothered at all by the matter. It can be very illuminating. I know … I have been there many times. blessings
Keep slipping up our rational minds!
I like that.
Hi David. Imagine looking out the window and seeing one bird. Do we imagine that one bird lives in a different world than all the other birds you don’t see? ‘Keep slipping up the rational mind’. Thank you.
Hi Rob, What bothers me is injustice. Nothing gets my ire up as much as seeing people in a positions of power take advantage of others. I’ve been lucky in my life to never really want for anything and I see it as my duty to look out for those that have not been afforded the same lot in life. I think we all have a responsibility to look out for each other regardless of race, religion, creed etc. You could say my bothersome things have inspired me to take action for causes I believe in. As a lawyer I’ve dedicated my life to representing those who need take on the big boys. It’s a good fight and has given me a feeling of great satisfaction and purpose.
Hi Georgie. I love how you have allowed injustice to bother you in a way that motivates you to take action to stop the injustice. This is perfect! Thank you for sharing that. blessings
Oh yes Rob. Nature as so many wonderful lessons to teach us. I’m convinced if we were to give ourselves resolutely to nature we could learn everything we need to know about ourselves. My biggest bothers are spiritual know-it-all-types. You know the ones who float around with the clever holly than thou attitude. Of course you know why it bothers me… as you pointed out in one of our seminars, I am spiritual pain in the but! haha. At the time I hated hearing it, but it was a great lesson for me. The things that bother us most are just mirrors reflecting what we don’t like about ourself. Now I like it when people bother me because I can immediately ask the right question and figure out what it is I don’t like about myself.
Hi Alicia. It seems that there are a lot of spiritual know-it-all types out there. The fact that they bother you is telling: What thou be-est, thou see-est (as you pointed out). You are a brave individual to share that past experience. Thank you.
I enjoyed the message in this post. Most certainly, there have been many times when I have wanted things to conform to mental picture but they did not. I was frustrated. At the same time, I learned that I needed to let go of the things that I could not change.
I also enjoyed what Alicia shared too. I used the same concept of mirroring myself and asked what it is about me that I am averse to.
Hi Evelyn. Self-evasion is the enemy of growth and development. When we are bothered by someone, and dare ask, “What is this reminding me of myself?” … the truth can be very awakening. Thank you for that tip. blessings
I think bothersome things are good. They make you review the situation. When you reviewed you learned that you can be a bit rigid in the way you see things. So I don’t mind when I feel ‘bothered’. For me sometimes it’s a message that I need to go and take a rest or deal with a specific problem.
I loved the first parrot story. It’s usually always the one who perhaps likes an animal less than others that gets the attention from that animal. I think animals do this on purpose and quite right too!
Hi pea. Indeed, when we are bothered, we are often being rigid. Who is the person who finds herself? It is the person who eventually runs out of hiding places and finally faces the fact that she (he) is being too rigid. Thank you.
What bothers me? It would be easier to answer what doesn’t bother me! I think everything bothers me these days… work, women, money and on and on. I am actually curious as to where you think a good place for me to start is. I used to enjoy going out and getting drunk with my friends, but even that has become a bit bothersome at times. Hangovers definitely bother me. That’s easy one to learn from, but I’ll admit i’m still going to do it. I’m a bit stuck with this one.
hi Alan. Thank you for your honesty. Everything bothers you. EVERYTHING? That is a powerful word. You can cause less trouble for yourself if you use this word carefully. blessings
Ha ha! Good question. I would not even know where to begin if I had to name all the things that bother me! But it does make me glad to know there are stupid things that can get you angry too. You know this has been a HUGE one for me. The biggest part of my breakthroughs that you have helped me with is to even start questioning why little things set me off. Going from zero to irate used to be a daily experience for me. I’ve come to realize, that for me, there will be no end to things that can make me angry unless I learn how to cope with them. I realized I will always find some reason to get riled up and agitated because that is exactly what I was looking for. Nothing is ever going to exactly fit my vision of the way things should be. Just accepting this has helped me calm down over the last year or so. There are times when I can even laugh when things fall apart. I see how exact and specific I want things to be and the universe will give me almost the OPPOSITE. When I’m that far off I can see how unrealistic and ridiculous that vision is…. like I was setting myself for the failures that we talked about. Thanks rob
There are many stupid things that get us angry, Ramone. So dare to keep traveling, making the distinction between stupid things and smart things that make you angry (then let them all go – both the stupid and the smart things that make you angry). blessings
Hi Rob,
You ask what bothers me? Poor Drivers, Will anyway I think there driving sucks.
They drive in the left lane and go under the speed limit. Wait until they need to turn at the last minute and cut through 2 lanes of traffic.
What I need to learn is patience with drivers. And I really have to laugh, because every time I get into the car I see these driver. I have really been working on this and I shall overcome it. After all I don’t believe they teach driving like they use to, so I just have to learn to adjust.
Life is fun when you look at those little things that bother and figure out why. Great post again rob and no worries “I’m working on my bother-sum things, but thank for help me focus on them so I get enjoy life more all the time.
Blessing,
Debbie
Hi Debbie. i love that you pointed out something that bothers a lot of us (me too). You speak of daily inner action that is needed to deal with daily outer nuisances. life is beautiful, isn’t it? blessings
Yes, rob life is beuatiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Debbie
oops i got in a hurry Beautiful!!!!!!!There I got it right
Debbie
Hi Rob,
I’m very, very bothered by traffic. I feel like it creates inefficiencies in my day and takes away from my “production” time. Well what do you know, when I started a new job back in June, I also started commuting to downtown. And of course that comes with even more traffic.
After a few weeks into June, I started to feel the dread of going to work. I knew it wasn’t the work, because that I enjoyed…it was the process of getting to and from work–the driving in traffic.
One morning, I left home on a conference call that ended very shortly after my drive had began. I continued my drive to work and realized that the trip didn’t feel long or short, nor did I feel bored or annoyed…I just arrived to work. Upon pulling into the parking structure I went to turn down my music and realized it was already down (from the conference call – I had never turned it up). I had driven all the way to work in silence.
I got to work and felt extremely ready to get to work. During the drive in the silence I had basically planned out my day in the car. During my drive home, I left the music off as well, to allow myself to think without distraction. I was able to mentally plan out all of my evening work related activities that I do once my family goes to bed. This was cool!
So, today, while still not a fan of traffic I am a fan of using the time productively. Now I have no dread in my drive to and fro work because that time actually makes me more productive–I’m able to have some planned planning time for my day. Looking back, it’s almost like I was feeling this dreaded feeling because my body was telling me that I wasn’t using the time wisely. Now, I feel no dread.
This all turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Now, the challenge for me is to allow this same thing to happen in other areas that bother me. I’m still no fan of traffic..but I am a fan of what it provides me. Some days, when I have a lot on my mind, I find myself saying “I hope there’s a little traffic so I can think.”
Thank you for another magnificent post Rob!
I love your final remark, Jk. When being challenged, you say, “I hope there is some traffic so I can think.” Imagine being a sailor, and every day you find yourself in a different boat; one day in a dingy, another day in a motorboat, and a third day on a sailing yacht. Daily traffic jams can feel like that. Our job is to see ourselves on the sailing yacht more, and in the dingy less. That’s what your statement helps you to do. blessings
Hi Rob,
Yesterday, coincidentally was a wonderful traffic day for me. As you know my site had been hacked. Also, I had ran into some road blocks in getting the issue corrected during the day. I’m not one to panic…and I didn’t. But I did feel an extreme desire to get the issue fixed. I had a very busy day at work from start to finish so I wasn’t able to invest much time in research or anything else. I had 50 things running through my mind and found it hard to focus because of all of the “stuff” in there (my mind).
On my drive home yesterday, I had wished that I wouldn’t have any traffic so I could get home and address the issue of my site being hacked. Well, I was presented with a gift – lots of traffic – which I used to my benefit. I was able to clear my mind with meaningless stuff and organize steps of the stuff that I needed to take care of. This allowed me to step outside of the problem, view it from a 3rd person perspective; an angle that provided me the clarity I needed.
The hack has been addressed, and fixed.
Thanks Rob.
Hi Jk. You chose to make the traffic jam a sailing yacht rather than a dingy. NICE!
Yo robby-boy-OO! Theres not much that bothers me but what MOS DEF does bother me are pickleheads that want to cramp my style. They are those stoopid-o people who know how everyone else should have to act, think talk and walk just because they were born with a silver spoon in their hand (or more like up their A$#%@!*) HAHAHA. It’s like oh I went to BU or some other mediocre school and not EVEN HARVARD which wouldn’t matter anyway because they have never thought for themselves in their entire LIFE! If you so smart why am I stealing all your LADYS!!! and probably making more $$$ than you…And even if I’m not at least I’m earning my keep and didn’t hooked up by my pops. These are the lame ass people who go through their whole lives so they can retire and play golf while their kids secretly hate them and their wives are cheating with the Tennis Pro. It’s called a massive HEART ATTACK at age 55 waiting to happen! So yeah, people that think THEY now what I should be doing should be looking at their doomed future before they tell me how to live. THAT BOTHERS ME! I’m LIVING large and leapin the bounds of the Pickleheads BABY! I let them motivate me to make my life everything they secretly wish they had!!!
Hi magic. T’is wisdom to withhold from expressing a selfish personality. We’ve spoken about your ‘easy successes’ and that which only feeds into your selfishness. It requires strength of mind for you to make the distinction. Keep going. blessings
I’ve never paid any mind to things that bother me. I just figured I was right and justified! I still kind of think I am. As far as I’m concerned there will always be people or things that bother me. My natural inclination is to just not get involved or avoid those things. Why should I hang around with people or stay in place I don’t like? By simply removing myself from the situation I feel fine. I don’t want to spend my life psychoanalyzing every thought and feeling that I have. If the situation is bothering me, big deal. I’m taking off. People can do whatever they want.
Hi Richard. the curse of thinking that we are ‘right and justified’ with what we believe and how we act. Hmmm, so little room for expansion (I know … I’ve been there more than once … many more times than once). Thank you for reminding me. blessings
Hi Richard Roma,
I wish i could be like you are. It felt so good to read the way you said it. But i am in a situation where i can’t get off with the things and people that bother me. i’ll have to cope with it by being in it. i can’t run away.
Wow! What a great concept! I had never thought to take a look at the things that were bothering me to see what lessons I can learn from them! Thanks for giving me something to think about.
Hi Grady. We can get rightness from what bothers us when we are willing to be creative about the matter. This is what makes you and me (and the entire human race) such an incredible race of beings; we can find ‘the seed of an equivalent good’ in even the most bothersome things. blessings
Traffic, traffic TRAFFIC!!! I’m with you JK. It is the bane of my existence. I’ve tried everything. Classical music, NPR, Meditation CDs, Books on tape, you name it. People consider me calm and well put together but if they ever saw me loose my cool because of a traffic jam they would have to reconsider that opinion. It is something I have to work on constantly or else I could let it spoil the other 22 hours of my day. It’s helpful to hear how others cope with this. Thank You! Okay I’m off… one more day of commuting!
Hi Joan. One day a stranger entered a country filled with cars. He thought the thrill of having cars was getting into traffic jams. He was taught that the opposite was true; we all hate traffic jams. He then wondered why we invented cars. blessings
Thank you for posting this! I may have needed this… my boyfriend drives me crazy. it’s hard to love someone and want to strangle them at the same time! He’s such a smart person, but I swear he doesn’t think or have any common sense! I tell him what I’m doing for the day and then 5 minutes later he asks what I’m doing. Or better yet, or conversation last night:
Me: Hey I’m on my way home, I just dropped Matt off
Him 2 minutes later: Have you dropped matt off yet??
He claims he repeats for emphasis but this drives me INSANE. It makes me feel like he doesn’t listen or care about what I have to say. I’m hoping this will help me out
Reading this was the right thing on the right time. I understood the essence and every message that it holds. i have been reading self help books. But whenever similar things happen i get gloomy, feel sad, that feeling of self pity. i wish its was as simple to implement as it is to understand.