September 23rd, 2011 by rob white
One day a nervous seeker came to one of my workshops and asked, “Can you help me draw out the best in me?” During a break, he was on his cell phone. He came back into the room and announced that his girlfriend had taken him back and he felt better now, so he was going to leave.
Three months later this same nervous seeker showed up at my workshop, and again asked the same question, “Can you help me draw out the best in me?” That afternoon, at lunch, he was on his personal computer. He came into the workshop after lunch to gleefully announce that he just got the job he applied for, so he felt better now and was going to leave.
One of my assistants, who had attended the prior workshop, asked me, “How long will he repeat this behavior pattern?” I responded, “Until he can see.”
What did this nervous seeker have to see before he could declare liberty from his soap opera misery.
(1.) The first thing he’d have to see is that his usual way of thinking was not going to solve his problems. He needs to develop a new way of seeing things, and he cannot do that while enslaved to mechanical thinking.
(2.) The second thing he’d have to see is that he attracts his problems. The world does not bring his problems upon him – he outmanifests his problematic way of seeing things upon the world (which reflects them back to him).
(3.) The third thing he’d have to see is that he must take responsibility for solving his way of seeing things, that is, if he expects to permanently solve his problematic life style … “If it is to be it is up to me.”
(4.) The fourth thing he has to see is that shoving his discouraging self-opinions in a cupboard is not going to solve his problems.
Student: How do you know that he has discouraging self-opinions?
Teacher: Because he continually experiences a discouraging life.
(5.) The final thing he must see is that there is no gain whatsoever to suffer from yourself (all suffering is a consequence of what you think about yourself). YES, all suffering is a consequence of what you think about yourself! WOW that’s a big one.
Picture in your mind a person who has only one possession – a tree that produces bad apples right on the limb. The bad apples are plentiful, and though he hates them, they are all he has … so he eats them. He suffers from a bad mood because of this dilemma.
(1.) He must first see that the tree only produces bad apples.
(2.) He must see that he nurtures the tree, which keeps it thriving.
(3.) He must see that it is time FOR HIM to find a new seed and grow a new tree.
(4.) He must see that he must throw the bad apples away, don’t hoard them in a basket or surely he’ll go back and bite in one.
(5.) He must see that there is no benefit whatsoever to biting into a bad apple.
What do you have to see about yourself so that you may plant new thought-seeds in your mind? (New thought-seeds that will not grow bad apples.)
What do you have to take responsibility for? What recurring problem shows up in your life as a bad apple?
When you know yourself for what you are - a superlatively creative being, who is destined to win at whatever you set your mind to – it is quite easy to take care of yourself. Of course, you realize that if you set your mind to suffering, you will win at creating a life of soap operas. You always win. Please read this paragraph again.
Please let me know what thoughts this blog brings to your mind. I love your comments.
blessings
“Best Comment of the Week.” This weeks best comments come from Sturat of Unlock The Door and J.D. Meier of from Sources of Inisght. Thank you both for your honest, heartfelt sharing. See their comments here.
Illustrations by nick
I re-read that paragraph you told us to, and it’s a good thing, because it REALLY sunk in the second time. I’m going to share this with my readers on FB & Twitter…I think this is a message many of us need to read (sometimes over and over) before it sinks in!
Hi Lindsay. We are incredibly creative beings, aren’t we. We always win at whatever we set your minds to. If we feel unworthy of winning, we set our mind to losing …. and guess what? We WIN at LOSING. If it is to be, it is up to thee … isn’t it, Lindsay. Thank you
Rob,
This sentence stuck out for me: “all suffering is a consequence of what you think about yourself!” I love that and couldn’t agree more. I’m big on seeing patterns. I recently manifested a slight flu (just enough to annoy me, but not make me truly suffer), twice in a couple of months. I can’t remember when I was last sick before that, so that definitely got my attention. Because I had 2 instances, I could compare what was going on at the time, what I was doing, what I was thinking… I couldn’t pinpoint it after the first time, but after the second, the problem became clear. In an attempt to 100% authentic, I was putting pressure on myself to disclose something on my blog that I felt uncomfortable about. I thought the discomfort was fear and so I tried to release it or push through it, to no avail. It turned out to be intuition – I wasn’t meant to share this thing. My audience isn’t ready for it and neither am I. But the idea that I should do so, even when I felt I shouldn’t was causing discord and that caused the flu. Twice. When I made peace with the fact that authenticity is not the same as sharing indiscriminately, my flu cleared up and hasn’t returned since. Awesome.
I always love your blogs. And I know I’ve said this before, but the drawings are just adorable.
Hugs!
Melody
Hi Melody. You make a lot of powerful distinctions. This occurs because you have learned the fine art of ‘impartial self-investigation’. It’s the only way to do it. Your comments offer folks great advice (and you dare to share your life). Thank you.
As always Rob, you took my mind on an adventure.
Re-reading that last paragraph (and the whole post) I came away with this: we all have the power to change our mind sets thus changing our fortunes. The only way to do it though is by realizing where our faults occur and to meet them head on and solve them.
Regardless of where you are in life, you have the power to change. I mean, I see it all the time. There are plenty of stories about people being down and out, but somehow they rise up and are now on top of the world. How did they change their lives? they DECIDED that they wanted more.
They changed their mindset!
The trick is to not feel sorry for yourself, but instead realize that you want to change and figure out how to get out of your rut.
Thanks for this Rob,
Jeremy
hi Jeremy. Yes, the trick to self-growth is not to feel sorry for yourself. Nice addition to the blog. When dwelling in the light, we still find ourselves stumble at bit, but we see it as an opportunity to lean something and grow. Clearly that is your goal. Your practical way of seeing things will offer your an enriching life in inspiring ways that you’ve not yet imagined. Keep going. blessings
Two things leap out at me Rob with this post a) he asks others for answers and doorways when he has them within and all the keys neccessary and b) the repitition. The latter is the big one – that which continues to show up in our lives is there (pain or joy) to show us that we are missing something, veering off course too much or perhaps on the positive have our whole purpose aligned with life. What persists instructs. Or in other words, what always shows up when we show up?? The response to that it the stortyteller to our life narrative. Once upon a time….
hi John. Nice touch: ‘What always shows up when we show up” … hmmm, very revealing (if we are willing to notice). Sincere searching, with questions like this one that you posed, is always very rewarding. Thank you for that question. blesssings
Hello Rob,
I’ve went through a progression in life and this post has made me aware of it.
As a kid, I was very insecure. You’d never know it because I was good at covering it up, but inside I was insecure. I grew up masking this insecurity and I got really good at it. But of course the duct tape can only hold so much, because the unaddressed realities seeped out from time to time (and still do).
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At some point as a young adult I caught on to what I was doing to myself and realized that in order for me to truly be changed, that I had to be the culprit of the change. I did this, mostly not conscious of what I was doing. But I started to take ownership of not only my actions but my reactions and what I got back out of life.
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I recall during this stage I felt very uneasy with life and I didn’t know why. But then I started to realize that I had control…that led me to develop an ego. I was inadvertently egotistical. Rarely the overtly ego-type, but I thought egotistical thoughts and did egotistical things while promoting an aura of the humble.
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I’m not claiming to be cured. I know there are times when I’d rather blame someone or something other than myself. Once I sit back and think for a moment with a clear head I can feel that I’ve pushed blame to someone or something else. There are times when not owning up to the hardships I’ve caused myself is easier in the present…but much harder in the long run because if I don’t accept and admit it, I surely can’t work to addressing and fixing it.
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In this post, you described what a lot of people refer to as bad luck. I used to call it that too. I called it that before I realized that there truly is no such thing as luck. Chance isn’t really chance…it’s reality of our actions…it’s an effect. If we want good luck, then we have to do something to produce that outcome. If we are subjects of “bad luck”, then we’ve done something to attract that.
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The bad apple tree analogy is a great one because it shows a clear picture how we nurture the bad, and loftily still expect good from it.
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In so many ways this post was good Rob. I’ve only read it once and plan on reading it several more times because even as I scrolled back up to revisit some of the points while writing this comment, the content hit me differently. Your posts bring out the honesty in me. They make me want to be better and I realize that in order to make it there–I need to act accordingly.
Thank you Rob
Hi Jk. It is so clear that a book is in your future. Your autobiography is fascinating. It’s like everyone else’s, but you glean insights and wisdom from your experiences that offer self-understanding and self-advancement to those who read what you say with an intent of learning something about themselves. Your underlying message is this: ‘lean on nothing but your true self to guide you’. This is a powerful way to live one’s life, Jk. It will never fail you. blessings
I feel like crying while reading this posts. The truth of the source of my suffering dawns on me, and I couldn’t hide myself from it. Mine is a case of low self esteem, inferiority complex and great insecurity…but the last paragragh made a great impact on me. Rob, my life is changing for the better, I promise. Thanks for this wonderful piece. (I read your posts everyweek but it’s my first time of giving my comment…can u see my problem- low self esteem)
Hi Oluwa.
Low self-esteem is the the chief cause of everyone’s problems. We all feel unworthy to some extent (some more than others). Thank you for your sincere honesty.
Here is a plan to stop low self esteem from stopping you.
(1) Notice when you are feeling inferior.
(2) Stop right there
(3) Noticing without giving it further thought. Just noticing weakens it. If you think about it, the very mind that is causing the low self-esteem will feed it more fuel to burn you.
You are incredibly valuable to the human race, to the planet, to life in general, Oluwa.
blessings
Ha! I totally identify with this. Not only for myself, but for others that come to me for help.
It can be so difficult to see our own blindspots.
While I can look back on previous thought patterns, behaviors, and beliefs and see why I ended up with what I did, I sometimes find it a challenge to move forward. To accept. To expect. To believe. Yes, there is an element of work that goes into it, changing beliefs and thought patterns, and gradually gaining more understanding. A time to act and a time to pause.
One of my biggest challenges at the beginning of the intuitive practice was to understand that answers and guidance become available when the person is ready, and not one moment before. And, that all the best advice in the world falls on deaf ears until the time comes for them to hear it. If it comes.
hi julie. INDEED, until the person is ready, nothing changes. Here’s a tip for you to pass onto others who come to you for help: spend more time studying the subject of identification … and then don’t identify. What does that mean? It means that if the person who comes for help did not identify with the ‘I AM’ they considered themselves to be … they would be ready for answers. But they cannot be ready if they identify with the ‘I AM’ that is suffering. I could say so much more about this, but I’ve got to go now. blessings
I just don’t get those people that wait till they hit rock bottom and then all of sudden think life is unfair and expect somebody to save them! I’ve learned that there is no magic wand someone can wave over me thats going to fix everything. I used to think if I just read the right book or listened to the right “guru” I would find one magic thing that would make me breakthrough. I think we have to learn to work on ourselves everyday! Not just when there is a crisis. And then, someday soon I’ll find myself having the breakthrough. Waiting stinks!
But I’ve come to terms to realize that any lasting significant breakthrough is going to take time, persistence and patience
Hi Kara. so many folks go the the ‘waiting room’ in their mind, hoping change will occur in their lives. NOPE, as you know … it just won’t happen that way. blessings
Hi Rob,
The story in your article reminds of the definition of insanity:”doing the same thing and expecting a different result.” As long as we eat from the tree of bad apples, we will get a stomach ache. I can identify with your article in that I have stopped doing a lot of stuff that was not working for me-basically working hard in the wrong way. Consequently, I have seen the benefits of my new choices.
hi Lisa. INDEED, the definition of insanity that you offer is exactly what occurs when we plant bad thought-seeds in our mind, and hope they will produce a good life (even though they have proven not to for years). Our pains are caused by our wrong viewpoints, and it is insane to ignore this fact. Thank you for that
I like that line, Rob: “There is no benefit whatsoever to biting into a bad apple.” And yet so many times so many of us pick up the bad apples of life (that we have grown ourselves!) and bite away!
Thanks for the reminder that we can drop the bad apples in life and grow new trees, nurturing good fruit instead of the stomache ache-producing kind!
hi ken. thanks for catching the ‘bad apple’ lesson. We cannot hear it too often. Our mind runs an imaginative film that has us get goodness out of badness. It’s insanity. Badness is madness. Don’t go mad; plant new thought-seeds in the mind, and nurture them daily. Thank you.
Ha ha… It is apple season, and I will be taking the family apple picking! This year I am looking forward to it. The difference is I used to do it begrudgingly… I would wander off and eat the bad apples! As you know, a huge part of the work I am doing to change my life involves being more involved with family… Not just involved but truly enjoy it. It’s amazing how simple big changes can be. I am actually looking forward to this family trip! I’m going to indulge in the good apples and even have a ball getting some cider and donuts. Just a year ago a day trip like this would have me feeling agitated and anxious, feeling like I should be home relaxing with football or tinkering with my bike in the garage. This change of thinking is so simple and so astounding to me at the same time.
Hi Roger. your life has changed in extraordinary ways since we met a while back. I learn from you. Remember, your disappointments occur from what you hoped would happen, never from what actually happened. This is a sly one that needs to be studied. blessings
Agree Rob. After all, we create what we think about. If we see ourselves as being successful, happy, and content – then we will be!
Alex
Hi Alex. let’s take your statement deeper. You said, “We create what we think about.’ Let’s add this: Receptivity allows us to experience the creation that we think about. Some folks think the right thoughts, but are unreceptive because they feel unworthy. We’re getting there, aren’t we. Thank you
HI rob,
I know what you are talking about here. This one is very good, ” He must see that it is time FOR HIM to find a new seed and grow a new tree.”
So many times we blame anything we can for what is going on in our lives. And all along it is us and our thinking. We do create our own world, but the good thing is we have control to change that world and be who we are meant to be when we take responseablity for what is happening.
Life is wonderful when we see we are the change that needs to be made and grow a new tree!
You make me smile and I thank you,
Debbie
hi Debbie. INDEED, if changes are to occur in our world, they must begin within us. Nice touch. Might I add this: Any failure, when met with self-awareness, offers the opportunity for inward change. This guarantees the failure is not repeated. blessings
When I first read this, I wasn’t sure what I had that kept recurring in my life. Until I went back to my own site and was responding to a comment on one of my posts.
Over the years, I have suffered from a lack of money. The key reason behind this hasn’t been income (though I could improve in that area). Rather, it was through laziness and neglect. I kept bouncing checks, overdrafting my account, taking rentals back late, paying bills late… Any number of things that were wasting money.
But when I started paying attention to those things, I began to see that it wasn’t helping me get to where I want to go. I started “planting a new seed” of taking action in a timely manner so I wouldn’t keep getting these fees.
I’m also starting to plant seeds to take care of the income situation and many other things as well. I’ll need to watch these as they grow to make sure they turn into good apples, rather than bad ones, but I think I’m finally starting to move in a direction I want to go.
Thanks for the thought provoking post!
hi Grady. Thank you, thank you for sharing the truth about your money challenges. What a gift to others. You are not alone. One’s pains with money come from a wrong viewpoint about money. The problem is not the bad habits with money; that’s simply an out-manifestation of a wrong viewpoint about money. I really enjoy money … and money enjoys me. We make great company together, and it loves to come to me. This one I’ve got down, pat. (In other domains of my life, I still need work) Ponder this viewpoint conversation a bit, okay? Thank you.
“I really enjoy money… and money enjoys me. We make great company together, and it loves to come to me.”
I love it! Thanks Rob!
Hey brother, Good stuff. Sometimes people try to figure out how I can be so easy going. I think they want me to tell them I smoke a lot of weed or something. I’ve come to realize that the truth is I’ve really learned to just be responsible for all my perceptions. When I am angry, frustrated or whatever I take a deep look at how I am seeing things. Buddah said perception is deception or something like that. All that means is that I am responsible for how I see things. It’s funny, I think people want to hear I do drugs so it will let them off the hook for being uptight and anxious all the time. I think the best drug really is feeling “If it is to be it is up to me.” Bad apples and bad ganja… no good!
Hi Rus. I love your attitude with this comment. Loose and easy. Real nice. You see the attractiveness of a higher life, and you pursue it. That is a lesson for everyone to learn. blessings
Hey Rob,
I like the quote from Abraham Hicks, “There is no gain in pain.” We just have to learn to be aware of what is working for us and what isn’t. Since we are deliberate creators we have the ability to change our external experiences.
hi Justin. The truth is stronger than regret, fear, boredom, resentment, bitterness, disappointment, and all other painful experiences that exist. There is no gain in suffering, but sometimes there is gain in pain. pain is a great teacher. I am not making Hicks, wrong … I am just adding some depth to the statement. Thank you for bringing it up. blessings
Hi Rob, I see so many young people right out of school who get embroiled in those dramatic soap operas. I have interns that rotate through and I just don’t understand where this attitude of privlege comes from. My generation was never like that. We just worked hard and did what it took to make ends meet. If there were problems we nipped them in the bud and got back to work. These kids come into work expecting the whole world to stop for their petty problems. Self-help stuff is great, but can be detremental to kids who expect to magically become rich and famous. “Unrealized potential” doesn’t mean a thing unless you are willing to do the work to get the goods. Sorry for ranting… new interns this week! ha ha
Hi Carol Anne. YES, unrealized potential is worthless unless you are willing to put in the work to realize it. Thank you for your frankness. Go ahead and be successful with any dream that enthralls. That’s what we’re here for, right? Blessing
Hi Robert, It sure is funny how habitual we humans can be. Even when the habit continually makes us sick. I’ve never understood why I fall into patterns that just keep giving me the same crummy results. One of my recurring themes is I always manage to work with / hire people who turn out to be maniacs. Contractors, boat partners etc. I like hanging out with interesting characters so I like to give them shot if there is some work to be done. It’s always more trouble than it is worth in the end – although I do come away with some great stories.
Hi Salty. You hire interesting people and come away with great stories. YOU ARE A GREAT STORY. I love how your life unfolds (and you orchestrate it). thank you.
Hi Rob,
Excellent post as usual. While I was reading the post, I tried to relate it to the money domain in my life. I need to continue working on the new tree that I’m building. It is a tree of money. I have to nurture it by thinking thoughts that are only prosperous and get rid of scarcity. I’m responsible for this new tree that I’m building so I am nurturing it daily and I will keep on nurturing it until it grows.
Thanks for sharing my friend
Hi Dia. Money is easy. When you learn to be easy around money, it will flock to you. REALLY! Attitude is everything. I love money and money loves me. This does not mean I am greedy. It means I love all the good things money can do in the world, and money loves to come to me so I can use it to do many good things in the world. Your whole duty (in the money domain) is to understand this. blessings
Wow Rob, this is a mega powerful post!! Boy do I get this. I think this could also be defined as the definition of insanity – “doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results”. I can say I understand this a little more than I care to admit. For years, I had this thing with attracting verbally abusive people (mainly male relationships) into my life. Most people don’t believe that at all because my personality now so doesn’t come across as allowing such to happen. I absolutely know where it stems from, but that didn’t stop me from being “attracted” to that type of destructive behavior.
Looking back I see things so clearly and it wasn’t until I became a mother and starting placing worth on who I was that this attraction became more distance and eventually completely faded. I actually laugh now that I was ever in that place and though the memories or truly nightmares haunted me still, I knew it was a place I would never revisit. It’s funny but it just hit me that it’s been at least a year now without any real nightmares tugging at me in my dreams. I believe they’re all gone now and the pastures are so much fuller and greener and more beautiful now.
Oddly, even at the ugliest, lowest points, I was still thankful in some way because I knew I was going to grow … eventually. I also know because of my lack of willingness to plant new seeds that I prolonged a pain that was completely unwarranted and unnecessary.
Thank you kind sir for helping me reflect on this and realize how far I’ve come.
I like coming to your place as I’ve said before. It’s beautiful and safe and the skies are crystal clear here … thank you, thank you.
With a full heart,
Elena
Hi Elena. You’ve come a long way baby! it is apparent in your comments. You cannot just paint the outside of the house and expect the interior to look good. You learned that long ago. You have so much going on for you on the inside; you are a gift to the world. It shows in your carting attitude. Remember that. blessings
Hi Rob,
My apologies for being late to the comments section, but I once again really enjoyed this post. I especially liked your second point about people attracting their problems.
I know people like that and I always wondered if the reason they always had these recurring problems was because of themselves. That they were attracting the problems.
Some people don’t understand that point. A really easy way to see this carried out in your own life is to think back to high school. Did you ever notice those people who were attracted to drama? The people who always had to be in a bad relationship, get in fights, or cause mischief? Likewise, did you notice the people who you knew would have bright futures, the scholarship winners, the kids leading clubs, the straight A’s?
Why didn’t the bright future kids not attract the same amount of drama as the first group? Was it coincidence? I don’t think so.
Although we may not be in high school anymore, we still can influence whether we attract good and joy or negativity and drama.
Thanks Rob for shedding your light on a plague we regularly deal with.
Bryce
I Bryce. I like your addition to the blog. You takes it deeper and help us understand the conversation better. Follow carefully your own words; they will rid you of problems that still bother you. Nice lesson. thank you.
Hey Rob, thanks for this. This could be loosely veiled account of me at the seminar! When things are going smoothly I think I have all the answers and am on my way to fame and fortune… but one little crack n the armor and I come running back for help! Ha ha. Sad but true. I’m just working on being more even keeled and realistic. Like we talk about, we have to expect zig zags along the way. I used to press the panic button every time my ‘master plan’ took a zig. Now I’m learning and correcting. I’m getting there. I’ve given up whining for taking care of business. That’s the new tree I’m planting – the good apples are not as abundant yet, but the few I have are much better for the journey on my long term goals.
Hi john. I remember well your cracks in the mirror. Your chief negative emotion was disappointment. you have evolved! And now when you catch a glimpse of yourself in your old act, you know how to break the pattern. I love your gusto. thank you.
Hi Rob, Yeah I can use this. I’m always running around putting out fires. I swear it feels like I spend 90% of my time just fixing things so I can get back to normal. I spend so much time just getting back to normal that I never find the time to plant the the good seeds. I don’t really know how I can stop the recurring problem pattern. I think if I could go on a retreat for like a couple months I could cut out all my nonsense and start with a clean slate. That’s simply not gonna happen though. It’s really hard for passionate / impulsive people like me to just start with the new thought-seeds. By the time I realize what I’m doing I’m too far gone and embroiled in another drama… ah sometimes I feel like a hopeless case
Hi Ramone. You may still be putting out fires that you started, but there are far less of them. Be willing to see through your old mechanical ways of walking with a match, and soon you will be out of fires. I like your progress. blessings
Your depiction of the nervous seeker is a pretty accurate one. I see so many typical examples. It would seem as if once things are going well, there is no need for any more self improvement. The nervous seeker is living a life of reaction rather than learning about taking charge. Indeed, he will continually find himself in self-sabotage patterns until he is able to see. It may even take a crisis for him to finally awaken.
Hi Evelyn. A feeling of sadness arises, I immediately identify with it. I think I am the sadness, which I am not. Now I have doubled the error. Do you understand what I mean. What negative emotion still can get the better of you? Have you conquered all of them? If you run into run, what do you do? I like your input. Thank you. Thank you.
In answer to your question – I am a responsibility junkie working at doing things right. I have spent the last 10 years letting go of “right” and working towards “flowing”.
I was not taking baby steps I was trying to push forward and resolve a situation, so my foot, legs and arms manifested in such pain I could not do anything.
My suffering is totally brought on by myself….and I am trying to change that…I want the joy back, even just contentment
I am a change junkie too…I am on the self improvement pathway…beingness or just standing still is not my style (although I benefit much from my meditation practice) I can appreciate others and their journey and I need to keep changing mine.
I do actually have an apple tree that puts out bad apples…I still take care of it because it’s true work is the cross pollinator for the orchard and the apples a stunningly red from start to finish…beautiful.
The drawings are great and make me smile.
Maybe there are folks who are just a lost cause? or will never get the slate clean?
Hi Patricia. You are wonderfully transparent. We learn from folks like you who dare to speak from their heart. thank you . Might I offer a tip. You are exactly where you are supposed to be on the path, but you belong where your original self longs to be (which is a lot farther up the path). I know; this tip also applies to me. blessings
Hi Rob,
I am new here.
While reading through this article, I am reminded of this famous quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes; “A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions.”
It seems that the nervous seeker that you have protrayed have never gotten the enlightenment or the ‘new idea’. He just experienced temporary relief from his persistence troubles. I find it strange that people will stop learning the moment they found out that the solutions to what they were seeking. It is a very narrow minded approach to learning.
Far too often, what you seek is often the gateway to something bigger. I bet you that is the nervous seeker had consciously seek to improve himself beyond what he is experiencing, he will be richly rewarded with many more lessons. What a pity!
Cheers
Hi Jimmy. I like your company (Holmes). When you peer into your original nature, Jimmy, you find that you haven’t the slightest desire to lead the band. You prefer to be the best flutist in the band. It is a sign of psychic expansion to be unconcerned with leading, and more concerned with perfecting your own talents. It feels like that is what you are up to. Are you? Thank you for coming over. blessings
Oh man. That’s me all over! Wolfing down those bad apples like there is no tomorrow. I belly up to the bar every weekend even though I know those are bad apples! I think I do it because I don’t really know what else I would do. I like talking and socializing and meeting new people so it’s not like it is so bad it’s killing me. I have a love hate relationship with my habits. They give me relief and some purpose, but it can feel like a rut too. I’d be lying if I said I wanted to give it up completely. My struggle is balancing the happiness I get out of going out with the “hangover” both literally and figuratively.
Hi Alan. ‘Wolfing down bad apples’ … identifying with this needless craving can be the ruin of a man. You know this. Don’t try to extinguish your compulsions all at once, and your desire to change will work in your favor, one step at a time. blessings
This is a good perspective you offer, Rob. I’ve struggled with addictive behavior in my life and it wasn’t until I could get at the root cause that I could make effective changes. When I would try to put band-aids over the problem I would inevitably cycle right back around. I’ve always been a workaholic which put a burden on my family life. When I would fall back into the pattern I would try to make it up with superficial means, apologizing, buying a few gifts etc. I would vow change and mean it, but before I knew it I was doing the same thing again. I still struggle with it, so this is helpful. I don’t know if we ever completely rid ourselves of addiction, that inkling stays with me and I have to constantly be vigilant to stay on top. Thanks for this.
Hi Georgie. A man with little self-trust, doubts himself a lot. A man with lot of self-trust, doubts himself infrequently. You have evolved into the latter kind of man. Nice job. thank you
Oh SnAP rob-o. YOu know NERVOUS Dudes never get the riches and the #ithces!. Not noBODY and not NOTHING can me make me nervous. How do you like them APPLES!! HAHAHH!. The moment you lose your cool your acting the fool – thats the TRUTH. How’s a lady gonna hook up with a nervous dude?! Or how you supposed to make a $100000000 deal with a nervous partner?! Aint gonna happen. Those are the chumps who get so close and then slam the door in their own face. Just BE COOL AND STAY FOCUSED and your all set in life – that’s what I always say. Dudes gotta stop making things so difficult and mysterious-o. We can all be COOL if we are just REAL about SHiZ. I don’t care if your a nerdy dude or whatever – YOU DONT NEED TO BE A NERVOUS NERD!! HAhAHA. You got me?? BE A NERD but dont be a NERVOUS NERD!!! Like Bill Gates… I’m sure he ain’t NERVOUS when it comes to wheeling and dealin’ He’s COOL as ICE in anatartica – CoOLER than me! COOL AND FOCUSED thats all there is to everything! THOSE ARE THE APPLEs I’m chompin on son!!! PEACE
Hi Magic. I like the apples you’re chomping on … inner peace. NICE. They are delicious apples, aren’t they. The depth of inner peace comes from you … from how much you trust yourself, and you do. blessings
So so true, rob. One thing I’ve learned about me is that I have to be willing to give up my “usual way” of seeing things about once a month. You know how obstinate I can be with my opinions! One way I do this is I simply make it a habit to notice my mind when I start judging and condemning others. I used to just go on a hi-falutin self-righteous path and start doling out opinions and advice for everyone else. Now, when I feel that urge that is my first warning signal that it is time to check in on myself. Most of the time I can float out over myself and see that I AM the one that is in need of a wake up call, not everyone else. I can find the roots of the bad seeds I’ve been watering and get myself to straighten up and flying right!
Hi Alicia. I like how you are alert to warning signals that tell you that it is time for inner change. So many folks ignore the warning signals, and yet, we all get them. It’s amazing how we can make a quick turn in our attitude if we notice the signals in time. Thank you.
You love our comments, I love your posts. Simple.
“Of course, you realize that if you set your mind to suffering, you will win at creating a life of soap operas.” Spiritual gold.
I don’t know if I can play this game though as I have a mental condition that is everything about creating crazy constantly and requires more than introspection to cure it. Outside of it though I am in line with the teacher totally. I see the merry go round suffering other people create so very easily but I cannot see my own. Either I am correct and I don’t do it or I need someone equally vigilant to show me.
I’ll play the next game.
Sigh. Did I mention I love your posts?
I also notice that your comments are equally as interesting and thoughtful and not (I think) because of your regular comment competition. They raise the bar here because of the posts.
Nice insights, pea. You think beyond the usual paradigm. The more you refuse to give time to discouraging thoughts, Pia, the more discouraged they become … and eventually they go away. It seems to me that you sensing this these days. NICE. thank you.
Hi Rob, I think I still feel a strange urge to suffer with myself. Almost like I am paying penance for the past. This is something I need to get over because… well, suffering is no fun! My regrets of the past have set me out on a more virtuous path. I want to be sure I am pursuing the right path because it is in line with a higher purpose. Part of me thinks this means I have to suffer. I don’t know, so many years of indulging my sensual pleasures makes me feel I need to suffer a bit. I want to live a righteous life, but I don’t want to suffer doing it.
Hi Richard. so many folks feel the urge to suffer with their conditioned self. YES, paying penance is a religious thing that many folks buy into. A sensible inquiry is any inquiry that wants to know what life is really about … and I believe you’ll find that most great thinkers agree … it’s not about paying penance for past mistakes. blessings