July 1st, 2011 by rob white
- Do you know what helped me to get my head out of the mud and take a cosmic view of my life?
- Do you know what inspired me to go from school teacher to real estate developer to restaurant owner to book author (with several small successful businesses filling in the gaps between the big aspirations)?
- Do you know what helped me forcefully decline to go along with wrong ways of seeing things so the right ways could reveal themselves?
OK, let’s go!!!
While teaching school in a big city with a lot of problems years ago, I took a weekend seminar on how to improve my life. Don’t get me wrong, teaching is a noble profession (Jesus did it), but I wasn’t feeling satisfied; I’d become a malcontent.
I traveled 500 miles to New York City to participate in a seminar that was titled, ‘the needed light will shine’. I wasn’t satisfied with what I was doing, and I felt as though I needed the light, and I hoped it would shine for me.
The first evening of the seminar, I was told, “You don’t understand yourself or life.” Wow, now that really set me off; “How dare you!” By the end of the night I heard myself saying, “You’re probably right,” but my mind was still steaming with the idea, “What right have you to insinuate that I lack understanding?”
The next morning I learned that my mind is like a crowded hall of shouting voices, all vying for my attention. I heard myself say, “That’s absurd!” I then heard myself say, “Well that’s not entirely untrue.” And then, I heard myself say, “So, what’s it to you?” Could it be? Is my mind a crowded hall of thought-voices offering a dozen differing opinions?
The afternoon of the second day, the seminar leader went on to say, “You must stop wasting your life.” I thought, “I would like to stop wasting my life, that’s why I’m here.” Then I heard myself say, “How rude of you to say such things about me.”
The seminar leader must have read my mind because he called directly on me, and said, “It is apparent that you have not lived your life intelligently or constructively.” Wow, this guy was really starting to get to me.
In the next instant, the seminar leader said, “You can begin right now to find peace of mind.” I blurted out, “That’s what I want, plus success, too.” The seminar leader then looked me directly in the eyes and asked, “Can you see what a threat I am to your peace of mind? He went on to say, “You pretend you want the truth, but you resist with all of your might when you hear it. You’re like a starving man that throws away a perfectly good dinner because he doesn’t like how it was served to him.”
There it is! This ‘starving man’ statement is what put me on the road to change.
Now, I ask you? How delicate is your ego?
Are you like the starving man who throws away a perfectly good meal because your ego doesn’t like how the truth is being served up to you?
Do you really want the life you dream of experiencing … or … if the truth offends your delicate ego, do you walk away, making that other person wrong? I suspect if you answer this question truthfully, you’d have to admit that your ego gets in the way of your learning when its identity is threatened.
Are you ready for the lesson?
Here’s the lesson: Abandon your ego with its insistence that it’s right, not for the reward of learning more … and then the reward of learning exactly what you need to know will be just right.
Here’s the bonus lesson: Rightness always rushes in when wrongness is abandoned.
- Please share a time when you were more concerned with being right than with winning at life.
- Please share a time when you learned something important when you stopped protecting your vanity.
- Please share a time when you experienced your mind like a crowded hall of thought-voices offering a dozen different opinions.
- If you can’t think of anything to share – that’s your delicate ego having it’s
way with you. Consider sharing that.
The bridge that takes you to a new world is called ‘teachability’.
Blessings, rob
“Best Comment of the Week”. This weeks best comment comes from Stacey Hebert from My Lifestyle Max. The runner up is David from Almost Bohemian. See their comments here.
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This is one of those posts that I need to ponder for a while… lots of good insight.
I think there are two main scenarios when you would want to “throw away the dinner.” One is what you mentioned, when your ego is threatened of being hurt. This is not good, and something you should certainly look for whenever you feel defensive.
The other, I experience often lately when I simply don’t want advice. It’s not at all egotistical, but I feel like MY pathway isn’t already paved for me. I have learned to follow my own intuition and throw away a lot of those perfectly good dinners just because I’d much rather enjoy the experience of cooking my own.
Hi Andrew. YES, intuition and instinct are our greatest teachers. Instinct guides the body. Intuition guides the mind (when we allow it to). The first great lesson of any master teacher is, “Listen to your inner guide”. (as you know). And, another way to invite real strength is to be willing to feel ignorant when it’s necessary (when intuition doesn’t seem to be helping), so we can learn from others who know. Thank you for your input. blessings
Your story reminded me when somebody told me I was naive, but not ignorant, but too ignorant to know.
I’ve been lucky in that I’ve lived in a culture for many years, where we have to disconnect our thinking and put it out on the table for inspection by peers and senior thinkers. We have to show objectively in our analysis from multiple angles, and make our assumptions explicit, and allow them to be tested and evaluated without being attached to the thinking or ideas. It was less about having a thick skin or banishing ego, and more about choosing where to focus, and in our group, the focus was on finding the best answer through collective thinking. (Focus always changes everything.)
In the beginning it was rough, but since it was part of the culture, the combination of values for the group created a haven for testing, risking, exploration, and growth. It was especially interesting to see how various people matured their thinking skills over time through deliberate practice.
Hi J.D. The cultural environment in which you live sounds like a thriving one. It does not seem like the usual environment that most people wake up to. Truth changes one’s direction so that mistakes in our lives never set a permanent course – this is what living in a thriving cultural environment can do for us. Might I probe a centimeter deeper? With some folks who comment, there is ‘limbic’ side (an emotional tone). Your comments seem scientific (seem to lack that tone). Am I simply not picking it up? You are capable of doing for yourself whatever you ask of yourself – this comes across clearly, J.D. Thank you for your input. blessings
This reminds of times I have had to deal with pushy and obnoxious clients. They always have a knack for telling me they are not satisfied with something in a way that grates my nerves. My immediate response is always “screw you. I’m not fixing that” (in my head). When I was younger I would just leave the job the way it is or get back at them with shoddy work somewhere else. It took me a while to realize that usually they are right and I messed up. Just because I don’t like the way they said it does not make them crazy stuck up snobs with too much time and money on their hands. I now consider them “demanding” clients and swallow my pride and listen. And you know what, over the course of my career I have learned the most about my craft from the demanding ones. As much as I don’t like them, they are the best one’s to learn how to become a seasoned pro.
Hi Roger. I love how you have applied this to business. YES, swallow one’s pride and listen to a grumbling customer – there may just be something valuable in the words he offers. Thank you
Wow Roger, How do I find a contractor like you?
Hi Rob,
I really like the bonus lesson. After a lecture by Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest renounced a long held doctrinal belief and immediately changed. I have always found that inspirational – why not change now rather than contemplating possible change in the future. On the lighter side: Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well I have others – Groucho Marx. As always Rob a thought provoking post.
Riley
Hi Riley. you’re funny. I like that. Thank you for mentioning the bonus lesson. Rightness is always ready to rush in – if we allow it. Higher forces are always right there in front of us (why do we slam the door?) blessings
Hmmm,let’s see.
I went into finance to prove I could do it even thought deep down inside I knew I really had no interest. I wanted to prove I was right.
I learned that I am a perpetual student when I left this career to go back to school when I was 34. I learned how much I didn’t know. I was full of fears when I gave up my income and my head was full of thought-voices trying to undermine my courage for what I was about to do. (Kind of like I’m hearing now as I wind down the finance career to become a full time entrepreneur.)
I think be open to life-long learning or what you call “teachability” is the sign of someone who will adapt to change and overcome life’s challenges.
Hi Angela. thank you for picking up on the word ‘teachability’. That’s a good one. When you turned from being a money-making machine to an entrepreneur, you did it with self-trust. Dare to rely on your own hidden powers, and you will find your mind open to wonderful advice offered by others who have done the same. Of course, I need not tell you that. You are very open minded. blessings
LOL! This reminds me of my first seminar with you Rob!
I absolutely HATED, HATED you because you basically called me a Know-it-all. I left feeling hurt and angry. But I kept turning it over and over in my head and after a few days I realized you were right. I remember I tried to teach you a few things because I had read the Secret and was ready to take on the world! Oh so embarrassing now!! It’s one of the big things I work on now is to constantly be a student I accept that I don’t know squat! :0
Hi Kara. you know that you are such a joy! You do know that, don’t you? Courage to face oneself grows in quantum leaps with persistent practice to face oneself. Your example of this is always a great gift to me. blessings
Ha – you’re picking up on another part of the culture.
Lots of emotion and passion. BUT, we’re schooled in the art of growing our rational side, to supplement the emotional side (which comes naturally.) This means taking the balcony view, measuring against effectiveness, looking at things objectively, and making data-driven decisions.
We balance that with knowing our “why” and asking what our gut says, and doing the emotional check (if there’s no passion, it’s dead in the water.) And, we know that the mind can rationalize whatever it wants to so the emotional “want” has to be there. The other key here is emotional intelligence … it’s a big deal at Microsoft because we have to balance and blend lots of perspectives, lots of passions, and lots of big stakes stuff.
Of course, that doesn’t mean things don’t go wrong .. we’re human, vulnerable, and there are always curve balls and new challenges to deal with. BUT, it is great to be equpped for the journey and to have an arsenal of tools, strategies, mental models and skills to survive and thrive the path (or at least go down with a pretty good fight.)
The beauty in this is that business skills really do help with life (just like life really helps with business … people are people, and that’s a timeless truth I can bet on .. frailty and all
Hi again J.D. Might I share an insight? There is only one real desire – to know the truth about ‘self’ and to experience it fully. No more of business success, no more of ego-satisfaction, when the desire to know the truth of oneself is strong and intense. If you were tied to a pole and couldn’t move, and then a ring of fire was set around your feet – you would struggle with all of your power to free yourself. That is the extreme desire that you have to experience the divine truth about yourself. Be willing ‘not to have an answer’ to what I have said … and dare to ask, “What does this have to do with me?” blessings
Hi Rob. Oh that pesky truth! Always a tough pill to swallow. When I started my business I had to quickly learn to stop “protecting my vanity.” I realized PDQ that I needed to be schooled in finance. I had a lot of great ideas and a lot of enthusiasm and I thought that was enough. When I saw how much money I was hemoraging I had no choice but to seek out some advice with my tail between my legs. I knew I could ask my father-in-law but believe me he was the last person I wanted to talk to! I swallowed my pride and a had a heart to heart. I was shocked at his compassion and willingness to share sound advice. I never thought I would find such a valuable ally in one of the people I set out to prove wrong.
Hi Carol Anne. thank you for that insightful sharing. You have something much more valuable to do with your life than to yield it to secret pride. What a great lesson you offer. blessings
Hey Rob. I have to think really hard about this because I consider myself easy going and open to everything. I don’t think I have much vanity… but is that my ego?! Now I’m doubting everything!! haha. I think my biggest “sin” is that I assume my attitude is right for everybody else. When people get all worked up, I think, man just relax. I get fed up with Type-A people but I guess the world needs some Type-A personalities running around to get things done. If everybody were like me who’d take care of potholes and politics? So that’s my answer… I have to learn to love Type-A people in all their neurotic uptight glory!
Hi Rus. What I hear you saying is that you want to learn to allow type-A people to remain type-A if they desire. Why allow it? You are not hear to change them. also, more important: they may have a great tip for you about some aspect of improving your life – how can you hear them if you are too busy condemning their type-A personality? blessings
“Teachability”… I get ya. I’ve recently adopted the habit of telling myself “be dumb.” Once I start thinking I know what I’m doing something comes along and knocks me down a notch. I used get depressed when someone would point out how I need to improve my music. I’ve come to accept that it is a constant process and will be evolving forever. Why not be open to hearing some criticism? Even “unfounded” criticism can have some truth to it. If I deem someone naive or ignorant about music there is still some truth to what they are saying – there must be SOME reason they don’t like it. When dealing with caustic personalities I’ve found it is very important to find the gold. Often times the people who know music and the music industry best come off as snobs. But they’ve seen and heard it all before so I better listen. I’d take advice from John Lennon no matter if he wrote on a napkin, chewed it up and spit it in my beer. I have to be ready for the next genius to spit in my beer then! You never know who it could be.
Hi John. That is a great lesson you just taught me. It’s funny and makes a vital point. BE willing to ‘be dumb’ – PERFECT. There is insight in your sharing, John. thank you
For me actually Rob it has been through dream life building that my stubborn refusal and vanity showed it’s over strong influence on me. Instead of taking a regular job and buidling the dream life slowly with robust foundations, I plunged staright in convinced that I was never going to have a ‘normal’ job again. Disrespectful and unwise as I soon lost heaps of money and a whole load of sense. Now I am more balanced and reflective – to create a better life up from the base camp of a sounder everyday one. I got lost in the clouds instead of keeping my feet, and thoughts, on the ground. Time to be a sound as the ground!!
Hi John. when we share our failures, we help others to avoid making the same ones (hopefully). Thank you for your honesty. I remember when I was in my early twenties, I really really thought I had all the answers even thought reality kept proving me wrong. When I find myself insisting on anything these days, I pause to ask myself, “Why do I have to be right, even if maybe this time I am right?” This gives me control over the delicate genius (my ego). blessings
One time I was rocking out with my friends and a nerdy guy was telling me how to talk to some girls. He wanted me to be wingman for him but I thought “no way.” I had a plan that I needed “social proof” to hook up and he was going to kill it. I was trying to be cool and hang back while he just threw himself into the mix. He ended up getting a number while I sipped on a beer and watched. The big lesson was I looked good leaning against the bar and being cool, but he was getting the action!
Hi Alan. We learn that ‘being cool’ is more important than inquiring into learning new things and taking action. That’s a toxic lesson. The people who don’t care if they ‘look cool’ are the folks who take chances, learn from their mistakes (get tips from others), and win at life. blessings.
Hi Rob,
Ooh, this brought up some memories from my past. When I was still in college, I got a job as the General Manager of a restaurant. I was 19, and not qualified for that level of responsibility. I did my best, but my rampant insecurity (I knew I didn’t have the all the experience I needed yet) made me put up this fake, arrogant wall. I remember on my first day, I was in the kitchen, and one of the prep-cooks was trying to explain something to me. Instead of listening and just observing, I took the stance of “I know what I’m doing. I don’t need you to teach me anything.” Huge, HUGE mistake. It took me months to repair the damage I’d done in those few minutes and I’m not sure I ever really got the kitchen’s respect. In the end, event that mistake made me a much better manager, but I used that incident throughout my management career, to remind myself to be open-minded whenever I was “sure” I was right.
Thanks for making me remember this incident. It really shows me how far I’ve come. Everyone we meet has something valuable to share with us. After all, we called them to us. All we have to do is stop being so pig-headed and listen.
Hugs,
Melody
Hi Melody. Wow, I love your story. I’ve owned restaurants. I’ve always been fully aware of my ignorance in the restaurant business (when I began). I was ‘all ears’, as they say. This is one reason I did so well with my restaurants. I had a lot of good advice come my way, and I listened. Now, that’s not the case with others things I did (I can assure you). I guess we call it growing pains. blessings
Rob, I commend you for being open to listening. I’m a stubborn old coot and would have dismissed that new-agey nonsense. I’ve always dismissed that kind of talk and tried to fill the void with being intellectual. I would simply exercise my worldliness and wit to put people back on their heels. It was great for my ego but I never learned a thing about myself. I have a have library full of urbane observations and cunning witticisms… until very recently I didn’t see that this was just my vanity. I was protecting myself from looking at what I really felt and thought deep in my heart (not my head)
Ah, Salty … the man who is opening his heart and using less of his head. What a gift to the world (especially given that you have a head full of wisdom that is best shared from your heart). A little zen there. Thank you, Salty.
I think I battle with this everyday with my boyfriend. I always want to be right even when I know he is 100% right. I have to step out of the conversations mentally sometimes and remember that it’s ok to be wrong. That being wrong only means that you have learned something new. I also believe that being able to admit that you are wrong shows a more confident person. Who wants to have a conversation with the guy/girl who is ALWAYS right. Boring! This has really got me thinking…. thanks for that!
Thank you Meg for your honesty. The ‘rightness game’ is what ruined perfectly beautiful relationships of every kind (Oh, do I know!). Remember that when you sight a weakness in yourself, you create space for a new strength. you are growing. I love it. blessings
Hmmm… I’d have to agree with Meg on this one. Strange thing is, I am her boyfriend. So I guess I do the same thing. I hate being wrong, mostly because I am a logic driven person so I reason everything out. If I am wrong, then my logic is wrong.
Its hard, but I am trying to learn the art of being wrong.
Nice, David – ‘the art of being wrong’. I like that. Open one’s mind to one’s real nature by learning what it means to be wrong – it means nothing bad! Being wrong is an opportunity to discover the truth … glorious blessings!! Thank you
Thought provoking post Rob! I am reminded of my need of approval/acceptance. For me being told that I am wrong, makes me think that I am not approved or accepted versus my actions or process of doing just needing a little constructive criticsm. Growing up, I excelled at school, social life, etc..so any time I was offered great advice, it made me feel less than… I am now learning to learn from wisdom and put my ego aside only to realize that there isn’t an attack against “WHO” I am but only “iron to sharpen iron”… It is amazing how delicate the ego is and its need to be accepted and loved versus just being authentic and allowing people, situations, etc of like mind to gravitate in its sphere.
Thanks Rob~
Kim
Hi Kim. The philosopher is coming out in you. How does it feel? I love your wisdom and your inspiring spirit. When we dare inquire whether our thinking is true, we are inquiring whether it is healthy and sincere – Ah, the pleasantness of such thinking! Thank you
Your account is so funny that it made me laugh out aloud! While the content may differ, the dialogue sounds like what goes on in my mind too.
The day when I decided to commit to my personal growth was the time I decided that it was far more important to do things right than to win. I gave up being overly attached to the results but instead, focus on working from within. Because of my personal journey, I discovered a greater sense of purpose. I have lived in greater freedom ever since.
Hi Evelyn. Thank you for enjoying my hall of inner voices that take over my mind when I allow them to. A mind living in a prison of its own making, has the key to set itself free if we declare self-liberty (and mean it). Your smile reveals the greater freedom in which you are now living. Pleasant. thank you
Hi Rob, I’ve always found that it has been hard to take advice from the people that are closest to me. When it comes to my wife nobody knows me better, yet I refuse her the most. I have an almost automatic response to dismiss her advice as nagging, yet she almost always offers insight that helps… as much as I hate to admit it. Why is it we refuse to see the love and support that is right under our noses?
Hi Georgie. ‘Automatic responses that reduce nagging’ … that’s a good one. Useless thinking falls away when thoughts like this one fall away. Thank you for sharing that. I remember the times when that was my motto (woe is me). blessings
Oh Lord, I cannot think of anything. The voices in my head are distracting me. This only proves that I am incredibly egotistical, which I have suspected all along. I will work on this when I get bored, if I ever do. But I am not going to stop sending food back until they get it right, dagnabit! I paid for that!
Sorry, it is clearly too late to be commenting on stuff. My ghost says go to bed. He is NOT egotistical, so I will listen.
Hi Anna. Wow, your comment made me laugh. By Jove, you got it! The difference between right and wrong is always discernible by the comical. Thank you thank you
I am always open hearing things that I don’t like about myself these days. I’ve learned not to take anything personal, so what do I care. It is so freeing to just be able to listen without judgement about what others think of me. If it has some merit I will heed the advice – If it is unfounded I just let go and float on through.
Hi Alicia. AH, the joy of letting go and just floating. Isn’t that peaceful? Useless defensive thinking just fades away. Sweet bliss. thank you
Rob,
My ego has blocked me from accepting a lot of things in my life. I have been given the formula to success by very wise people consistently all throughout my life. Instead of listening to conventional wisdom I have tried to create my own path. My ego wants to do it by itself. Why? That is a question I am trying to answer by doing things my ego dispises like listening instead of talking.
Hi Frank. One cosmic insight (which you are now having) can solve a thousand ego-related problems. If you want to know why your life is as it is – learn how your mind works. blessings
Wow you have me thinking Rob. When it comes to #1″1.Please share a time when you were more concerned with being right than with winning at life.” I don’t have a problem with being right or with my ego. What my really problem is; Asking for help. I always feel that I am bothering someone. When I started the website business I knew nothing about computers, I was scared of them. I have no problem admitting that when it comes to the technical part what it takes a normal person 2 minutes to do it will take me 1 hour.
I have had many people tell me what I do wrong and I listen and try to learn, but I don’t stick up for myself. In return they walk all over me. However I am growing and keep learning. Still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I will keep moving forward until I find my answer.
Right now I am working hard on figure out just who I am deep inside. If you can help hey I have no problem with that. LOL
Thank you for making me think and hugs to you Rob.
Debbie
Hi Debbie. You say, “I don’t stick up for myself.” That’s a big one. Confusion about oneself ties into feeling unworthy … thus, not sticking up for oneself. Only the security of knowing yourself as the first class citizen that you are (that we all are), can stand up against any circumstance that seems to put you down. Please meditate on this wisdom. It has much to offer you. blessings
Yo what UP ROBBY BOY! I can honestly say I don’t have anything much to share on this one. I just keep SHIZ REAL 24//7. What you see is what you get with the BIG MM. If I F-up I own IT and say my BAD and move on. When I’m killing it with the ladies or doing some mad skilled entrepreneuring you will know about that to!!! What makes Magic Marc ABKS (ALWAYS BE KILLING IT SON!!!) is that I ABL (ALWAYS BE LEARNING). I’m always willing to LEARN from EVERYONE! That’s why I’m HERE. I tell you what, all my boys have no idea I’m into this stuff. Thats my Magic – I’m an enigma, wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a ROLEX HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! PEACE OUT!!!!
Hey marc, How are you with hugs? I get the schizzle…
Hi Magic. here’s a tip that you’ve absorbed, but aren’t aware of it: consciously risk the loss of being cool before losing your cool, and you will lose the fear of losing your cool. Read that slowly. It is what is true about you. thank you.
Oh yeah this ones right up my alley. My big ego used to be my best friend. It made me good money and had me pretty successful. The problem was I was doing all that for vanity… ya know nice car and a new clothes etc. etc. Now that I’m trying to do work that is more meaningful to me it has been a big learning curve. I charge into new endeavors like a bull in a china shop thinking that I have all the answers because I have been successful before. I’ve stepped on a lot of toes telling people they are doing things wrong. Thank god they are more tolerant and patient than I am. It has been humbling. Now that I work with people that are truly altruistic I’ve learned that they look at life a lot differently than I do.
Hi Richard. YES, there are an infinite number of ways to look at life. When we look at life from the truth, we no longer buy into dreams over reality. The only time we are truly happy is when we are real, and that’s not an ego-centric point of view, it’s a humble one (always wanting to learn more). blessings
Hi Rob,
This past year life enrolled me in a doctorate level course in Acceptance and Forgiveness. I wanted to get to the level of acceptance and forgiveness where I could acknowledge the humanness of a person who had been extremely rude, manipulative and hurtful to myself and others (I wrote about it on my blog). I wanted to acknowledge her humanness by saying hello when I walked by her instead of ignoring her like we had been doing. About two months ago, I was able to work through my pride, who was right and all of that other stuff aside and say hello to her like I would to anyone whose path I crossed. This was a freeing moment for me.
Hi Lisa. ‘For-giveness’ …. that’s huge. To ‘For-give’ is to GIVE up our resentful point of view FOR something that is gentle and new (no matter what the offense may be). Jesus was expert at this one, “Forgive them father for they know not what they do.” Phew!!! Imagine being crucified and saying that. blessings
I was always more concerned with being right than winning. I had confused them. I thought winning was being right and being right meant I was winning….but it didn’t feel that way. So I tried harder and did it more…and felt worse; people didn’t like me, help me or support me. I felt sabotaged. I had been taught that what is noble is worth suffering for…so I suffered and kept on. It got worse. My need for “rightness” was adversarial-making them wrong, creating competitors instead of advocates,isolating me when I wanted acceptance(we all do)… of course no one wants to be wrong to please me.
My mistake came because my rightness(ego) wouldn’t let me realize that the problem was in the concept-” Winning is being right” and not an issue of implementation. I was very right,(which has become quite subjective) and yet I felt no contentment, certainly I didn’t feel like a winner.
I have a situation in play right now where I have stopped myself from doing “what I always do” and am asking myself. “What would winning really be here?” I will be much more likely to have a great conclusion when I know what a win really is. It is certainly not just being right… in fact it may look like giving in.
One thing I learned when I was willing to look past “being right” is that if I offer people a solution that honors them and allows my win I am more likely to get it. Here is an example…I have tenants and one of them, who was sharing an apt, moved out because of “personality conflicts”. Instead of telling her the rules, I respected that she needed to be happy and comfortable in her home and outlined a plan to replace her. I did not take away her responsibility to the rent, I just focused on her needs. It was 6 months and the remaining tenant did not refil the spot. I approached her, knowing she wanted to be honorable, she paid all the back rent for the time she was not even living there. She did it to keep her honor which was important to her, not to fill her obligation to me..which was not. How is that subjugating my ego…I needed to learn to look at her, her needs, and what was important to her to create my “win”. Interestingly, right had little to do with it.
I exeperience the “committee in my head” when I am trying to make a choice and different parts of me suggest different actions. This is happening now. A tenant rented an apt. She then decided she prefered another apt in the building that is also empty. She approached me asking for the other apt and “insulting” me by saying how she paid too much rent and making claims of defects in the place she had chosen. She was pushing since her furniture was due to arrive. I was not clear on what was best for me or that giving her what she demanded would set a good precedent. I said no and she pushed me to explain. It was the holiday weekend and I found I was resenting having to do this then. I told her I would address it when I return to work today. I have not limited my options but allowed myself to find what is really the win for me and to set the stage for that to happen. I see in this example I give it may be some ego. There was conflict. If I can’t be sure I have put the ego in place I can at least wait on the decision. I would appreciate your take on this…
Hi sylvia. When we walk into a situation consciously, we can walk out of it unharmed. Everything seems to go right when we realize that we are not the surface personality that we have designed ourselves to be. We even get rent money that seemed like a long shot. You have come a long way, sylvia. You are now able to see through yourself when you are pretending to be humble but are secretly being arrogant. New riches come the moment you suspect that there is a better way to handle things than you have been doing … which is what you are now doing. Expect great gains internally and materially. blessing, sylvia … and thank you
Rob,
This was inspirational for me. When I read this, before even seeing your questions below it reminded me of our first conversation over the phone. You made some very quick and accurate assessments of me after speaking to me for only minutes. Initially I didn’t like what you said. But after hearing you speak for the duration of our phone call, I could tell you were a different type of person than I had ever known. So, I allowed my guard to drop some. After getting off the call, I allowed myself to face the assessments you mentioned and ask if they are accurate. While my mind opened some, I still didn’t like the idea. It was uncomfortable to look at myself with such an eye – an honest eye because I hadn’t done a whole lot of that in past.
After our conversations continued, I started to realize how very little I know and how much more living I have to do – so I can’t possibly have it all figured out as I had once thought. This made me not only a more humble person, but brought me down to the reality of allowing someone else give me advice – which is something I had always stayed clear of prior. I thought I knew it all already – why would I let someone else who doesn’t know as much as I tell me what to do or advise me according to what they believe.
I remember I had really big personal breakthrough during your webinar series. Speaking in front of people (albeit online) about my personal life was a bit tricky and uncomfortable. But I did it, and never felt so good. That’s a lasting experience for me.
When it comes to those thought voices – I think a great question for me is: when don’t you have a dozen voices in your head giving you different opinions? This is a challenging one. I feel like I have so much to accomplish – and my days aren’t expanding – so I have to get moving. Often times I move so quickly that I tend to allow the voices to direct me in 20 different ways. What a nutcase that makes me!!
Rob – through these posts – I’m able to think so much about things. I’m able to slow myself down and really dig to find what the message is saying to me. I take these personally…thank you Rob!
Blessings
Hi Jk. I thought I left a response to your response. It’s not hear. This is an old blog. I want to leave you with this: True guidance comes to those of us who realize that we have lost confidence in our usual mental map. Now we are open to hear the truth – THAT IS SOOOO ‘YOU’. Thank you
[...] I always thought if I had the opportunity to learn from a multi-millionaire, I would ask them all the questions in the world about making my bank account look like theirs. But what I’ve learned from Rob White is that financial prosperity is an effect, not a destination. It’s an effect of living the truth. [...]