June 24th, 2011 by rob white
I am older than a lot of you. I have accomplished a lot of things that a lot of you dream to do. I am not bragging, I’m stating facts. Notice any tension that may arise within you because of what I’ve just said.
Are you able to listen without listening? Are you able to listen to what I share without listening to your inward self talk of assessments and judgments about what I say?
Can you accept the wisdom that I share without using your mind to add your own explanations? When someone listens, and then adds his own thoughts and opinions, he’s not listening. If you hesitate to empty your mind of its chattering opinion, you’re being stubborn right now.
Years ago, I met W. Clemente Stone (one of America’s self-made billionaires). I had lunch with him and ten other people. He offered me fabulous advice on how to succeed in life. I was so busy listening to my judgment of what he was saying, what he was wearing, and what he was eating, that I was not listening to him at all. How insane is that?
A while back, I decided to become a restaurateur. It just struck my fancy. I liked restaurants. I liked eating in them. Why not open some? I began inquiring into what it takes to succeed in the restaurant business. I made it a point to meet successful restaurant owners and ask them questions. I listened to their answers without listening (I did not judge how they looked, or what mood they were in, or where I might disagree with their theories). I just listened.
When I listened without listening, I dropped my muddle-headedness. Without muddle- headedness I was able to capture the pearls of wisdom they offered. Sometimes their advice didn’t seem logical but I didn’t care because I listening for winning (I was listening for logic).
If I wanted to be clear cut about opening a restaurant, hiring a staff, serving good food, and offering a great environment, then I had to listen for how to get from A to B to C to D without listening for my own of preconceived point of view to intercede.
Success is a mystery, not pure logic. There is an intuitive side to being successful at something new. Otherwise how does someone manage to do what is deemed impossible (like invent the telephone – Alexander Graham Bell; invent a heavier-air-flying machine – Wright brothers; run a mile in under four minutes – Roger Bannister; get a college degree even though she was deaf and blind –Helen Keller).
Listen to this without listening:
- When something went wrong with my first restaurant endeavor, I knew I’d been jolted out of harmony with my aspiration and aim. This above all is true. Forget the logic of what went wrong out there in the world. Accepting that I am out of harmony allowed me to find answers that I’d never have found.
- I let my failures jolt me awake to my chorus of ‘NO’s’ that chant deep in my subconscious. This jolt would destroy the illusion I held that I was inadequate to be successful in the restaurant business. Until I destroyed the illusion of inadequacy (even though there was good logic behind it), I could not progress effectively.
- I had to a
ccept that creating a new version of myself was untasty to my old way of thinking, and yet it became delicious when I accepted my new way of being (a person who could indeed succeed in the restaurant business). YES, I found the enemy, and it was the old me!
I owned several very successful restaurants, years ago. It was a ball. I made a lot of money. I had a lot of fun. I learned to listen without listening. And then I decided to move on, so I sold them.
When you listen without listening – ordinary thinking comes to an end and extraordinary thinking will begin.
Well, there you go. Responses from the conditioned mind will always be wrong when you are learning something new. How can you apply this to YOU?
Please share and help the readers better understand what I am sharing. We always work better as a team.
Thanks & blessings, rob
“Best Comment of the Week”. This weeks best comment comes from Andrew Olson of Growthable . The runner up is Irving, The Vizier from the Han of Harmony . See their comments here. Honorable mention to Tinu for sharing her heart with us all. Thank you Tinu!
I am honored that the always elegant Sibyl Chavis included me among one of the “Best Minds of the Blogosphere.” Be sure to check out her revamped site here.
Illustrations by nick
It’s a strange thing that we care so much about what others think of us, when we really only want to interject our own thoughts and ideas into the conversation. You highlight an interesting glitch in a humans quest for knowledge.
I’ve been trying to curb this thought process for years, but it still creeps up. It’s hard to listen without listening because you want to engage in the conversation to also offer something valuable.
Thats why I enjoy talking with old timers. Err… rather listening to them. They offer nuggets of life wisdom without needing your input.
By Jove, you got it, David. Your comment clearly shows that you are aware of one potential problem with the human personality – we are so busy listening to our own self-talk (opinions and judgments) that we can barely hear what others are saying. The more we learn how to be ‘just a listener’ (not someone that’s half listening because he is too busy listening to himself), the quicker we can absorb lessons that help us rise to super-growth (that level of growing that we dream of experiencing). thank you.
I try and be very mindful about not giving my two sense. Sometimes you just have to present, it gives comfort to the speaker. We learn who needs our input and who doesn’t very quickly. I like the example of when you meet a group of people for the first time you are so concerned with how you are going to introduce yourself that you don’t even hear what their names are. We are so consumed with ourselves and how we are presented that we are “listening” but not. It’s a great point you bring up with a lot of different angles.
Hi Meg. I like what you say about ‘listening without listening’ occurs when we are consumed with ourselves. PRECISELY! When the ego gets involved, you can be sure it will shout its opinions to you louder than the person you are listening to. Invisible powers are within you – gain control! blessings
Great article, Rob. My brain has a terrible time listening to things it is not personally interested in. I literally have a hard time understanding what people are saying if it’s not on a topic I’m into, in fact – it sounds like the wah-wah-wah of the adults in a Charlie Brown cartoon to me.
I have to leave the closed-captioning active on the TV so I can follow the plots of shows and movies, because otherwise I get distracted just watching people’s faces and their mouths moving, and forget to hear what they’re saying.
I don’t know that this is a character flaw so much as a brain-wiring thing, but I’m not one to let myself be defined by my weaknesses – they are always worth working on. I think that’s what we’re here for in the first place.
Listening is an important skill, because it makes the other person feel important – and nothing will make you more popular than that! Even if no one wants to listen, they want to be listened TO! So do unto others, as usual.
Hi Anna. You offer wonderful insights into the nature of being human and listening. Unfortunately most people love to talk and few love to really listen. this is why ‘good listeners’ are rare treasures. Hone your ‘listening without listening skills’, and popularity will come! thank you
That’s clever. I like that. I can see how I listen without listening. that’s because, as my grandmother would say, I am too smart for my own britches. I am a know-it-all, so I am always listening to myself first, and what I plan to say next. When I listen to you, I am listening for you to shutup, so I can have my say.
Hi Alan. Your grandmother offered wise advice. She noticed how you half- listened to her advice, and so she concluded that you were ‘too smart for your own britches’. Could you here her when she said that, or is it hindsight that gave you perfect hearing? blessings
Ha ha. Wow. I would swear you are writing that directly to me. I do that all the time. It gets me in so much trouble at work. I get so worried about saying the right thing that I don’t really listen to what I’m being told to do. I can’t tell you how many times I have walked away from a conversation with my boss and have NO IDEA what to do next. I sit there and nod enthusiastically but the whole time I’m thinking about looking or sounding like an attentive employee instead of actually being one. I think you got the idea for this blog from me!
Hi Kara. I got this idea from me … and all minds mingle … so perhaps I got the idea from you and thought it was from me? I am glad you are able to identify with the problem. Awareness is key to breaking free. blessing
Great post. It’s so true. It’s the number one thing I need to work on. I feel like I have judgement to people’s thoughts and actions because it’s a projection of “protecting” myself from their thoughts. But most people don’t even mind what I’m doing! But when I speak to people, it really is important to press the ‘off’ switch in being in our own minds and giving full attention by really hearing what the other person is saying.
Turn off opinions/judgement and you’re finally ready to listen. Great lesson.
Hi Matt. Live from really listening, not from listening to inward self-talk that echoes what you presuppose is true …. AH, that’s the essence of learning quickly.
I like you style of explaining yourself. thank you.
Hi Rob, may I say another insightful blog.
I did notice the tension at the start…? Intuition is a great tool if we know how to listen to our “inner voice”, a hard thing to master(negative), an easy thing to master(positive). It is true that when something doesn’t make ‘sense’ or ‘not logical’ we close ourselves to whatever is been said, from the thoughts we’ve got stored in our minds. But how then do we learn new things? By removing pre-conceived ideas of what we.know nothing about.
Oh dear ! , have I just done as you said?. “Can you accept the wisdom that I share without using your mind to add your own explanations? When someone listens, and then adds his own thoughts and opinions, he’s not listening. “, I didn’t listen? I guess I learn from re-wording so I understand, that is being stubborn… something for me to ponder/reflect on.
Wish you continued strength Rob. Thank you !
Hi Tinu. you’re funny. Thank you for making me smile. You have re-spoken well, what I am trying to say in this blog. Thank you. It is necessary to lose confidence in the ‘know-it-all’ inward self-talk that never stops chattering, in order to listen with confidence to what others are saying. We need not hide anything from truth; need we, Tinu? blessings
Have to share this article. Very wise words indeed. The mind can be stubborn but we all have the power to unprogram it.
Hi Kenya. The mind loves to think in circles. It loves to circle around and validate it’s preconceived notions about everything. YES, the mind can be stubborn, and even ornery about opening up to new information. Thank you.
Hi Rob!
Hmmm…this is an ongoing process for me – I have often found myself in my own head when I would much rather be listening intently. I think that’s one of the reasons blogs and blogging appeal to me so much. I get to take the time and really focus on what everyone’s saying in their articles, and even if my distraction tries to take over, I can keep putting it back in check.
Like Kara, I had mastered the “listening intently” look, while often drifting off and not really taking in what was being said to me.
I’ve been a lot more conscious of listening lately and checking myself when I start making mental judgments while someone is talking. And I have to say it’s a lot more satisfying than listening to myself jump in with responses before the time is right.
Thanks for a great reminder of the importance of really focusing on what’s being said in conversation, rather than trying to control it.
Hi tisha. That is a great strategy that you point out – how we can pretend to be listening intently while our mind is really drifting a million miles away. Seeing ‘sloppy listening’ in the right way is to see it has no power in your life. You radiate power with your presence … it shows in your comment. blessings
Hi Rob…active listening I call this. It’s also something I struggle with, especially at the times when I need to shut my mouth and slap down my ego the most, but we live and we learn right, lol. Sometimes when people alot wiser and more experienced than us give us insight or advice, solicited or otherwise, it can seam like a criticism as its exposes all the gapping holes in our plans or thinking, but sometimes the wisdom that we need most in life needs to be ingested with humility and where possible a spoonful of sugar. Glad to make your wise acquaintance
Hi stacey. I like your style. You write in a genuine, down-to-earth manner. Your comment will definitely help others understand better what we are looking at here. Might I add: no one grows until he listens to a voice higher than his ego …. that voice from deep within that says, “shut up and listen for your own sake.” sometimes folks don’t listen to that voice until they finally feel the need to listen to others who are offering great tips. thank you.
Hi Rob,
Listening without listening is truly not easy. Our thoughts and ego always stand in the way of detachment and as a result, whatever we hear gets filtered. When it comes to seeking advice and help, it is counter-productive if we think we know it all or know it better. Instead of harvesting the pearls of wisdom that people generously share, we will be too busy finding flaws in their ideas.
The great thing about life, depending on how you choose to look at it, is that it is always honest. If we are doing something wrong, the simple fact is we cannot succeed. But failure is a necessary part of success. It alerts us to the fact that something is wrong with our approach. The only thing we can do, the only thing we should do, is to take heed and adjust our actions until we are in harmony with what it takes to succeed.
Listening without listening is an important life skill to have. If we cannot listen to the honest feedback from people and life, we will not be able to attain our goals and succeed.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article!
Irving the Vizier
Hi Irvin. It’s nice to hear from you. You are an intelligent minded individual. It shows. Confusion enters and operates through a mind that is already listening to old answers when seeking new ones. It is a gift to learn to listen to someone else without allowing our standard inward self-talk to interrupt. I can see that you get that. thank you
Thanks for sharing this Rob. It’s good to know we all can get caught in that. But it’s even better to know it’s not hopeless for me! I am guilty of doing this. I remember when I was starting out as a young know-it-all and an older guy on my crew told me to start saving some money. I dismissed him because I thought that since things were good now they would only get better. Needless to say the rug got pulled out from under me when the work dried up. That was an easy one to learn, I’m a good saver now. I can be a bit of an old codger in my business now. I don’t take advice from others well because I’ve been doing it for so long. I have to rethink this attitude though. I have to realize I don’t know when I might miss a golden tip.
Hi Roger. When we no longer take advice from others because we’ve been doing something one way for so long – an invisible force called closed-minded takes over (and all future growth and development ceases). That’s a big one. blessings.
Hi Rob,
I stumbled upon this post and was quite glad that I did! Great write, and discussion!
I appreciate your touching upon the challenging aspect of facing off with our ‘old self’, as making conscious choices which could threaten ego is never easy, though well worthwhile. To expansion, growth and a higher good..
Thanks for the Lovely, thoughtful share!
Hi Antonia. you are familiar with the ‘old self’? YES, that ‘self’ can be quite stubborn. An ‘old-self’ possessed individual will angrily deny anything new that may offer change. The ‘old-self’ anxiously fears being expelled from an awakening human being. Hope to hear from you again. Thank you
This is very profound, Rob. People tell me I’m a good listener. I don’t think I’ve really thought about what that means. Now I see exactly what people are talking about. I just let people say what they feel and don’t judge or offer advice. I must have got that from my mother. She was full of love and very accepting. I think if you allow others to express themselves sincerely they will come to their own conclusions. Ultimately it has to be up to the person to want to change. Good listening means people can arrive at their own conclusion that works best for them… I don’t want the responsibility for someone’s life anyway!
Hi Carol Anne. ‘Good listeners’ do want to arrive at their own conclusions, BUT, also they want to listen good enough to hear all the facts so they are accurate with the conclusion they come to. Listening while listening arrives at conclusions before the other person has even finished speaking. blessings
Fantastic insight Rob (as usual). I’m not proud of this, but I realized a while back that I was often only half listening to people, because I was too busy planning on what I was going to say next. I interpreted this as a kind of arrogance – I judged my own contribution to the conversation as more valuable than what the other person was saying. That wasn’t entirely true though. I was actually a kind of insecurity – I wanted so badly to make a good impression, that I focused all of my attention on my contribution, and forgot to honor theirs. That analysis made me stop. Now, I keep that part of myself in check by focusing on the connection I feel with each person I meet. I allow myself to just be present, to feel my way through it and authentically listen for any nuggets that person may have for me (because every conversation contains some). And I find that even though my focus isn’t on my own contribution anymore, as long as I stay present, it happens automatically. I look for my gifts and they can look for theirs (that’s not really my responsibility).
And since I’ve done that, I have the most interesting and deep conversations, even with people I’ve just met. I love it.
Thanks for the great insights.
Hugs,
Melody
Hi melody. I so wanted others to like me (in the past), that I couldn’t listen to them. I was far too busy trying to come up with a clever statement to make when they finally shut up! How bad is that? Everyone loves a good listener – one who listens to what is being said on the outside without listening to the chatter going on inside his/her head. It’s rare. It’s a gift! Good listeners are called good conversationalists. Interesting! Thank you for your sincerity. blessings
Hey Rob, right on brother-man. When we listen with a quiet the mind the whole world is a symphony. I make it a habit to check in with my head at least twice a day and listen to what is going on. I can be in traffic and just listen to the hum-drum woosh and honks. It’s great because I can see how my own mind gets carried away and wrapped up in the pace of the outside world. For the most part I’m good at listening to others. I always try to be compassionate and never dismiss or ignore people. Even a homeless guy on the street has a deep lesson to teach me if I’m truly listening.
Hi Rus. I love what you said. Listening with a quiet mind is indeed beautiful symphony. Remember: working on having a quiet mind is the same as working on being a good listener. Thank you
Hi Rob,
I’ve read many blog posts about listening – we even had a Guest Post on it, one of our more popular posts, but I’ve never heard it explained in this way before. I don’t think I really listen very much of the time based on this definition of listening. Maybe I listen in retrospect, maybe I hear the words echoing in my head after my own chatter has become silent. But listening without judging, weighing, filtering through my own understanding of what’s being said? LOL I doubt I do it very much at all!
I read a book years ago called The Lost Gift of Listening. Why is it lost? Do I not listen because I am not heard enough? Is it my inner child who still wants a voice? Or it this a product of a too-fast-moving generation where we don’t sit on the porch in the evening just talking about our day, but have to talk during the commercials? Is it our culture’s loss of community that creates more people who need to be heard and less people to listen. In other generations, grandparents would listen. Where are the grandparents now?
If awareness of what’s wrong is the first step to making it right, this article is a gift. Thanks for that Rob!
Lori
Hi Lori. You express a lot of wisdom with this comment. The powers that build good character are found in listening to others without listening to the howling inward self-talk that wants its way. You are a woman of good character. When you lose the haunted house of howls in your mind, you find to door open to psychic sunshine! blessings, blessings
Hmmm, “success is a mystery not pure logic”. That makes total sense to me now. Our big brains and all the thinking we do just gets us into trouble. I think the best artists are always those that are too “dumb” to realize that what they are doing is impossible! I imagine they just soak in the world and express it in a way that just feels right for them. That’s how I want to go about my music now. I want to stop thinking about the proper way and the current trends and just write it right (what feels good to me).
hi john. you caught onto another lesson in this blog. When we are already listening to our logic (which come from our rational mind), we close off to the magic of mystery. Einstein was a great scientist because he refused to listen to ‘scientific logic’ that stopped him from having incredible breakthroughs in the world of science. Thank you, John.
I am always listening to whatever you say Rob
You are so right that you have to be open to the messages and lessons that come your way. You can’t get all caught up in your mind and distractions and miss out of the value that is being offered to you. Great lesson … I will take it 
Hi Sibyl. YES, getting caught up in the distractions of the mind has us tremble in the face of new knowledge that could actually change our lives. I like you, Sibyl. There is a gentleness that you offer the world. We need more of that in these trying times. Thank you
Great article, Rob. Learning how to listen and take the advice from older, wiser people is a sure fire way to get ahead in life. I think it is lost on today’s youth (but that has probably been said by every generation). I can attest that when I was a Law intern I was like a sponge just soaking everything up. I remember some other classmates who were quite arrogant and grumbling that they were not getting paid! That was crazy to me. It didn’t make any sense. I felt like I was getting rich in knowledge and still feel indebted. The big difference was that the partners in the firm knew I was paying attention and kept inviting me back. Soon enough I was working for them. I’m not sure what happened to those other guys… I suspect they went to work for their fathers or some such thing.
Hi Georgie. I love your example of ‘soaking in the information’ when a law intern. Imagine having a thirsty mind like that all of the time. what would that be like. thank you. blessings
Hi Rob,
I must say you are very lucky to be able to know and sit with millionaires and billionaires.
I always loved to sit with such people to “feel” their energy, how they act and learn about their mentality. In regards to listening, this is a hard skill my friend, but it is achieveable. One of the best ways to be truly listening is to live in the present and really fully absorb what is someone trying to say and leave our opinions and thoughts out of the process. As the proverb says, “Speech is silver, silence is gold.” Thanks for sharing Rob, great article as always 
Hi Dia. thank you for the proverb. It says what we are saying simply. When an inward thought-voice starts chattering, it can talk us right off the edge of a cliff, in spite of the fact that there is a valley full of flowers right around the corner. I like you insights. blessings
Im too confused to comment…
Hi jonathan. I love confusion. It means I am about to learn something. Learning stops when we are already listening to self-talk that insists it knows it all. blessings my friend.
Hi Rob, I have to admit this article rubbed me the wrong way at first. I came up with a bunch of excuses as to why you are successful and I’m not. I want to say it is just luck, but I think that is a way to give me excuses. My problem is, I don’t really know what I’m not listening to. Not everybody has good advice. And everybody has an opinion about what I should do. I think if I learn how to just listen without judgment the good stuff will sink in and the bad will go away. For me I either dismiss everything outright or I get too excited and take the wrong advice from some jerk that doesn’t know what he is talking about to begin with.
Hi Alan. Indeed, not everyone has good advice. The trick is to stop listening to inward self-talk long enough to discern the difference. blessings
Hi Rob, One thing that has always stuck with me was from Herman Hesse’s book Siddhartha. It always seemed to me his greatest transformation came when he decided to live by the river and simply listen. I had never forgot that. Over the years I’ve learned the power of simply listening and absorbing. When I was young I was eager to throw my 2cents into the conversation to show everybody how smart I am. What I realized is that if I’m habitually just saying something for the sake of it, people stop listening to me. Now, when I do finally chime in people shut up and listen.
Hi Salty. ‘Sitting by the river and just listening’. Now that is a great practice that many masters have taught. Inward self-talk separates a person from himself. Just listening brings all parts of oneself together. That’s power! blessings
Extremely insightful post, Rob. I think one of the key issues here is that human brains have a very hard time processing new information. There are studies that have shown, I think, up to 98% of our thoughts are repetitive. And that makes sense, our brains are a bunch of neural connections that we keep strengthening day after day. So, when you hear groundbreaking new information, your brain doesn’t have a direct (easy) connection to that information. If someone asks you to repeat back what you just learned, there’s a good chance you will repeat back what you already knew, filtering out the new information.
Actually, I just did that myself, didn’t I?
Hi Andrew. I love your intelligence. It shows in your comment. I believe the brain is simply the physical mechanism of the mind. Therefore, when a mind is set correct, the brain has no problem working correctly. That is simply my belief. blessings
Listening indeed is an important skill to develop if one is to build healthy relationships and create success in life. Problems arise when we hear but not listen. They also arise when we listen but not have presence.
As you have correctly pointed out, we can learn to listen without listening to our inner-talk and preconceived judgments. We need to practice open heart-to-heart listening. If more of us can do this, conflicts will reduce. Drastically.
Hi Evelyn. You are a ‘heart to heart’ kind of person, and that’s why you can relate to listening at a deeper level than just hearing. Higher level thinking is available to anyone who goes to their heart when relating to others. Thank you.
That’s a real skill Rob to die for. My mind starts whirring with answers, solutions, and questions as soon as someone gets speaking to me. It’s an inbuilt computer switch that is fixed in the ‘on’ mode. Guess it’s a survival instinct but the revival one is when we quell the head and listen instead. I’m gonna try I really am because beyond the inner chatter is the real wisdom and insight waiting to flood out. Beyond the noise is the truth in silent permanence. The hush!
Hi John. A mind whirring with answers is a dangerous mind indeed. it is a closed mind that refuses to listen to anything new. It pounces on us when we decide to explore beyond what it offers. Thank you for noticing that. blessings
I don’t know why you are so focused on material stuff. I’m a great listener but don’t need “things” to prove it. Learning how to listen means we become more compassionate and connected with everyone and the universe at large… I think that in itself is the ultimate reward. I get what you mean by listening without listening but connecting that with acquiring material goods just doesn’t mesh with my personal philosophy. Maybe I’m missing something.
Hi Alicia. you are not missing something. You rely on your insight (which is a state of no-thought) to help you understand. This can cause confusion when the world will insist something else is true. Stick with your insight. You are not missing anything. My material references are to help folks understand the power of the mind. We create our reality. I believe that is all there is to it. blessings.
OH SNAP! This one is a bit whacked ROBBY!!! I think it’s like when chicks just want to feel like somebody is listening to them. They are always like “ohhh marc, your such good listener blah blah blah” when the truth is I’m just telling them what they told me. Most of the time I have no idea or memory of what they were yammering about… but its a MOST way to hook-up! BUT when I have a serious GF and I try to pull that they eventually catch on and are like “wah wah wah your not really listening to me!!!!.” That’s why I like to roll solo. I don’t want anybody cramping my MAGIC WAYS BABY!! HAHAHAHHA!!!!
Hi Magic. We all begin to awaken to what listening is really about, when we refuse to continue to use it for our ego. Now, with you, I am never sure what you’re up to. I do know that I listen to you, knowing you have your own very unique point of view. blessings
I first read this when I was in a bad mood and you made me Angrier Ramone! Haha… one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from you is seeing that when someone makes me angry it is because it shows me something I don’t want to look at. And, I have to admit I am angry because I simply haven’t achieved a lot in my life. I’ve debating all week whether I should write that here but I think it is good therapy. I’m sure I’ve been a bad listener all my life because most advice goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t even want to hear job-searching advice because I convinced myself I know how to get a job… but I still don’t have one. Maybe thats a good place to start?
Hi Ramone. YES, we hate to listen when someone points something out that we don’t want to look at. That ‘angry feeling’, right there, is signaling you that perhaps there is something valuable to learn. Thank you for your honesty. blessings
Hi Rob, I’ve never heard it put like this before, but now that you say it I see the only reason I ever experienced success was because I was young and naive and just listened to advice from people I respected. I was so clueless I didn’t have enough brains intact to know there could be any other way. Luckily those early mentors knew what they were talking about. It’s only when I I think I know everything do I come up empty. My problem lately is that I let my past successes go to my head and insist I know the secret to success. I’ve got to learn how to listen without listening once again!
Hi Richard. Nice catch – children do listen without listening. That is how they learn so much so quickly. As adults, we become NO-it-alls, and say NO to anything spoken that is new. We forget how to listen without listening to an internal voice that says “NO.” blessings
Hello Rob,
This is a struggle for me. I can’t speak for others, but I think acquiring this type of skill would change so much for me. I read a lot. I used to never read unless I had to (for school or work). The reason for it was because I could never retain anything. It was frustrating. It’s not that I couldn’t read – I could, but when I read, it just seemed like my mind wanted to think of everything else in the world. It would start with wondering on about what I was reading and lead to a new topic all together. I’d reading for pages and realize that I wasn’t even paying attention the word – I was just going through the motions. Went I got in college, this was incredible difficult and I found a way to help combat me doing this with reading 3 times slower.
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I find myself doing this in board meetings, sometimes on the phone (depending on the conversation topic and who I’m speaking with), even at home sometimes. It’s like I have this mental chatter constantly telling me things, analyzing “stuff” and just getting in my way.
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From this read, I take it that all this chatter must be telling me something. I ignored it previously. Maybe I should listen to IT for once to see what the heck is being said – and then maybe, just maybe I can then move on from this crazy thing. I thought I was the only one. I actually never put thought to this rob and I’m fascinated to have learned this from you.
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You know how I tell you I often read your blog post 2-3 times…well, it’s because the more times I read, the better I can listen.
Thank you so much for this one Rob.
Blessings to you
Hi Jk. When I first spoke with you on the phone, a while back, I could hear you not listening. What I mean is that I felt that you were politely listening, but you had a mind that was teeming with your own ideas and opinions (and there wasn’t much room for anything new).
Have you ever sensed this phenomenon when speaking with someone? It’s especially true of teenagers who begin believing they have all the answers, and elders aren’t cool. Notice your own kids listening habits change as they grow, Jk.
Student: is it possible to escape being a ‘know it all?” Teacher: Yes. Student: How? Teacher: Give up believing that you are a ‘self’ that is separate from everyone else – consider yourself a part of one magnificent WHOLE. Student: What will that do? Teacher: In this merger with all of humanity, there will be total union of thoughts (your thoughts and the thoughts of those that you have conversations with). With union there can be no battling opposites. Insight into oneness is everything! It’s what allows the great masters like Jesus and Buddha to remain absolutely open to the infinite intelligence that flows from the mouths of even babes. COULD YOU HEAR THE LESSON IN THIS STUDENT/TEACHER INTERPLAY, Jk?
Thank you for your incredible offering in this blog, Jk. You always give your heart and soul. blessings