February 1st, 2011 by rob white
The conditioned mind that asks a question about something contrasting its beliefs, CANNOT answer the question. Do you know why?
Let’s begin by taking a look at the word CAN … CAN implies that you are able to do something.
Now, lets look at the word CANNOT … CANNOT is actually two words combined: CAN-NOT, which implies that you are able to NOT do it.
The mind is truly genius with its reasoning; when it asks a question with a CANNOT attitude, it simply knows it is able to NOT find an answerr. This is how confident the mind is that it will come up blank.
Student: What’s the mind’s motivation for coming up blank when it asks a question?
Teacher: It would rather protect your precious old beliefs than support you with fresh and new answers.
As you continue to read this blog, please keep the above lesson in mind.
It’s time to apply the above realization of CAN and CANNOT to the 60,000 NO’s that you received from age 2 to 6. The mind will ask, “How do I rid past echoes of NO so that I’m regnant and free to create new activity?” The mind is asking with no intention of finding a true answer. It believes the NO’s are too powerful to overcome. It has been conditioned to believe this!
I notice a lot of folks will turn to motivational speeches and self-help books for answers, but won’t turn to the NO’s and look directly at the power they have in their lives. The mind prefers it this way; because it CANNOT help when asked to help. So, what will the mind suggest? “Let’s pretend shouting YES over the NO’s will do the trick”, exclaims the mind! It won’t work. 
Student: What works?
Teacher: Real Thinking works.
Here is an example of Real Thinking: the echo of NO is only a consciousness; it can be overcome. It is possible to eliminate years of accumulated NO’s. You do it by learning how to effectively R.O.A.R. (key word here: effectively). Don’t assume you remember how to R.O.A.R. (yes, you did it as a child, but you got amnesia to ROAR-ing after 60,000 NO’s)
Be willing to admit that your life isn’t working as well as you’d like; be willing to say to yourself, “I want to re-learn how to R.O.A.R. once again.”
A full conviction to ridding your mind of NO-thoughts begins with accepting that NO has a powerful influence on you. Where in your life, is there an experience of lacking? Right there sits a NO in your mind. Are you willing to share this with the rest of us … where is there a NO sitting firmly in your mind (stopping you from experiencing YES in your life)?
The key to prosperity is the ‘spirit of willingness’. Willingness most often begins with accepting truths that bother us. Yet, the surest way to a healthy NO-free mind is seeking the truth and accepting it. To penetrate life-enhancing-truths, almost always begins with accepting that you are stuck with a growth-hampering attitude in some domain of your life (perhaps not all domains … but some).
Choosing to grow requires accepting a paradox: Growth is ‘NO shouts’ in reverse, but you don’t get there by just shouting YES … a ‘YES-shout’ has no clout. Wow, did you hear that?
‘YES-shouts’ have no clout.
Here is another paradox: Growth isn’t adding something on … it is undoing the limitations that NO impose on you. With the undoing of NO, you automatically grow. Wow, did you hear that?
With the undoing of NO, you automatically grow!
Freedom to do or not do to comes with freedom from NO.
When NO is zero … YES is all … but beware: YES is revelation (it’s a deep feeling of super-sufficiency); it’s not a three letter word.
Your greatest realizations come when you remove ignorance of the fact that you are an unlimited being. You cannot remove ignorance of this fact until you remove the NO’s.
I have been speaking about echoes of NO for a few blogs now. Why? Because so many folks insist they understand … when the truth is – they don’t. If they did, their world would show up very differently for them (and really … that’s not happening for soooo many folks, perhaps you’re one of them?).
The right path shows itself by providing glimpses of the truth – that is what I’m offering. Don’t slay the messenger; rejoice with me … and … the truth shall set you free! Be patient; I will show you the true way of ROAR-ing your way to self-liberty (liberated of NO). Little orange book – coming soon!
Blessings
“Best Comment of the Week”. This weeks best comment comes from Jk Allen from The Hustler’s Notebook. The runner up is Kara. See their comments here.
I THINK THIS BLOG HAS TO BE READ SEVERAL TIMES. I don’t think I can read this blog just once to really absorb it. You write at a much deeper level of understanding than most blogs I read. My NO’s tell me to rush through your teachings so I get very little from them. This blog is a wake-up call for me. I am stubborn to let go of NO’s. I think I already know how to let go, and I don’t. This is what you are saying, and it angers me that you point at this so frequently, but you are YES-right. I can be a NO-it-all!
Wonderful metaphor, Don … being a ‘No-it-all’; that’s what we do when we think we have all the answers = we say ‘NO’ to great new truths trying to reveal themselves. Understanding my blogs requires reading them more than once; it took me years to learn this stuff (why would one reading be enough?). I read some of Emerson’s essays 50 times!
Where in your life, is there an experience of lacking? Right there sits a NO in your mind.
Thank you. I appreciate this kind of specific information that I can use to beneficially trace back to a no that is blocking me. Since the no’s are often burried deep I need a thread or bread crumb trail to find my way back to them. Places of challenge can provide that clue…relationships, fears, self-doubt, and disappointments…they didn’t come from a single no but a whole series of them. I can however look at the issues and trace back to events; being called a show off because I wanted to be in all the family photos when I was 4, and remembering my response to that was to pretend to be shy. I did this by speaking softly so people had to say “what?” (bringing attention) and by pretending a reticence to speaking out loud. When I was asked to have a photo in the newspaper I said no (because I thought that would bring me approval) and I remember how disappointed I was to see another from that event on the cover of the local paper (and I got no positive acknowledgement for declining) Now I am told that I seem agressive, tough, unapproachable. I am angry. That I allowed my natural entheusiasm to be dismissed to anothers ideas of propriety. It was all very confusing. So, there are many no’s and reactions in that one day that have stayed with me for too long a time. I wonder if this exploration will be healing or just painful. It is not a pleasent place to be.
Thank you for your rigorous honesty, Sylvia. You have shared some very intimate lifge-moments in this response; folks can really learn from you. Thank you. It can feel painful as you approach NO’s; they have psychologically kidnapped your soaring spirit (not just you; everyone else’s, too). NO’s are loud to praise when you are following their false order, and quick to condemn when you try to expose them for the frauds that they are. It can be confusing, but as you persist, Sylvia, the confusion will lift. You are truly a courageous soul; thank you for that. blessings
I cannot stop reading your wonderful mastery of words Rob and their deeper meanings – they are extra-ordinary and in-sightful. You’ve broken down the inner workings of what we subtley feed ourselves with our language that diminishes our truer nature. I’m now aware of what I speak that speaks subconciously to me on another level and am going to say ‘Yes’ for my best more often. I CAN believe that!
The humbleness of knowing that NO’s can sneak in when we think we are finally rid of them; that’s true wisdom; now we have greater opportunities to rid our consciousness of them. You are gaining wisdom, John; it’s apparent. Be alert to sneaky thought-voices that want you to think you are done with the NO’s, John. blessings
Rob,
Your writing is very in depth and comprehensive. I agree with Don and say that the material you provide requires complete concentration and possibly continual review to get all of the benefits. This was indeed a true reality check for me.
Many voices have learned to take over our consciousness (most are sneaky NO’s). They insist that self-change is complete for you; you’ve got the answers. Beware; listening to such voices is dangerous! blessing, Frank
Rob,
Awesome, awesome stuff! It’s so fascinating to consider from our early childhood what type of messages get conditioned in out minds. We don’t realize that every self-limitation and personal restriction we place on our potential comes from someone along the way telling “NO.” We certainly are exposed to so many more “no’s” and messages of lack than we are to encouraging messages of unlimited potential. I have learned to be able to apply this to others and will never to the one to say to someone else, “you can’t do that.” And, gradually I am starting to be able to apply this in my own life, which is offering immense inspiration.
I love your word ‘gradually’, Joe. Wiping out NO’s is gradual (it does not happen in an instant). Knowing this allows us to make continual progress (by the way; it also doesn’t take forever to rid ourselves of NO). NO’s convince us that we will not make the same mistake if we listen to them; then the NO slyly leads us into the same mistake. Hmmm. blessings
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Rob, I was raised on a steady diet of No. It’s all to clear to me now. I’m actually amazed that I’ve accomplished anything at all! I think I became rebellious to combat the Nos. I decided I would do anything in my power to prove the naysayers wrong. I’ve not overcome all the Nos yet, but I will go to my grave getting up each time I fall and trying again!
Talk abouta steady diet of junkfood; yes, Angela – a steady diet of NO’s is a steady diet of the worst kind of psychological junk food. No’s trap you into becoming a resigned person, and not even noticing. Thank you
This is a tough one, rob. I’m not sure I totally get it but I do see in my life where my “YES-shouts” got me nowhere. I went through a phase where I thought I new what was best for everyone else because I had read a bunch of self-help books. All the while I was shouting YES at myself believing I had the secret to life. I never had the breakthroughs I planned… I was sure I was going to be a famous musician about 2 years ago – that was my YES shout. Lately I’ve been more in line with Real Thinking. I clearly must have some NO’s that are holding me back. I’m trying to reflect deeply on what those are.
NO’s are clever that way, John … they will convince you that you already have life licked (when clearly you don’t), and then they will convince you that you know what’s best for everyone else! A ‘NO voice’ is cunning and dangerous, but not immutable! blessings
Hi Rob – This was touching. I feel like each week’s lesson brushes me closer in the right direction. One thing that I’m learning in my process of being a “student of life (and a student of you)” is that I have to manage my eagerness. Information comes so rapidly when I want it – but I have to manage my excitement; slow down and really understand what’s in front of me. (I’m thinking out loud).
You asked a question above, followed by a mention:
“Where in your life, is there an experience of lacking? Right there sits a NO in your mind.”
I can see the translation…I’m getting it. I’m slow…but I’m getting it!
I can take a quick look into myself in the area of confidence (when I lack it). I remember in the 2nd grade or so kids would have to go around the room and read a sentence or two and then the next kid would read. I was a horrible reader and felt embarrassed each time I was called upon because of the break in my words (having to sound them out). I would count how many kids were in front of me so I could skip forward to practice on what I would have to read when called upon, with the hope to minimize embarrassment.
I recall one time I was slowly reading a sentence in front of the class (thought I was doing okay) and the teacher said “never mind” and asked another student to finish. WOW! That hit hard. Today I still feel that when speaking publically, which I do often in my professional life. I’ve learned how to overcome the nervousness that creeps within me, but only on a temporary basis – because the next time around – I feel it again! I get positive feedback, but I take it really lightly because I just don’t feel it myself. This is one area that I’m looking forward to eliminating my echoes of no. I’m happy to learn that: “the echo of NO is only a consciousness; it can be overcome”. I’m ready to ROAR all over it – the right way. My way works only temporarily. I have to sike myself up by saying YES each time I go to speak to a small audience. I want the comfort to be within me, to drive me, to not create nervousness and fear. I have to overcome this because it’s in my way.
Thank you Rob for your generous contributions of sharing this knowledge. I’m very grateful.
Great noticement, Jk; NO’s will have you get too excited and rush forward(thinking it’s safe to plow straight ahead). Next thing you know -BANG – you hit a wall. What was that!!! NO’s are fiercly eager to convinceyou that they no longer exist, then thy swoop down on you like vultures when you seem to be soaring! I learn so much from your life lessons, Jk. With patience and peristence you will be able to say,”I never need again obey a ‘No thought-voice’that tries to disarmmy spirit … and you will becomemore and more right about that. Thank you so much for what you offer. blessings
Man, you’ve got a way of driving principles of truth home Rob. The statement that really struck me here was:
Freedom to do or not do to comes with freedom from NO.
It’s funny, but I’ve never really thought about that. In the coming days I’m really going to try and notice how often I’m using this nasty two letter word and truly try to make this shift you speak of.
Thanks for all you do Rob.
No’s will convince you that you are free of them, Marcus, and they they will laugh and leave you with their treachery (disappointment, resignation, fear of failure). Thank you for noticing the line you mention in your comment. blessings.
Me? I’m lacking in the game of Love. In fact there is no game, I’m not even in the stadium. I’ve got some NO’s lingering there. I think it comes from High School when I got rejected a lot. I’m still dealing with those. I think I shout YES by drinking too much to feel confident. Just when I think the game is on the night is over and I’m alone again. I would really like to have a steady girl friend but am stuck in a rut and can’t see the way out.
Seeing that you are stuck in a rut is empowering, Alan. Use that noticement effectively; don’t listen to the resentful voice that wails, ‘Poor me’. Answers to R.O.A.R. are right around the corner (in my little orange book). blessings
Rob, asking “Where is there a NO firmly sitting in your mind” is brilliant. It invites us to confront our stubborn beliefs. If we respond truthfully, then we’re one step closer to realizing our potential. If we say “there is none”, it makes us dig and search to make sure there really is none. We have been conditioned to believe all the “No’s” drilled into our imressionable minds as children. But you’re right, we have the power to undo these “No’s” and turn them into “Yeses”.
INDEED, Belinda … when we are willing to look directly at ourselves, all is discovered! One part of us is not afraid of the truth, so let that part of us be exposed to the truth and it will save the whole of us! blessings
I really like this. It’s a real challenge and a concept I’ve not come across before. I think I going to really like what you write.
Rushing through concepts we’ve never heard before is NO’s way of assuring we live with a mind that is closed to newness, Marty. Thanks for stopping by and pondering. blessings
Wheeew. I thought wiping out my limits and hang ups was easy. When I first started down the self improvement path I just blustered ahead enthusiastically. It’s a little embarrassing now. My goal last year was to make a $100,000 a year and run my own business by this time. Well, I’m still at the same job with the same complaints so clearly I have a bunch of NO’s, I do believe I can wipe them away but I’m more realistic. I can see where I have definitely improved my overall attitude and mood so I have to pat myself on the back for the positive. I think it is about keeping our feet on the ground and appreciating the journey of self discovery.
When clawed by a jungle filled with NO’s, it’s because we still inhabit that psychic jungle, Kara; you are beginning to see this! blessings
Oh Boy. You are not letting me off the hook this week! This is indeed a reality check. Lately I’ve been annoying my wife because I keep insisting that I am cool and calm after a long day of frustration and agitation. She says it is like that Seinfeld episode where George keeps chanting “serenity now, serenity now”. I still have a ton of the NO that makes me easily angered and agitated. I tend to fool myself into thinking I am Mr. Cool all the time now… my wife sees right through that one!
I love the ‘serenity now’ episode on Seinfeld (and how it sooo did NOT work), Roger. Thank you for that!
Rob, I’ve seen your avatar and name showing up all over the blogosphere but haven’t been to your site until today. I love it. I love the movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey. Simply saying YES to every situation in his life opened up a whole new world to him. And it’s a powerful lesson for us. We’ve been so conditioned to “No No No.” Once we leave that people-pleasing part behind us, it’s amazing what we can do.
When we set our mind right, our world goes right very quickly thereafter, Bryan. blessings
Hi Rob,
Wonderful post! We all experienced “NO” from our parents and other people in general and I’m one of them. What I learned is that I have to change my attitude, change my beliefs, develop faith, and program my subconscious mind with what I want to achieve. I also learned that if someone says, “NO” to me, then this is his/her opinion. It has nothing to do with me. Thanks for sharing my friend
A sincere request for help attracts fresh intelligence; you are fresh intelligence, Dia. Thank you for your intelligent remark.
I love this Rob. It’s a good kick in the ass. We have to look directly at our NO’s and see where we are stuck. For years I thought it was all about thinking positive and everything would fall into place. Well that never worked out. I think it is good to get fed up with our BS every once and while and take a good hard look at our limits. I tend to stick my head in the sand and hope everything will work out. Well if that strategy worked I would have been a billionaire by now!
When we stick our head in the sand (like an ostrich) we get our asses kicked, Rus … don’t we. Destructive habits have a way of disguising themselves as constructive action. blessings
It’s amazing when you say it. We really do hold onto all those no’s we received as kids. I went to a catholic school and I tell ya those Nuns did a number on me! I still hear their voice when nagging me over the simplest of things. When I think deeply about it those no’s have hampered me to some degree my whole life. They cause feelings of guilt over the silliest of things (even saying that makes me feel guilty.) No matter how much I try to take on the idea that I am whole and complete I will never really be it until I un-do those NO’s. Thanks for the wake up call.
INDEED, Carol Anne … we cannot install YES until we undo the NO’s. The deeper we descend within to undo the NO’s, the higher we ascend in life with YES’s supporting us. blessings.
YO Whazz upp ROBO. I hear ya MAN. Even I have some NO NO NO’s going on. Most people think I’m just flying high ALL the time. But it’s only like 99%!!!! So what your saying is IF I had NO NO’s I’d be a millionaire by now, Right. I hear ya. I’d be like the facebook dude – ZUCKERBURGER. He’s like 28 and got it ALL figured out. He’s kind of a NERD but I’d like to have his $$$$$ mwahahaha! If I get rid of my NO’s there no stopping ME.
Nice comment, Magic Marc … you are beginning to reveal your intellectual side! These blogs lead to the refreshing life that you really want … watch and see! blessings
Aha. That’s why I can’t seem to totally shake my anger and agitation no matter how much of this stuff I read. That picture could definitely be me (when I was working anyway!) I’d go into work ready to tackle a new day with a new attitude but one dopey co-worker would be enough to put me in a funk. I’m sick and tired of it. I like the real thinking going on here. This is the only self help blog I’ve found where an angry dude can be understood.
Real thinking (as opposed to negative whining or forced positive thinking), is where our power lies, Ramone. The vital fact is not that you easily anger, but that you can navigate successfully through the anger. blessings.
Rob: This is honestly one of the best posts I have read. I really appreciated what you said about people convincing themselves that “NO”s are not their issue, but the reality is that if we aren’t exactly where we want to be, there is something there lying subtly or perhaps not so subtly in our minds.
“Growth isn’t adding something on … it is undoing the limitations that NO impose on you. With the undoing of NO, you automatically grow.”
That is an amazing statement. I love that. Definitely one of those statements that points you in the direction of having an epiphany.
What a gloriously enchanting experience to be charmed by the truth, Sibyl; that is what is happening to you as you read these blogs. Thank you for being you.
You are digging deeper and deeper, comrade. These are challenging topics when we reflect deeply on them. Even in my old age (dotage? ha ha) I’ve got plenty of NO to reconcile. Being retired has really opened my eyes to all the things I put on the back burner. The good news is the best is yet to come for this old Salt. I would like to think it is as easy as just saying YES YES but I find it takes considerable effort to begin my writing… and progress comes slow. I guess that is the NO. Being real about it helps me understand that sometimes you just have push through the wall of NO – and it ain’t gonna be easy when we are really up for a big change.
A wise seeker, Salty, informs his NO’s that he no longer will tolerate their lies. blessings
Hi Rob,
“When you let go of No, you automatically grow” really stuck out for me. It is a lot easier for me to say no to things that I haven’t tried before. A few years back, I made the decision to say “Yes” to every new, safe opportunity that came my way in an effort to become more social. This article reminds me of the Wayne Gretzky quote: “You will miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Everything is correctable, Lisa, when we are willing to look at the truth (even the truth that at first seems to hurt). Yes, we guarantee losing when we refuse to begin; thank you for that. blessings
As a parent this conversation has really got me thinking about how aware we have to be of the mood, attitude and language we use around our children. It makes me cringe when I think back on times where I was short tempered and snapped at my kids. Children really are like sponges – they soak it all up. I know I soaked up some harsh words and opinions myself. There is a ton soak up in this article, thank you, Rob.
Develop the part of you that never consents to the advice of NO, Georgie (that part of you is your original nature!). blessings
Hey Rob. You are really touching on something I have never heard before. There is a certain machismo that I like about it. Some self help people get too wishy washy for me. I made my bones in this world with real nitty gritty thinking! Nobody handed me a thing. I had to look at reality and get it. Reflecting back on it all now (when I broke sales records with my company) all it was was the “Spirit of willingnes.” I was just willing to do whatever it took. I just looked at reality and let that dictate all my decisions – there was no time for over thinking or philosophizing. I wish success came that easily in other areas of my life… but thats why I come here!
You are a gift to this blog site, Richard. I love your earnest input. blessings
I have to admit you ticked me off with this one
. When I first read it I was miffed but could not get it out of my head all week. It took a lot of reflecting but I I had to ask myself why cant I just get this out of my head. I realized that I can be one of those “NO it Alls.” I am good at dispensing advice but lately haven’t turned my keen perceptions on myself. I had some anger rise up that I thought I had rid myself of. At first I was angry at myself for being angry! Then I realized its OK… it’s real thinking… now I can start to get to the root of it.
We all get real good at dispensing advice, Alicia, and many of us get NO-Stuck (we become NO-it-all’s); we say NO when good advice comes our way. That’s one of the curses of close-mindedness. Thank you for this reminder. blessings
I appreciate the insights you offer into the pitfalls of trying to whitewash our NO attitude with a false YES one. However I think the idea of doing battle with the NO attitude is mistaken. It creates a polarized “I’m here but I want to get there” stance, which keeps us on the surface of our lives, on a kind of ‘carrot driven treadmill’ of “I’m going to get better…”.
The idea that there is something better if we only do all the right things and think the right thoughts is itself misleading. ‘Better’ is not some thing in the future. We are already whole, we just need to see that.
Focusing our attitude on “ridding your mind of NO-thoughts” doesn’t’ help us see that actually we are fine and good and brilliant. In my humble opinion, what ‘can’ help us is deep self reflection, going inward at a profound level where we can discover “Oh yeah, it’s true; I am fine and amazing and life is truly magical.”
Granted, it is helpful to understand our negativity and to see it’s falsity, and to do what we can to give our selves a break from that. But I don’t think making NO into a big baddie and then striving to eliminate it will get us very far. Fighting our NO attitudes will keep us on the surface, where we will only see more of the same.
On the other hand, slowing WAY down through some form of contemplative practice can help us see our true nature directly. While I am not trying to sell mindfulness meditation, it is the method I have significant experience with, and it is the only thing I have found that actually allows me to penetrate reality, to see things at a deeper level. I imagine that there are many other methods that do the same, such as deep prayer, vision quests, etc.
Personally I still get caught up in the ‘trap’ of self improvement, trying to change me into a better version of me. I still do this, but over time I learn more and more that it doesn’t work, and that ‘me’ is already great and perfect and amazing.
I think the energy and drive for self improvement is crucial, but I also think that same drive can mislead us if we don’t direct it inwards to something deeper than “I’m going to get better.”
I believe real thinking requires looking at what have become ‘big daddies’ in our lives, Craig … and dealing with those ‘big daddies’ effectively (not fighting them, not denying them, not resisting them, not suppressing them). I have an orange book coming soon that speaks of ROAR-ing; this is how I have learned to deal with negative ‘big daddies’ in my life, Craig. ‘Help’ helps pretenders that stop pretending; I had to stop pretending there were no NO’s in my life before I could help myself create a new relationship with them (an empowering relationship). blessings.
It sounds like you went through a powerful learning journey Rob. It’s great that you are sharing that with this blog and upcoming book. Thanks for your generosity and energy.