January 25th, 2011 by rob white
A group of novice backpackers went camping in the woods for a weekend. They’d barely hunkered down in their tents the first night, when a pack of howling wolves entered the site and kept them up all night with their strange howls.
The backpackers didn’t know what to do; they had two more nights before returning to the city, and they already felt exhausted from lack of sleep.
Fortunately, a seasoned hiker came along; they told him about their circumstance, and he sold them a flare gun and a couple of flares. He taught them how to use it, and he advised them to shoot the flare into the air when the howling began.
That second night, the wolves returned and began howling. They took the seasoned hiker’s advice, shot a flare into the air, and indeed the wolves fled and the howling ceased. They got a great night sleep.
As mentioned on prior blogs, you hear echoes of the 60,000 NO’s that were spoken to you from age two to six. These howling NO’s creep into our mind, not only in the darkness of night, but also in the light of day. They can keep you up all night and cause nervous tendencies all day. No one escapes the howls of NO! … otherwise, we’d all be super-achievers like Leonardo da Vinci.
Fear of failure, fear of success, procrastination and excuse–making … all are a consequence of howling NO’s. This isn’t all dark news – a second look illuminates your mind. You have a flare gun and flares available to scare the wolves from howling at the door of your mind.
Chanting, “YES, YES, YES”, in reaction to NO’s … nope, that’s NOT a flare; this is why motivational speeches only motivate for the short term. If you are to rid your mind permanently of howling NO’s, you must learn to R.O.A.R effectively; this is the flare!
My little orange book will be out soon, offering fabulous advice: Recognize … Organize … Absorb … and Realize. This is the flare you are looking for!
Positive thinking alone does not work; it works no better than negative thinking. REAL thinking works; get real about it – you have a bad habit of pledging your obedience to past echoes of NO. If you didn’t have this habit, again I remind you that you would be expressing freely and winning in all domains of life (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, with family, friends, colleagues and even with strangers … and financially).
Admitting the truth about hampering NO’s (howling NO’s that hamper your progress) is a powerful first step. Dare’st you admit? Please share your thoughts on this matter. How have echoing NO’s of your past stopped you from creating your future as you’d love it to be?
Blessings
“Best Comment of the Week”. This weeks best comment comes from Leah Leah McClellan from Peaceful Planet. The runner up is Lance from The Jungle of Life.
Hi rob. That’s is a really interesting distinction you make. I have always got caught in just over exuberantly just saying “YES YES” to overcome my self doubt. I can see where it has made me a bit delusional. Almost like I denied reality. Positive thinking can be downright damaging if we are deluding ourselves.
WOW, that’s a powerful insight, Kara: positive thinking is as useless as negative thinking … REAL thinking works (be real … look at the NO’s and how they adversly affect you. Now you are able to suggest newness to your mind BY learning to R.O.A.R. ROAR-ing is much more than shouting “YES, YES, YES!” You’ll see the big difference when the little orange book comes out. blessings
NO’s have some good friends Rob – shoulds, musts, haves and can’t's. They roam around the world looking for willing souls to infect. How can you tell? Listen to a person’s langauage e.g. ‘No, I can’t write the book I’ve dreamed of as I have to wait till the kids go to university and it must be the right time’. The more ‘Yesses’ you say the more blesses you bring! I’m all F.O.R. the R.O.A.R. – Focus, Observe and Re-act.
I like your addition to the blog, John. And I would like to offer a caveate: a ‘YES shout’ has no clout … not until we transform our attitude from W.O.E. (What On Earth … caused this) to W.O.W. (Wonderful Obsession Winning). This is where ROAR-ing comes in. So many folks think simply pushing against a NO with a YES is enough… it just ain’t. I know you know this. blessings
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Karen Ruby, rob white. rob white said: NEW BLOG Today #ROAR | How to Rid Your Mind Permanently of Howling "NO’s" http://bit.ly/hxx3oc [...]
ohh procrastination is howling outside my tent every day – day and night! It practically takes a crisis for me to get something done. I don’t know why I do this over and over again. On minute I’m thinking all is well and then all hell breaks lose when I realize I’m behind the eight ball again. I’ve tried to get myself pumped and jacked with motivational stuff in the morning but before I know it I am the same dude I was yesterday. I’m going to start packing my own flares.
Nice noticement, Alan … indeed, positive thinking is not enough when the subconscious is still howling NO. You’re catching on. blessings
Rob: Great message and post. I have noticed how sometimes the NO’s can be such a part of our mental routine that they are subtle. I really appreciate your advice to be honest and take a look and notice when they are there or when excuses are arising in your mind. I do think we have to be on the lookout for them and constantly guard against them so they don’t just creep in. It is a process of continual reprogramming. Thanks for the pointer in the right direction.
Thank you for the depth of understanding you are showing with NO’s, Sibyl. Indeed, they can be so subtle that we don’t even notice (like a dull headache). blessings
Rob – after reading this several times this afternoon (and along with your help earlier), I think I’m finally starting to grasp the power behind the NO’s and what it REALLY takes to thrive; although their presence will always remain.
I had it all wrong initially…I thought that “ridding a NO” was to over power the NO with my own powerful “YES”. I jumped to this conclusion because it does work for me…but it’s not full proof. The “YES” only provides me temporary relief. When I really narrow down my focus, I tend to create visual examples in my mind – and today I was able to draw on a past experience where I *think* I came close to overcoming a NO the right way.
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About 10 years ago I had a pretty bad back. I developed this issue from poor form while working out and lifting heavy weights. In this example, I’m going to refer to my back problem as the “NO”. It didn’t really matter why I had the back problem…it only matter that I had it. While I had this back issue, I would treat the pain with tylenol. In this example, I’m going to refer to the tylenol as my “YES”. When my back would hurt, I’d quickly take the two pills, quickly extinguishing the pain. In time, the effectiveness of the pills diminished, and, I developed some minor stomach problems from taking the pills to often.
SUMMARY:
***My “YES’s” provided me temporary relief. ***In time, my body got used to the “YES’s” which drastically decreased their ability to provide me with the temporary relief. ***The “YES’s” didn’t solve or cure anything, they only masked the pain…and in time, the “YES’s” lead to far worse issues than the NO’s them self, because it really empowered the NO’s not prevail and thrive…I couldn’t even stomach tylenol.
MY REALIZATION:
Finally, I went to a physical therapist because I had to rid the pain once and for all. The physical therapist gave me great tips: stretch, lower my workout weights and utilize proper movements and form and in time I will forget that my pain even existed because I would have changed my behavior, which lead to my pain in the first place.
Because of the stomach issue I had developed, I was forced to deal with the back pain. Dealing with the pain gave me some motivation to follow the PT’s advice, for that was my only way to cure the pain. So when the pain came, instead of yelling the quick “YES”, I was forced to allow the NO (the back pain) to reside. The pain was only cured after realizing that masking the NO did’t do anything in the long run, rather, I had to learn how to handle the NO as best as I could.
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Sorry that was so long. But I would love your feedback on this scenario. I’m curious if I’ve identified an experience that I’ve came close to ROARing? I want to identify a personal scenario where I’ve managed to truly thrive amongst the howling, echoing NO’s. Thank you Rob! This post was a great teacher in putting me one step closer to being an avid ROAR’er. I want ROARing to be my habit.
WOW, this example of the NO’s that prevail, in spite of ‘positive thinking’, is perfect, Jk. The sports world is a perfect example! Self-newness comes when we turn to the truth a dozen times a day, Jk, even when it contrasts our precious beliefs … and then turning to it a dozen more times. You inspire me Jk … that is precisely what you are doing these days! I am learning from you. Thank you
Do I get to put a “like” on this JK? I learn from how you take the growing thoughts that are offered and make them your own.
INDEED AGREED, Sylvia …. Jk asks “what does this have to do with me?” … rather than just intellectualize about the blog material (which is what most folks do – just intellectualize – when they aren’t really ready to make necessary changes). Nice noticement. blessings
It’s amazing that I see so many people defeated by “No” that they never even bother to try. It’s like they are stuck in that tent, too scared to even look at what is defeating them. Those wolves can be scary but I think the scariest thing is living in the dark and never realizing our full potential. When I can look at it that way I am ready to ROAR out into to the world and take a goo hard look at what’s holding me back. The alternative is unacceptable. Thanks for this article, Rob.
I love that phrase, John …. “some folks are too afraid to look at what is bothering them ()they may find out that it really has no power)! Nice one. blessings
I can see hear the NO’s that howl in my mind and stopped me from trying out for semi-pro hockey several years ago, stopped me from asking for a raise two years ago, and had me procrastinate when it came to taking classes for my R.E. license last year. These NO’s have wrecked my past. I can see that. I will not allow them to wreck my future. I have shouted ‘YES’ at them. That’s not enough. Thanks for helping me see there is more to it. I can’t wait to read the orange book
YES, Don … echoes of NO stick around for a lifetime if we do not deal with them at some point in time! blessings
Oh I like this one. I am bit of a hiker myself
. When it comes to hiking I’m pretty confident but I still get lost in the wilderness in my daily life. These blogs are always like flares for me. Just this week I was able to overcome a NO tendency I have. I was starting to angry at one of my suppliers for taking too long and I saw I was bringing my work home with me. I started to realize I was saying NO, NO NO to a nice evening at home in favor of being angry. I thought WOW – what a waste of time. I was able to put it out of my mind and just take care of business the next day. I would usually just tell my wife YES YES everything is OK but just be agitated anyway.
WOW, now that’s a perfect example of dealing with NO; thank you, Roger
I love JK’s example. It gave me a lot of insight on the conversation. It is a funny thing that happens when we try to push through pain and only make things worse. It’s crazy. Anybody on the outside could easily look and just say “Stop! Look what you are doing to yourself!” It is so hard to look at ourselves sometimes. In hindsight I look back on some crazy girl friends and can now say “WHAT on EARTH was I thinking!” I guess that is where we have to learn to Recognize early on.
NICE, Rus … you are showing depth of understanding with your comment. Thank you.
Rob, It’s funny how we can get caught in denial. Sometimes we want to believe something so badly we cant see reality. It’s almost worse to wake up every morning chanting ‘yes’ to something we know deep down just can’t be. Over enthusiastic yessing can really lead to big problems. I’ve seen a few friends finances fall apart for failure to look at the reality of their situation. Sad, sad…
Our biggest denial, Carol Anne, is denying the fact that there are ‘echoes of NO’ that cause us to live life timidly. Thank you
Hi Rob, it’s funny but this post ties in perfectly with the story of denial in my ahem…’comeback’ post which I’ve posted at last. Like JK (wonderful, analytical, clear-sighted man!)and his back/tylenol problem, I was completely blind, literally,and maybe deaf too, to what my body and subconscious was trying to tell me. Denial is such a huge issue. I was so angry and fighting with my illness instead of accepting that it had changed my life completely and thus not learning the lesson I needed to learn.I was bull headedly shouting NO! and refusing to accept what was happening which actually increased the tension in my body making symptoms so much worse.Eventually my subconscious came up with a plan of how to make me ROAR the truth. Because I was refusing to listen to the warnings in my physical life it sent me a clear message in a dream. And since ROAR-ing my way into acceptance the relief is enormous, and I am feeling the beginings of a healing and a new way forward. Thank you for making me think this through clearly Rob.
I love it, Rosemary, when folks (like you) think things through!. What a gift you give yourself. What a gift you give the world (when you share it with the world). Thank you.
Hi Rob, one of the things I’ve realized is that sometimes we just can’t do it all by ourselves. I spent a lot of time pushing through tough times because I thought that is just the way it is supposed to be. There are always guides along the way if we truly interested in getting to YES. There are lots of people out there that will support is if we are looking. For me, this community has been a great place to share these thoughts which in itself is a “flare” to get to YES.
That’s a beauty, GeorgieBoy … yes, yes, yes, this website is a community of folks offering one another flares! BEAUTIFUL … thank you.
oh wow. i think i get it now. a light went off in my head on this one. i thought this stuff was all about staying up beat and positive. it why i keep repeating the same old patterns no matter how much i read. like when i’m trying to talk to a girl and tell myself: persist, persist and she will eventually like you. especially when i drink too much i don’t see any stop signs. it is frustrating because i think i’m doing the right thing but i’m not catching any of the signals. i have to listen to the “no” so i can find the “yes” that is right for me.
Wow, Alan … your response to this blog is sooo ‘right on target’. I love the understanding that you are sharing. thank you
> REAL thinking works
I am a fan of that.
I’m always amazed by how the right lens, or the right questions, or the right mental model, can change improbability into possibility, or even likelihood.
I notice, J.D. that I cannot find the right lens to perceive life clearly until I have cleared my mind of NO (childhood memories of fear and pain). It’s easier said than done (Freud proved this). Blessings
Yo WHAT up ROB-o00OO00o! This is for the clowns out there who just don’t get IT! you know the ones who think their SHIZNIT dont stink and have all the answers. They try to shrink everyone elsees heads even though their lives are a total-ie WRECK!!! Like my one boy who is always like, Marc you gotta do this this this and this — meanwhile he aint doing nothing. He’s just telling me what to do and can’t even see how he is NO NO NO NO NO to ROCKIN OUT in LIFE!
Many folks insist they have all the answers, Magic Marc. The main reason they insist is because they cannot bear to look at their own NO’s. Folks fraught with unconscious thoughts of NO commonly become ‘know it alls’. Even I can get caught in that! blessings
I think when you take action mixed with positive thinking you can’t lose. The no’s get drowned out ( if any) from being in the moment and taking action. Everything comes down to action. Because when you make mistakes and bump your head, you learn not to do it again and go around the pole.
Everything comes down to action after you have learned to ascend the Thinking Ladder successfully. That’s how I see it, jonathan. Try saying, “Do it now” … and then just doing it. If it was that easy – everyone would be succeeding with all of their aims. INDEED, action is vital, but if the mind is unconsciously swimming in a haystack of NO’s – the action is ineffective. blessings.
This is why I like coming to mind adventure. Those airy fairy kumbaya people drive me nuts. It’s all about real thinking — and damn it — most of the time I’m ANGRY! Sometimes I feel like you write these directly to me. We should go get a beer some time.
You are angry when you are resentful of the unconscious NO’s, and cannot figure out what to do about it. The little orange book (R.O.A.R.) will show you what to do. be patient. blessings, Ramone.
Well said rob, It reminds me of “The Positive Power of Negative Thinking.” It is about taking a good hard look at reality. False optimism can have dire consequences. If your vessel is taking on water,don’t stare at the harbor 3 miles away — grab a goddamn bucket and start bailing!
I love your sinking ship metaphor, Salty. Exactly … ignoring the truth will have dire consequences. Thank you
Hi Rob,
I loved the story of the wolves you used for this post. Great way to illustrate your point. We do have a lot of No swirling around in our heads. We do need more than positive thinking we need to take action in order to make our desires real.
Thank you!
Indeed, Angela, we must deal with the howling wolves … ignoring them or shouting at them will do us no good. blessings
Yes. I want to get rid of my “No’s”. I want to be happy with what I have. All my life I’ve strove for more and more material stuff. My NO is saying get more and more to be happy. I’m working on saying YES to the blessings that are already there. I am learning there is happiness in the ordinary – not in constantly striving to acquire the extraordinary.
Indeed, Richard, the ordinary is extraordinary when you learn to find the true blessings it offers. Nice! blessings
My Flare to get to YES is meditation. 20-30 minutes in morning and night. My peaceful mind has NO room for NO. NO just floats on by. I wish I could have more financial security in my life but as long as I can be peaceful all the time I am content. Part of me still says NO to money but I think peace of mind is the most important thing anyway.
Can I be candid, Alicia? I think you are resigning yourself to ‘living with a lack of money’; don’t buy it. that’s a NO that has you struggle with money. You can let it go when you learn to effectively R.O.A.R.
Amazing insightful words. I love it!
You are so right. Positive thinking alone does not work. It needs to come frm the core of our being. We must believe the positive thoughts in order for them to cause any real change.
I loved your story and the way this was all written out!
I look forward to when your book is out.
Tammy