September 3rd, 2010 by rob white
“What’s it take to be successful and Happy today?”
I have a lot of folks ask me this question. “What’s it take to…?” (you fill in the blank).
Every time you inquire in a sincere way, wanting to explore your own nature – you reclaim a part of your life! Ignorance of self (your true nature) places you under negative influences.
How many times have I personally tried to lay blame on the world ‘out there’ because I simply refused to look directly at the problem? Any inward voice insisting that you are a victim – is a false voice! Please take a moment to read and reflect on this statement once again.
I know that the question “what’s it take to be successful and happy?” can be approached from many angles, but let’s go directly at it:
The first thing you must do is ACCEPT past defeats as opportunities for future victories. Cheer up – the moment will come when you will enthusiastically see that your miss-takes offer wonderful life-lessons. Remember the prodigal son; by acknowledging defeat he found his way home!
The second thing you must do is REFUSE to live in fear and desperation. YES, refuse! You are a supreme being with superlatively creative skills. You need not painfully endure anything – all misfortunes have golden nuggets hidden deep in them, but you will not find the nugget if you are looking at your life from a ‘poor me’ attitude!
You must turn deep within and ask to see things differently, if you are to see the opportunities that your miss-takes, disappointments and misfortunes offer. Might I remind you that a mistake is simply a ‘miss-take’ with a life-lesson in it. You took a swing and missed. If you study your miss-take with an eye for learning what you did wrong – the answer you seek will come. Now you are able to do a re-take of that miss-take (refining your action) and succeed. That is when you pick up the megaphone (like the Hollywood director) and sing out: “That’s a take!”
Begin now – accepting that you are a superlatively creative being. No longer accept nervousness as a necessary condition, no matter what your world looks like. Stop treating yourself so badly by wailing our ‘woe is me’. What’s the alternative? Poise and calm.
You will be wonderfully startled at what you attract when you come from a poised and calm state of mind. This is precisely when ‘providence moves to … all sorts of things occur (behind your back) to help you’. This is my rephrase of Wolfgang Goethe’s advice.
Life wants to grant you your rights as a supreme being with superlatively creative skills. Are you willing to accept them? How are you to know yourself for what you really are capable of achieving if you race around screaming for your rights (by insisting that you are entitled, but unwilling to exchange anxiety for peace)? Please reread the prior sentence slowly. There is a lot there!
Okay, so now – please help out your fellow blog community members:
- Share how have you turned a past defeat into a marvelous opportunity for future victory:
(John: I tried to fix my garage door opener, and it crashed to the ground in a thousand pieces …. I called a handyman to replace it, and he has become my
friend. I have a new hobby that I love because of him – fly-fishing) - What golden nugget did you find in a past defeat?
(Kim: I lost my ‘condo-purchasing funds’ in the stock market. I then started a new business with what little money I had left so that I could recoup some of the money. I have regained all of the lost funds and made even more by selling custom made business cards, stationary and envelopes for people – over 5,000 customers in 8 months. I never would have pursued this dream if I’d not been pushed to the wall with my money loss.
- How have you proven to yourself that you are a superlatively creative being?
(Joanne: I always wanted to take piano lessons. I never had time. I got a part-time job in a music store because the owner said I could practice on the floor model piano in off hours. I used the money I made in the store to buy the floor model at a great discount from the owner, and now I have begun my own band).
Consider all feelings of desperation as pushy guests – ask them to leave immediately by reminding yourself that there is a poised and confident part of you waiting with answers, if you allow it to speak to you.
Blessings, rob
PLEASE NOTE: One winner of the “Best Comment of the Week” will receive an absolutely free copy of 180. This weeks grand prize winner is Gail Brenner from A Flourishing Life. The runner up was Joy From unfoldingyourpathtojoy Blog . Thank you all for your great contributions. See their comments here here.
Get ready to ROAR! Recognize, Organize, Absorb & Realize. The first of my new e-book series is now available: Your Lack of Willpower is the Only Thing Defeating You. I have been refining my ROAR system over the past two years and will be releasing an empowering collection of essays over the coming weeks.
For much more on how to maintain a soaring attitude in these testing times, consider purchasing my book, 180. Now only: $19.95 + S&H
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Ryan Biddulph, rob white. rob white said: New Blog: The Only Two Things you Need to Overcome Negative Influences http://bit.ly/bKERzg [...]
Hi Rob,
Very nice article. We can’t move forward and achieve our goals if we keep blaming people or life for our misfortune. We need to take responsibility for everything in life. We also need to start viewing mistakes as oppotunities that we can use to our advantage. Thanks for sharing
YES, Dia, the reason a person must awaken to negative influences is because it is dangerous for him (or her) to remain asleep – as that person’s current life will prove.
Hi Rob, I agree wholeheartedly. It can be tough for people to see how to accept themselves, especially if they’ve been stuck in a ‘victim’ mentality for a long time. I realized about a year ago I spent most of my mental space in nervousness, wondering what people would think of me if I didn’t enunciate a certain syllable properly. I did what you said – accepted that I was a beautiful human being, and refused to live in constant anxiety. I wanted to be free, to let my real self out of its shell. So I did – accepted and refused again and again, and finally I am closer to real freedom. By that I mean confidence, empowerment, and positivity.
In the beginning it can be tough to really ‘accept’ yourself, but I employed that ‘fake it till you make it’ mentality and it worked for me. I pretended to accept myself even if I didn’t experience it in my body, and behaved as though I did. I think my mind and body got used to it.
Best wishes and thanks for sharing!
Lynn, you are wonderful to share that intimate challenge in your life so that others may learn from you. Great job. Self-rescue begins the moment we discover that we do not have to put up with negative influences in our lives. Blessings
Rob, I’m going to put my thinking cap on and come back!
Angela, these teachings prompt you in a new direction, and eventually you will see refreshing sights from all sights – c’mon back when you view that new perspective. Thank you
If you make the decision to be happy. Your half way there. The problem with most people is that, they don’t decide on what they want. They have half hearted objectives they want to complete because they are afraid of failure. Or believe in the impossible to be possible for them.
But those of us. Those esoteric smiley faced humans that roam the earth, happier than an camper or a bee during matting season, understand this one idea. Once we decide to be happy and accept optimism rather than negativity. WE are now the creator of our world and the supreme being of your life. Just decide!
I must say, jonathan, if you are as happy as you describe (ongoingly) then you have me beat. I am not as happy as a clam all of the time (although, I do not know how happy clams really are). Indeed, though … happy-mindedness and peace of mind come about through actualizing Master Thoughts such as -’the only creative power in your world is your mind’. Thank you.
Hi Rob
I like any post where I only have to do two things. LOL
I’m not sure if I’ve found any golden nuggets in past defeats but perhaps past defeats have each given me a few grains, which will add up to a golden nugget!
It’s about being prepared to give it another go… grab the problem like a terrier and don’t let go until it’s sorted.
Superlative creative being – may be a bit over the top but my WordPress and blogging skills started at zero and have slowly crept up the scale – always surprises me.
In my own area, Public Speaking, I sometimes have to remind myself that it is me stood there in front of that audience, keeping them amused – well at least I think it’s me. LOL
You show some self-doubt, Keith. I appreciate your honesty. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and sometimes are humanness can feel weak.
When my confidence flounders, I remind myself – “rob, the lost mind must focus … it cannot deal with vastness … it is time to concentrate on a meaningful something and hang on to it until the mind is restored to its right creative order.” Blessings
Hi Rob,
A year and a half after moving to AZ 3 years ago hubs lost his job. His plan was to work for someone (sold own accounting biz in MI before leaving) for 8 yrs and then retire. After the initial shock we made a plan. He started looking for consulting work. We put up a website. We did some major marketing. He advertised again in MI and told people he could do their work from AZ. He began networking and a whole bunch of other stuff. That was 18 months ago and this year he has surpassed his old income. Want to hear something real funny…that boss that let him go called him back for consulting work 2 weeks ago. Nothing is impossible unless we think it is. Sometimes we let laziness hold us back. When pushed against a wall we often surprise ourselves all over again!
Nice, Tess … love your real life examples. Remind yourself daily that the way the world goes is not necessarily the way that you want to go … and new choices appear out of nowhere! blessings
Hi Rob,
I had to sit and think about what past defeat I could write about before I left a comment Rob. The reason I couldn’t come up with one right off the bat is that I’ve never looked at anything in my life as defeat. I’m all about looking at the glass half full, no matter what. So, I decided to ask myself when did life give lemons, and how did I make lemonade out of it? Then I had the answers to your questions!
Okay, here goes: I’ve been a freelance writer since the mid-90s. Nothing major – an article here – there, etc. As I’m sure you know by now I’m in the mortgage biz. In 2007 the market started to slow, so I picked up a bit more freelance work. I ended up with real estate column in the newspaper and a monthly real estate column in a magazine. While it didn’t replace my income it certainly supplemented it.
The more the market slowed – the more time I had to write. Fast forward to the present – While I no longer have the two columns, I now write instead for my blog. Starting the blog led me to the A-List Blogging Club which ultimately led me to becoming a contributor to The Daily Brainstorm – and then to my becoming the director of marketing for The Daily Brainstorm.
So, I’d say while life might have dealt me a lemon – I’ve made lemonade out of it. I’m so much happier now than I was during the crazy real estate boom that left me no time to express my creativity.
Nice take on your life, Angela. A simple admission that sometimes our lives are making no sense can be a pivotal turning point. If I try to insist that the ‘glass is half full’ when it feels half empty (to me) … I am missing the opportunity to do anything about it. Until I admit that I am stuck in a dark cave (at times), I cannot turn on the light to find my way out. blessings
Fantastic Rob,
I like the way you get everyone thinking. I’ve come to view perceived disappointments or negative influences to have valuable lessons within the experience. Hindsight being 20/20, allowing time to pass gives way to clarity. Like Angela, I was hard-pressed to come up w/ an example since I work to maintain “pinging and ponging between good and great.” (Oh, I’m such a 180 fan)
Ok, here’s one: years ago, what was initially a heart-breaking end to a relationship that would’ve been disastrous anyway, actually contributed to my resilience, independence, and self-empowerment. Letting go of negativity makes room for better things!
I love it, Kim … YES, heartbreaking relationship (with a little hindsight) can prove to be blessings. Can a person who lives with internal confusion about her past, ever do what is truly right for herself in the future? Thank you
I love this Rob!
It seems I found it at just the right moment too!
A few years ago I left a bad relationship with not much besides my clothes, my cat, and my guitars.
Losing my household belongings was I think one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
I wasn’t a terribly materialistic person, but starting over has taught me so much about what truly need to be happy, and I no longer need to clutter my mind up with “stuff”.
Also, starting out in a new home without a lot to entertain me moved me outdoors where I rediscovered nature and everything that is beautiful around me.
That is a beautiful example of the blessing of moving on with anticipation of betterment in spite of feeling hurt, Jenny. Refuse to play the roles that others will cast you in for their benefit. Thank you
I love this. I can handle 2 steps! It is that simple. In my last ‘defeat’ I simply realized I need to take responsibility for ALL the comings and goings in my business. I had to accept that if I’m going to make it I have to take on the responsibilities of micro AND macro. I used to hate book keeping and financing. Realizing that there is nobody who can simply resolve everything was huge. I simply have to actively participate in those matters
Hi Rob,
I’m with Angela, I don’t look at anything as defeat..I take the good from it and allow it to grow as I move on..
I am extremely creative in life..I am a single mom who works full time outside my home while I write and meet with clients around that and I am raising my two children on a sailboat..So creativity is a must in my life.
I shall combine creative with “defeat” for you..Four years ago I was in an abusive relationship. I put the abuse in one compartment as I lived the rest of my life..I knew this was not the life I was meant to have, so I found the courage to leave..I reinvented myself..I took an intensive year to stay home with my children and to heal and grow and learn..to spend time journaling, running on the beach, practicing yoga and to spend quality time with my children and my friends..I decided who I wanted to be and what I wanted the foundation of my life to look like and I built upon that..I continue to build upon that every day..And now I teach others how to create the life of their dreams..
*Anything* is truly possible..when you believe it to be so..You may create in this moment with what you have and grow that little nugget as big as you want it to..
Living on a boat – that’s LIVING, Joy! I appreciate your attitude and how you are actualizing your philosophy. Many folks dwell in psychic sleep – not living in tune with reality(which offers prosperity of evey nature … not insufficiency). I am referring to the abundance of enriching experiences that are available if we take the time to notice (like you are doing). Nice response to the blog. blessings
I love Angela’s story. You just never know what life has in store for us. I used to joke about finding my “real job” when I was young and starting out in the world. I tried jobs and had a lot of ideas about careers. What I’m doing now I could never have predicted but it really did work out perfectly. I don’t think I experienced defeats, just “course corrections” as Rob would say. Maintaining that attitude is the key to success through out life – no matter what challenge we are facing.
Dear Rob,
I feel one of the biggest challenges to overcome is the victim stance. I saw it a lot growing up and it took a lot of years and self-evaluation + compassion to step out of that role. It creeps in when you’re not looking.
Being freed of that, everything changes. Then I could claim your wonderful statement: Life wants to grant you your rights as a supreme being with superlatively creative skills.
I don’t think I have an issue with failure and moving forward. If I make a mistake I try to own it and then move forward.
Last, I feel it’s important to try new things even if I’m the “worst” in the class. That takes a willingness to “fail” I suppose – it feels good to be one of the best at something. I approach those things (for example my hula hooping and djembe lessons these days) as a way to have FUN, not as something to accomplish.
If we’re unwilling to not be a newbie at something we miss out on PLAYING – and I for one am going to have my FUN TIME!
Thanks for a thought-provoking post!
Warm regards,
Lauren
It is clear to me, Lauren, that you walk across a room with energy supplied by yourself, not by the coaxing and urgings of others. I love the insights and wisdom that you offer with your comment to this blog. thank you
Hey Rob,
I don’t believe in the concept of defeat. For me, each experience is an opportunity to learn. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I don’t. I just learn what I can and move forward. No one is born perfect. We are all works in progress and often how we learn is by falling flat on our faces. So I just pick myself up and keep on going.
Last year, I was laid off from my soul sucking job. One lead to another and I ended up following a long held dream and started my own business as a conscious business, online media and branding consultant. The irony of all of this is that 13 years ago I left a lucrative career (which I enjoyed) as an image consultant and campaign writer to find meaning and happiness. Now all these years later, I found what I was looking for and am back doing what I was doing (to some degree) but I am wiser.
Life has interesting way of taking us places!
It is a marvelous moment … to go through the temporary discomfort of being wrong, Nadia. You’ve discovered that! Nothing does us more good than to open our minds to our wrong way of seeing things – we find ourselves overflowing with strength to be innovative and begin again. Rememer, it is never YOU that is wrong – is is only old limiting decisions that are being exposed as wrong. Thank you for reminding us of this. blessings.
Wow. There is a ton of wisdom here. I love these stories. I wish I had read these after I lost my job I would have been on my feet in seconds. Instead I took about 2 months being a ‘victim.’ I think I learned a big lesson after I realized I was just wallowing in my victim mentality. My biggest lesson was learning that self-pity is a useless waste of energy. Now whenever I’m confronted with challenges I take them head on.
Good stuff. I like your frame and examples to light it up.
Here’s my rundown …
1. I found myself with too many crossed-expectations at work. There was a big gap between what I expected and what was happening. I hadn’t realized how many changes had happened under my feet, so I hadn’t updated my expectations for the new context. I then adopted a new lens — the way things are, the way things should be, and the way you want things to be.
2. Distinguish between the way things are the way you think things should be … but first, make sure you can very clearly see the way things are. Then it’s a lot easier to adapt to the situation, adjust the situation, or avoid the situation.
3. I’ve learned how to create books that solve problems. My early technical books went through a lot of rigorous testing against scenarios, and came out ahead in competitive studies, time and again.
YES, J.D. when there are gaps between reality and our perception of what’s happening, it is wise to awaken to the difference so that we may adjust. Truth declares that we adjust to it … bend does not bend to accomodate our expectations. blessings
What a cool post! I think the greatest thing to come from a past defeat is the home I own now. After a horrid battle with a former landlord who wanted to almost double the rent we were paying I found the courage and desire to become a home owner and now live in an amazing place that was a great purchase.
I prove to myself I am creative every time I open the fridge and make some sort of tasty meal out of what I find there. *lol* I love sprinkling creative moments throughout the day. Even if nobody notices, my life is my art.
Thanks, Rob! That was fun.
NICE, Clearly … I love your ‘house story’. It is a tribute to the human spirit when we really set our minds to cleaning up our lives. Good example. We never need to fight life, we just need to realize that our original nature has already won the battle – simply seek to see the truth about our unlimited potential … Thank you.
Defeat is not part of my vocabulary, Rob, so I’m skipping that part of your post
. Seriously though, I view what we do and how we be as building blocks to getting better and better if we embrace our growth and evolution.
As for fear, I’d be lying if I said I knew the concept of fearlessness. However, I believe it’s perfectly healthy to acknowledge the fear but not let it stop the manifestation of our intention.
I look directly at my self-defeating thoughts and actions, Belinda. With awareness, I have the ability to clean them up. Without awareness of my self-imposed defeats, I cannot break old bad habits. This is why the word ‘defeat’ is part of my vocabulary. I use it to empower me. YES, fearlessness is a prize tht few human beings possess. blessings
I think our defeats really shape our character more so than the successes. I had a big health scare not long ago that really threw me for a loop. It turned out to be the greatest thing because it got me into a higher state of awareness and ultimately got me writing again.
Rob,
Looking toward life as a challenge to rise to provides the energy and attitude to grow and develop into a more whole person. I would say its actually important to experience some set-backs in order to learn how to deal with lifes ups and downs. Though I wouldn’t want to experience some of the difficult situations of past again, I feel they have made me stronger and more prepared for life.
YES, Joe … setbacks offer valuable lessons (and there are many I would not care to experience again). Nice tip. Honest! Self-torment consists of refusing to learn from setbacks (coming up with a dozen excuses why we are not responsible). Thank you
Hey Rob, you know I have lived a very fortunate life and can only remember small trifles but we did leave Iran and do so in such a desperate and quick way that I never recovered from losing my childhood friends and home. This year I found my childhood friends after 25 years and was able to reminisce to my heart’s content and I feel some of the gap is filled again. I think the negative influence of dictator governments with cruelty to their citizens is the one situation which is hard to look past….And yet, the people of Iran find ways to smile at life and even celebrate it even in the face of the atrocities of the regime…..Indeed the human spirit can span across many levels of hardship and still thrive….
That’s pretty amazing, Farnoosh. I would have never even thought about that. But, you are right….. the human spirit is simply amazing like that.
This is your most heartfelt comment yet, Farnoosh. You say much more than I believe your rational mind imagines. You’ve revealed the adversities that have empowered you to be who you are today. If people are to grow, they cannot grow in isolation. The greatest opportunity one has in a suppressed culture is to evolve beyond the oppression. Those who evolve make a real contribution to humanity. Thank you for that.
Man I’ve had so many “defeats” in the music business but I can tell you I wouldn’t trade in any of them. I’ve learned so much by coming up short. I truly feel each defeat is simply one step closer to a big break. I think you have to put in your time and get experience. It’s really the only way to have a huge breakthrough.
Hey, that’s just like me… I got the pink slip too. I didn’t make as quick of a recovery as your stick guy. In fact I’m still pretty peeved. I wish I could bounce back but my defeat in lingering. I tell myself that I will look back on my unemployment as a little blip. I ultimately believe this will be a positive lesson.
Oh Yeah, I totally get this one. Even in high school when I used to get shot down by girls it was only a temporary defeat for me. All those little defeats define our character. Big defeats are tougher but with time and perspective they are the best thing that could ever happen to us.
I’m in the restaurant business and have been defeated many a time. It’s all about learning from mistakes… if you are not learning from mistakes you might as well be a lumberjack.
I Imagine even a lumberjack has to learn from his mistakes,alan, otherwise he probably would lose an arm or leg with all of that heavy dangerouse quipment. I get your point, though … thank you
Yes, but you don’t know what I’ve been through and still have to go through. There are no jobs in this town and I’ve just lost a full-time one. I hope that the universe will surprise me if I manage to stay upbeat though. Say a little prayer for I!