June 20th, 2010 by rob white
Have you noticed, yet, that struggle and discomfort are your life-long companions? You will never be without them but you can dramatically diminish their affect on your experience of life. Have you also noticed, that on the other side of struggle (when you look at life from a growth-choice attitude) comes a deep sense of self-worth? Why? Because you find yourself winning at life in spite of what is happening to you.
It was a great discovery when I realized that the quality of my life is a consequence of my internal environment, not my external environment. It was equally as great a discovery to realize that my internal environment (ATTITUDE and MOOD) are a result of my internal self-talk. My attitude and mood are not a consequence of what happens to me! Wow, absorb that opinion and the world looks very different (much better!).
Now, here is the BIG ONE: I can examine what I am thinking while in the midst of thinking it. No other creature in the animal kingdom can do that. When I refer to me, I am referring to you, too. You and I can think about what we are thinking about. That’s huge. This unique ability to examine our thoughts while thinking those thoughts enables us to change our internal self-talk if it is not giving us an internal environment of joy and wonder.
Nothing makes us feel our personal power like taking control of our inward self-talk, and turning it around when it has my mood spiraling down. This power to control our self-talk allows us to control how we feel about what is happening to us. It’s the decisions we make about the events in our life that determine whether we learn from those events or burn from those events. This last statement is a great insight; please take a moment to read it again.
The fact that you can think about what you are thinking about (the fact that you can examine your thoughts while you are having them), enables you to train your mind to think differently if you do not like how you are currently feeling.
When I would get frustrated in traffic jams, I thought I had no other choice but to think ‘poor me’ in such situations. One day, while thinking ‘poor me’ – I decided to examine that thought and see what it was giving me. Other than giving me a dull headache, I realized it was accomplishing nothing. In fact – it was adding melodramatic suffering to the traffic jam experience (which only worsened the experience).
It is a great habit to examine your inward self-talk three or four times a day, and ask yourself: ‘what kind of mood are these thoughts giving me’? Can you afford to allow renegade inward self-talk to determine your moods for you?
If you persevere in studying your inward self-talk, you probably won’t like what you often hear, but the discoveries you make create space for you to create a much more harmonious internal environment. Your internal emotional environment has everything to do with your growth as a joyful, conscious being.
Can you think of a time when a change in your inward self-talk turned your mood around? How do you handle your inward self-talk when it is leading you down a dark alley? Do you have a favorite statement you make to yourself that puts your self-talk back on track? I love to remind myself that ‘I am wonderfully made and worthy of all that is good and beautiful.’
Hi Rob,
I resonate with your snippet about ‘thinking in the direction that you’d like your life to go.’ On occasion, when I need to get back on track, I’ll remind myself, ‘I am moving forward easily and effortlessly, in all areas of my life.’ It can be more specific, but that’s the gist. After all, there is a lesson in each situation. Finding the lesson while keeping a good attitude is key.
Most recently, I was in an accident that totaled my vehicle. After the initial shock and being ‘lead down a dark alley,’ I am in deep gratitude for my health, no injuries, additional time online, and that my baby (the car) did her job and cocooned me with her air bags. I have no residual ill feelings and it feels great!
I was flapping my gums about working more online and the Universe served up exactly what I needed.
Thank you for another wonderful post!
Kim
Wow, Kim, I love your comment. You really grapsed the essence of this blog with your life experience. Thank you for sharing that. You are the teacher – many will learn from your perfect example of what this blog is saying.
Great post Rob! Isn’t strange how our internal self-talk affects our mood? For me personally, I try to watch my thoughts and the way I’m talking to myself. If I find myself talking negatively, I immediately shift my focus to something more positive. I keep reminding myself that for everything that happens there is at least 2 interpretations (one positive and one negative)and I choose the positive interpretation. At first, it was hard to think that way, but with constant practice, it becomes second nature. Thanks for sharing Rob
Thank you, Dia, for reminding me that life contains polarity. For every downwardly spiraling self-talk there is the option to choose its upwardly spiraling opposite. Great comment.
Hello Rob,
What a great post! I have been practicing this for some time now and it is truly amazing how monitoring your thoughts can turn your life around.
I try to find the gift in every situation. Whether it is a lesson learned or an unexpected turn down a new road. I find that if I accept what is happening in the moment, I can always find something in the situation and choose to perceive that something as a gift.
indeed, jenny, when we learn to monitor our thoughts – we can turn our attitude around if we see it is spiraling down. Finding what’s great in any moment (good or bad)puts us back in command of our mind, which is always a great idea.
I think that one of my biggest accomplishments in the last 8 months has been changing my mindset to feel like the monk in your last image when it comes to problems/challenges/set-backs. Some of my friends think it’s weird of me. They say: “Dude, aren’t you mad?” My response: “Sure, but where does that get me?”
I’ve changed my attitude to accept the fact that things will happen. How we choose to deal with it and move forward makes all the difference in the world.
yes, Ricardo, what you think about what happens to you GIVES YOU YOUR EXPERIENCE. What happens to you does NOT give you an experience until you interpret it. Pay attention to your interpretations (as you said in your own way) – that’s a big one.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by rob white, Kim Maglinti. Kim Maglinti said: Make the Growth Choice http://bit.ly/90ikvu @MindAdventure "‘Think in the direction that you’d like your life to go." [...]
Rob,
I think one of the worst things we can say to ourselves is, “I can’t.” I’ve stopped saying this to myself. There are some things I may choose not to do, but I know I can do them if I wanted to.
I feel it’s so important to really “hear” yourself, as you point out in your article. If we listen we can refocus our thinking before it gets too ingrained in us.
When I’m facing a challenge I always say to myself, “I can and I will!”
Rob, you’re a true treasure. Thanks for another excellent post.
I love your ‘I can and I will’ chant, Angela. What a great way to break in and interrupt any ‘I can’t’ self-talk that is trying to get its way with you. Thanks for the input.
Rob,
I liked this a post and seems like it spoke to me. As I just went through a inner dialogue from frustration to zen like in 20 minutes, all by doing self talking within myself.
Someone today was sneaky and mean (could be my perception) but I let that bother me so much that it was affecting my special time with kids and zenguy on special Father’s day. After much inner talk, I came to conclusion that that person or event was not important enough to ruin my time with my loved ones.
Then I come and read your post! Perfect!
Hey, wow … Zengirl, there is nothing like having someone apply the conversation (in the blog) directly to her life … like you just did. When you do that you offer others a vision of reality that they can relate to. What a contribution. keep on Zenning! thanks.
Thanks, I learned a new word today, “Zenning”. I like it.
I intend to do that hopefully without a my very picky inner critic!
By, the I am a subscriber now! Do not want to miss any new posts.
“…thinking in the direction that you’d like your life to go”
I strongly agree with you here rob, as I believe that Energy flows where attension goes. Think and put yourself inthe place where you would like to be and it is completely possible you can be there. Thanks for sharing that one
YES, Billy, when you put your mind where you want to go (AND FEEL AS THOUGH YOU ARE ALREADY THERE) …. the mind immediately goes to work to make it so. nice noticement.
Rob,
This is a great post. I really do feel attitude is everything. The way we perceive our situation is ultimately going to come down to how we act and the direction our life takes. Even if we feel stuck in current situation, we must start doing what we can now, and do what we can with what we have. We must begin acting as if we were already in the situation we desire to be in. This is of course easier said than done, but it can really make or break how our current situation starts to transition into something more desirable.
Yes, Joe, it sounds like you are giving considerable thought to ‘what it takes’ to turns one’s life in the right direction. ‘ACTING AS THOUGH IT IS ALREADY SO’ is key to convincing the mind to take a new point of view. Good tip, Joe – thanks.
Hi Dear Rob!
This is very good. I relate to it and find it’s something I’ve been exploring on a deeper level than previously in my life. I was thinking the other day that when we move into a situation that is new and foreign to us (like a never before done job ….of book release LOL!!) if we aren’t aware we can let our anxiety and thoughts pave the way ahead for disaster, even creating negative situations that might never have happened otherwise. OR we can actively let our thoughts pave the way by setting our intent for the best possible experience/outcome. OR we can do all we can (be proactive) and then let go and trust life that all things will be perfect and as they are meant to be for us to grow, all will be taken care of in the right time and with ease. In this way we are more fully present and can be our most amazing self RIGHT NOW!
Not sure that is clear; it’s been a long day.
But I really enjoyed the positive life-giving quality about this post. Also, just love the little drawings; they have more impact than a photo!!!
Hugs,
Robin
Hi Robin, whenever we imagine an experience that is foreign to our conditioned mind – the mind kicks and screams! What happens next is determined whether we mechanically react to the kicking, or wake up to new choices and consciously opt for one of them. Being fully present requires consciousness. unfortunately, most folks go through their day in a reactive state (which is to be uncosncious to the brilliant possibilities that are always available).
I love the life-giving quality you add to your comments. Thank you.
I’ve never thought of my thoughts as self-talk. Just that idea makes me feel like I have better control of my thoughts. I like the idea of paying attention to what I say to myself, especially when I am feeling stressed.
Hi Rob, I love that you remind yourself of this: ‘I am wonderfully made and worthy of all that is good and beautiful.’ Because this applies to all of us and sadly, we forget too often how true this statement is.
I once took a yoga class where the teacher would have us repeat an affirmation at the end of each pose. I was very cringe-y for the first half hour and really struggled to take it seriously because I like to practice yoga in silence. But by the second half hour, I had gotten over the giggles and by the last affirmation, I felt my spirits lift. Maybe it sometimes is as simple as tweaking our inner self-talk. And maybe the biggest hurdle for us is to first admit that our current self-talk does need tweaking.
Great post.
Yes, Belinda … tweaking our self-talk (so that we can be more mentally flexible) is as important as tweaking our body (so that we can be more nimble). I love how you have woven body and spirit together in your comment. Thanks
I love getting up in the morning and reminding myself that I am worthy of all good things. It sets me up to expect a better day. I began that ritual six months ago when you explained it to me, rob, and it works.
I’m glad you weren’t in my head earlier today, Rob. My internet connection was down for a few hours, and I’m trying to get extra work done due to a funeral/family events the rest of this week. I had a great drama going in my brain about how awful this situation was, how far behind I’d now be, and on and on.” Thank goodness I caught myself before I was all the way into Meltdown City!
All I needed to do was step back and stop struggling against the situation. There were other things I could work on, it’s a beautiful day, and so what if a few things are delayed?
Yes, Jean, the mind is addicted to melodrama. Indeed there are sad things that happen to all of us, but suffering is optional. Certainly life is never going to be without it struggles, but when we are willing to step back and detach (as you have done) – we stop struggling with ‘WHAT IS’. This does not mean that all the answers come to us, but things get a lot easier. my thoughts are with you as you go through these trying times. Thank you for sharing
Hey Rob!
Hope things are going fine with you, lately my “inner self” has been struggling to get things done. Lately, I find myself going out of my way just to get inspired and motivated to do what I gotta do to achieve my current goals…
All the best,
Parker
indeed, Parker Lee, our conditioned inner self-talk has a purpose, and it is quick to insist that we must suffer if circumstances allow it to take over. We are pretty much programmed with a ‘poor me’ or ‘damn you’ mentality by our teen years. It seems we cannot escape it to some greater or lessor degree. The job we strive to do is to be ourselves and only ourselves – the superlatively creative beings we are meant to be – when that inner programming gets a grip on the mind. The more we work to take command of the mind, the easier it gets. The easier it gets, the easier it gets. keep going – my friend.
Rob, just today I was wondering why on earth I got into such a bad mood (even for 5 minutes) when life was swimming along perfectly – why my reaction to something very simple was so sudden? I even thought about writing about moods on a blog post but alas, you have done a great job here. I am going to examine these thoughts next time they dare pop up.
This is not an easy topic to write about. Great articulation and thought-process!
The mind, Farnoosh, is programmed to serve up videos of past upsetting events whenever the opportunity arises. It is done at the subconscious where your conscious level of awareness is unable to notice, We have been indoctrinated to think in terms of melodrama and the conditioned mind is addicted to it. This is why, out of the blue, we can find ourselves moody with a poor attitude. Of course, Farnoosh, as you know – the way out is to take command of the thoughts you choose to ponder, and persist until the mind turns. As I said to Parker Lee, the more you practice taking command of your mind (and control of your moods), the easier it gets.
When I learned how to meditate it really made me aware of all the crazy thoughts and wasted energy that was going on in my head. I have trouble getting outside of myself in the heat of the moment (especially traffic). In those situations I still spiral downward… I feel like George Castanza’s father chanting “serenity now, serenity now…” I can become aware of the thoughts, but I guess I still can’t switch my mood around.
I love the Seinfeld series – it teaches a lot about human nature (like rob does).
Hey Rob,
Another great post here! It is interesting you mentioned self talk as an important part of what we begin to experience in our lives. One of the things I practice on a daily basis is meditation. As I center my thoughts clear of chatter, during the day I can pick out easily when I am thinking a negative thought. From there I can switch that thought into more concstrucive and benefical. I guess the big thing for me is to be aware of my thoughts as they arise, and keep those that I choose to help me. Great post Rob!
YES, Baker, when we handle our inward self-talk, we handle our mind. When we handle our mind we handle our lives. Thanks for the input. It sounds like you are doing that.
Great post here. Sometimes I can blast the evil naysayer out of my head with some loud upbeat music and a quick dance:) Other times just notice it’s there but shrug it off and get on with what needs to be done. When you’re busy there’s no time for that kind of thing. Thanks Rob!
! like your tip, Annabel, of shaking the negative inward self-talk away with a quick dance … like voodo- shake a stick at it! If that doesn’t work just shrug it off – ho hum. nice!
I am listening to my self-talk all of the time, but I always assume I can’t change the radio station. It’s like talk show radio. I can change it. Thanks
I love your metaphor, Bobbie – thanks!
Hi Rob,
I think one of the most important truths you can come to realize about your life is that you have choices and and responsible for your own life. There are no victims and if you have that victim mentality, you have to get rid of it and take control of your own life. The first step is to take responsbility for your thoughts, beliefs, and actions in life. None of us can completely control what happens to us, but we can control how we think and react to those situations. It’s a choice.
I enjoyed the article and the discussion this generated. We can all relate
Thanks,
Karen
When we are able to relate, Karen, we are able to learn. When we cannot relate, learning stops. Thank you for you addition to the bolg.
I agree, Karen, that we have to learn to manage our thoughts or they can drive us crazy. I like the way you said it. Rob says we always get what we think about the most – that is important for me to remember.
It is important for me to remember that ‘we get what we think about most’, Nancy, that’s why I teach it to others (So I might learn it deeper).