March 28th, 2010 by rob white
In one of my weekly Mind Adventure Alliance meetings, Steve shared a high school experience that changed his attitude about himself. In High School Steve was considered a ‘geek’, and that’s because his passion was computers (back then – computers were un-cool). He was often ridiculed and ostracized by his classmates. This never bothered Steve and today he is considered a top notch consultant in the Software industry. Steve declared his self-dependence at an early age. He intuitively sensed that expressing himself in ways that he enjoyed was far more valuable than trying to get by and fit in.
Wow – that is personal power in action – being willing to fully participate in life with your own distinctive style! Steve went on to say that he loves expressing himself, not to rebel but just to be himself. I can remember when I was in high school, and succumbed to the urge to blend in so that I would look good and be accepted. This pressure was more important to me than ‘just being myself’. Have you ever felt that way?
It takes courage to declare, “I choose to be me”, in the face of a world that wants you to be like everyone else. It’s those who dare to break free in the name of self-dependence, that feel fully alive. Are you one of them? Two of my heroes, in this regard, are Mohammed Ali (who dared to be himself in spite of tremendous government pressure), and Madonna (who continues to reinvent herself as her music evolves). Do you have anyone that inspires you to be yourself?
Take a moment today, to declare to yourself: “My aim today is to be my genuine self’.” I have a 90 Day Mind Adventure (coming out soon) that shows you precisely how to do this. Any thoughts?
Wow, I love this topic. Do I dare to be myself. Sometimes I do, when I am with my close friends, and other times I don’t; like when I go out to a fancy restaurant (I get nervous). I can see how self-dependence comes and goes with me.
Yeah. High School beats a lot of people down (myself included). I rebelled and was labeled an ‘outcast’. I think that is when I really started to lose it. I took me a long time to really pull myself out of that malaise. One of my heroes in that regard is Bob Marley who taught me to “Lively up myself” ha ha. His music would always inspire to be myself. I’m so changed from those years. I don’t act out of rebellion anymore instead act out of love. If there is one thing I am great at its spreading the love!
Hi Rob,
Thanks for the post. I hope your weekend is going well up in Boston.
I really admire Steve for being true to himself at such an early age. In high school, it is very difficult to have the courage to do this. As you mentioned, there is just so much pressure to fit in.
For me, while I have always marched to the beat of a different drummer, it has definitely gotten easier for me to be myself as I have gotten older. Basically, I just stopped caring what other people thought about me. It was that simple.
A few of my heroes in this area are Curt Flood, Pat Tillman, and Ayn Rand.
Yes, Greg, nothing is more important than being true to ourselves. Only then can we truly be a contribution to humanity. The ‘Law of Oneness’ kicks in (and what we do to enhance our ‘beingness is a contribution to the ‘all of it’). You can’t stop it, just as you cannot stop the wind from blowing. That is how natural it is.
One of my heroes is Bob Dylan. He is an artist who refuses to be labeled or defined. He his never afraid to risk alienating his fans in pursuit of a higher creativity. He is another one that does not care what other people think. He has never played by the rules other people impose on him and continues to do it to this day. He is very Picasso-like in terms of longevity, reinvention & depth of his oeuvre. He inspires me to put paint on canvas as much as any painters I respect.
I play by my own rules, nobody else’s, not even my own.
Hey Zombieboy, I am not sure what you have said. Can you explain? I am curious?
Is your “Steve” Steve Jobs or Steve Wozniack?
haha. They are both my heroes. The founders of Apple decided they didn’t want to play be the rules of Microsoft and Bill Gates. Thank god they did, I love my Mac and my iphone.
How abot Martha Stewart, she decided to get into the game and play by her rules and they sent her to jail?
Martha Stewart went to jail because she scares men. She is hero in my book. She is as ruthless a business person as anyone out there. She entered the business arena with all the gusto and brashness of any ‘Captain of Industry’ out there. She is a transformational figure for me… so watch out world!
I declared self-dependence when I went to nursing school in spite of my friends laughing at me. I now have a great job while a lot of my friends are out of work in this recession.
I declared self dependence when I went to nursing school in spite of my friends laughing at me. Now I have a great job and a lot of my friends are not working in this recession.
I declared self-dependence when I went to nursing school in spite of my friends laughing at me. I have a great job now and some of my friends are not working in this recession.
I declared my self-dependence when I applied for a firemans’s job and after two years waiting – I got it! The community felt it was a man’s job and tried to stop me.
Good for you MsMurray. I need to get on this Self-Dependence thing myself. I would like to start my own business but I get distracted by trivial things and procrastination. I think I’m scared to break from my safety zone. I think I need to go back to school but am afraid of going into debt… arghh it’s scary out there on your own. How do get over that fear?
Hi Rob. This is a nice story that you bring up. I remember in high school there was a lot of pressure to conform into the different cliques on campus. If you didn’t, you were considered a social outcast. It’s good that Steve was brave enough to be self-dependent and continue with his passion of computers. In the end, he succeeded and found his passion to what he wanted to do, while the others who made fun of him back are probably struggling to find what they want to do now.
Nice words of wisdom for a young man, Hulbert. Your life is going to unfold nicely (keep it up).
Self Dependency is over rated. What you need is a nice government job with health benefits and a nice pension. There is plenty of time for my self when I can show up late and leave early to go sailing or play golf. If that’s not nice what is?
Do You mean that Salty? I cannot tell if you are kidding or really think that way?
I have found, Mnson, that real happiness depends upon being self-dependent; I was just being funny with my comment above.
Thanks Salty for the reminder that I am only happy when I am self-dependent. I can become so dependent on others, and then I resent them because I feel as though I need them.
That is a strange phenomenon, Monica … how we can set up a relationship of ‘need’ … and then we resent the person we needed. It is because we give up our self-dependence and do not want to hold ourselves accountable for having done that.
I understand that feeling Monica. I play both sides, giving too much and not feeling appreciated and being dependent and resentful of my savior. It created an exciting (but miserable) life of drama. I am choosing to let the drama go in return for calm stable relationships. I can feel the rightness of it and it is a little uncomfortable too…to change what I always knew. Life is good! thanks for the great thoughts this beautiful morning.
If it is to be, it’s up to me, I work to live life drama free.
I am self-dependent when it comes to buying my clothes, but I am very dependent when it comes to ordering food off a menu. I always ask everyone else what they are getting before I order. I do not know why I do that.
Queen Mary would make her servants taste her food before she’d taste it (to be certain it was good). Perhaps you were a queen in a former life, Joanne, and now you get a bit confused about ordering off a menu.
I’ve got to acknowledge the fact that you know a lot of interesting tidbits, Salty …. and I’ve seen you rise to higher levels of consciosness where great wisdom are found – there is great depth to you.
I had to declare self-dependence when my parents divorced and left me feeling stranded. I was age 18. I now see that this has helped me to be stronger.
I feel very self-dependent when it comes to some things like getting my job done on time at work. With other things, like making decisions about what car to buy, I feel very dependent on others to help me. Sometimes we need others input.
When I am at a family barbecue, it is very difficult to take self-command. Everyone is barking at me – telling me what to do.
I intuitively sense that expressing myself is more important than pleasing others, but I still find myself trying to please others. It is hard not to want to be liked.
I am self-dependent every time I say “NO” when the urge to drink strikes. No one can say “NO” for me. I learned that in AA.
I feel self-dependent with my friends, but not with my girlfriend. My friends say that I have a ‘mother dependency’. Do I?
I was a self-dependent geek in high school, in college, and now in my own business. I love being self-dependent, and don’t care what others think of me.
Yes, self-dependence is the way to go, but it is not always easy. I do care what people think of me. I think we have to in society.
I have to declare self-dependence daily, it is amazing how many people want to tell me how to live my life.
I hate being called a geek. I plan to become famous. I’ll show them!
My brother is a nerd. I used to make fun of him. He is now making six figures at work! He’s not a nerd, he’s a winner.
I love it when I am participating in my life with my own distinctive style. I am funny and witty when I am being myself (when I depend on myself to express myself as I want to express myself).
You have a tongue-twister at the end of your statement, Roy. I love the Zen quality of it.
I am self-dependent. When I went out for high school football, I was laughed at. I lifted weights and trained, and by my senior year I got the MVP award.
I declare self-dependence day every day; otherwise, I find everyone thinks they know what is best for me.
I assert self-dependence when I am with my family, but when I am with my friends, for some reason I let them dominate me. My mother points that out to me.
I am declaring self-dependence this week as I go on a safari to Africa. What a trip!
Watch the lions in the jungle, Sal. They declare self-dependence continually – that is why they are called the Kings of the jungle. Have a great trip.
I did not declare my self-dependence from my mother until age 50. I always tried to please her and never quite made it.
I find that almost all successful people are self-dependent. Otherwise everyone else is telling them how to live their lives.