December 6th, 2009 by rob white
Many folks who offer you advice are more interested in imposing their point of view on you than your happiness. These folks want the ego-satisfaction of getting their way with you more than offering advice that may actually do you good. They are more concerned with being right with their opinions and advice. It gives them a cheap thrill.
There is no more dangerous a person than those who have all the answers for you. This person simply wants to dominate you so he can falsely feel good about himself. His cheap thrill can cost you dearly.
If you are attracting these kinds of folks into your life, it is time to wake up. You want to look at the version of yourself that you have created yourself to be. The odds are that you are walking around with a “poor me, I’m helpless” attitude radiating outwardly from you. An attitude of helplessness is not actual helplessness. All attitudes, including a helplessness attitude, can be changed in an instant.
It is time to take a deeper look at your inward self-talk when you notice that you have surrounded yourself with people who insist they know what is best for you. They cannot impose their will on you unless you allow them to. Trust in yourself; turn deep within and ask that unlimited side of you what to do when things seem confusing. Ask, and ask again, believing in yourself; make it a habit to keep asking – the answers will come.
and you will piss people off along the way when you think for yourself. Somebody smarter than me (I forget who) said something like: “If you don’t make enemies you don’t make anything.”
I learned to listen to others for wise advice. I am still learning that often that other person’s advice is not always wise.
It’s difficult to think for myself. Between my friends, my boss and the government telling me what to do, I forgot that perhaps there’s a better way to think about things.
an attitude of helplessness is not actual helplessness. I almost understand what that means, but not quite. When I feel helpless, I am not really helpless? I just imagine I am? Wow, I have to look deeper at this idea.
I find most people prefer a cheap thrill than relinquish their opinion. I get stuck in that same syndrome. No wonder there is so much bickering in the world. My inner programming expects to have to defend my ideas, just to survive these days.
my boyfriend and I get in dangerous personality conflicts when we butt heads insisting we know all the answers. The danger is that we threaten the relationship rather than change our minds. It is slippery ground to know when someone is giving good advice or just wants to boss you around.
I had a problem needing solving at work. I didn’t give up. I kept asking myself, “What should I do?” On television that evening, I watched a movie and the same problem was part of the movie. It actually gave me the answer. I think there is something to the idea that if we keep asking the answer will come from somewhere.
Hey Marie… Ha ha. That happens to me all the time. Usually comes from Seinfeld. And if Jerry doesnt give me the answer, at least it makes me laugh. But I think the real point is the answers are always there if you are open to them.
How many times did you remind me to ‘think for myself’ in your Wed night classes, and how many times did I continue to allow others to think for me. Thanks for reminding me once again.
If my attitude is helplessness, I feel pretty helpless. I guess you’re saying the feeling isn’t necessarily the real thing. Yes, I can see that. I’ve changed my mind, felt differently and accomplished things I at first felt I couldn’t do. Like swimming.
diving deeper into my self-talk sounds interesting. It’s kind of what shrinks do with you when they put you on the couch. You become your own shrink
It seems almost everyone I know thinks they know what is best for me. That’s a real bear trap!
I have a hard time imagining there is an unlimted side of me. I guess I spend too much time putting myself down. I wish I could believe there is another side to me that is full of talent. How do I do that?
Keep telling yourself. That’s all this is saying really. Believe in you. Listen to you. Not anyone else. Even if that means not believing in the advice on here.
Hey shane, listening to myself rather than listening to everyone else is good advice, but it is easier said than done until we feel good about ourselves.
Malcom’s right, people get pissed off when we think for ourselves. It seems everyone wants to be the boss of us.
fred, we’ve communicated before, it seems you think everyone’s advice is a bear trap. Sometimes some people really do offer good advice.
that’s a tough one these days, Neil, feeling good about ourselves requires spending time with ourselves in a quality way, not just hanging out at a local joint eating pizza, but doing something like taking a walk alone and appreciating nature.
I have a problem with asking myself for answers. Nothing comes up but frustration. How do I ask in a way that I get past my feeling of ignorance?
Hi Nina, Asking is a delicate thing …. you’ve got to mean it when you are seeking new answers
Nina, when I find my mind going blank for answers, I know I am taking on a false attitude of helplessness. That’s what Rob means by “AN ATTITUDE OF HELPLESSNESS IS NOT REALLY HELPLESSNESS.”
I don’t get this whole helplessness attitude. Surely we all have our problems but there is no reason to take it so personally. I learned that from my grandmother.
Of course you have to take it personally, Step. We all do. What the hell are we here for if we don’t get emotional!
What’s the reason for being human if we aren’t to create emotional stories to get all worked up about … or is that the least reason for being human, Jat?
emotions separate man from the animals, animals only feel peace or fear. We have 1,000′s of them. that’s why we get caught in emotional stories, mat
scottishweb says we get caught in emotional stories. Do we gget caught or do we ensnare ourselves in them?
Most people are bored and just want a good Soap Opera to distract themselves from themselves.
When we are living from our original nature, Carol Anne, we do not need soap operas as distractions, because we are fascinated with our own company. It’s only when we get caught in our Artificial-Selves that we jump into drama.
I have completely lost my original nature. My life seems to be one giant drama after another. Lately it’s with my girlfriend.
When I turn deep inside and ask the unlimted side of me what to do, I hear silence. He must be deaf?
The unlimtited side of you can hear you, genuineguy, and that side of you is always offering to guide you. It is the Artificial side of you, with its howing voices (chanting limiting beliefs), that stops ‘you’ from hearing what the unlimited side is saying.
I can’t find the side of me that is unlimited, are you sure it exists,
Argghh, poor me .. that’s my sister. She will never get beyond her present problems because she uses them as an excuse to feel sorry for herself.
I don’t think our government, our teachers, or our religions want us thinking for ourselves, otherwise they’d not get so angry when you see things differently than they do.